Calvin and Hobbes: the Series SEASON FIVE: Part II
by garfieldodie
Summary: current episode: BLACK RAIN The long awaited season finale of Season Five...
1. Socratesland

_**Author's Note:** Well! Well, well, well! Well... Looks like we're back. Sort of. In case you haven't notice, _Calvin and Hobbes: the Series_ hasn't been updated regularly in some considerable time. That is because, despite your pleading and whining and death threats, we have been busy with various things that when put together creature a substance called, "real life". We have been busy with work and college and various other things. Swing123 has been too busy to post stories, and lately, he's been too busy to write stories as well._

_However, neither of us wanted to leave the Series unfinished, so, as I have a little extra time on my hands, I shall be taking care of posting stories. I shall try to post them semi-regularly. We have decided to forgo all the extra stories we had in mind, and we are now working to finish the Season Five finale. There will be no Season Six. We are at work on the rewritten version of _Lost at Sea_, which is coming along very nicely. Hopefully, after Season Five is completed, there will be more one-off stories that will eventually bring the series to an end._

_Thank you for your patience. Please enjoy the remainder of _Season Five_._

* * *

**Socratesland**

It was a dull morning in Sherman's lab.

Right now, the little hamster was staring at one of his experiments, waiting for it to do something worth writing down.

The experiment was rather simple. He was trying to determine whether or not hydrogen could become helium by rearranging the molecular structure.

Trouble was, it took a very long time.

Sherman stared at the beakers and flasks for a very long time, as a result of this.

While he was busily staring at it, the intercom nearby buzzed and Andy's voice rang out through the lab.

"Shermie, it's lunchtime," he announced.

Sherman reached over and pressed the button. "I'll have it down here."

"Sherman, you haven't been up here in three days. I have to insist, as your friend and pellet-giver, that you come upstairs and socialize with someone."

"I have no need for social activities. I am a man of science."

"You're a hamster with next to no friends, is what you are. Now get up here and join society."

"But I need to work on this experiment!"

"What the heck _is _this experiment?"

"I'm trying to turn hydrogen into helium."

There was a pause over the intercom.

"Why the heck would anybody need to do that?!" Andy demanded.

"Because the world is running out of helium and I'm their only hope of finding a solution!"

"Oh, for pity's sake, you watched that episode of _The Daily Show_, didn't you?"

"Party balloon prices are going skyrocket unless I do something!"

"But you haven't even done anything! You're just sitting there staring at test tubes and beakers!"

"I'm waiting for inspiration, dang it!"

"Shermie, I… I… We… _Will you get up here_? We live in the same house and we're communicating through an intercom!"

"Just bring my meal down here. Goodbye."

And with that, Sherman cut the link to the upstairs, surely to Andy's great annoyance.

Sherman then resumed glaring at the test tubes.

Just then, he heard a noise coming from the main computer.

Sherman snapped his fingers, pretending to be annoyed. "Oh, and I almost had it," he deadpanned.

Turning around, he jumped onto a swivel chair that was located beside the desk he sat upon and, using the momentum, rolled across and span around to face the giant monitor. He jumped up onto the console and began typing commands into it.

It was at that moment the door to the lab slid open and Andy stormed downstairs with his hands wrapped around a plate of food. He came down the spiral staircase and headed for the desk with the test tubes.

"Okay, Your Royal Highness, here's your lunch," he grumbled.

But he saw the desk was vacant now. He looked around.

"Shermie, where are you?" he asked.

"Andy…"

Andy turned and saw Sherman staring up at the screen that loomed over them.

On the screen was a picture of Socrates, and there was an arrow pointing at his head with a skull and crossbones on it.

"Sherman, what's happening? Why is there a giant picture of Socrates on your screen?"

"I'm afraid lunch will have to wait," Sherman replied with a grave expression. "Call up Calvin and Hobbes. There's a problem."

Andy stared at him. "You know, you could just answer my question," he said in a bored tone, but he turned and headed back upstairs anyway.

Sherman just kept staring at the readouts on the screen, looking contemplative.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were at home, both up in his room and around his desk.

"Okay, so how about this one?" Calvin asked, pointing at the next math problem.

"Let's have a looksy," Hobbes said, looking at it closely.

6 + 9 =

"Hmmm… Yeah, this looks like a fiddly one," he remarked. "Okay, in order to solve this one, we need to determine the incoherent variable first."

"The what?"

"The incoherent variable, which is technical jargon for 'illogical number'."

"How do we find that?"

"Well, first you have to determine the number of times each number can go into each other. Nine is greater than six, so it can't be used that way, but six can fit into nine at least once. We write down a 1 beneath the 9 and subtract it, giving us 8. That is the incoherent variable."

"So now what do we do?" Calvin asked, writing it down.

"Now we need to add 8 and 6. To do this, we need to try and get the rough percentage of the variable. We do this by adding a decimal point in front of the 8. Now we subtract it from 100, and we get 99.2. Now you add 6 to that, and we get 105.2."

Calvin stared at him. "Six plus nine equals one hundred five point two?"

"Correct."

Calvin stared at everything he'd written down before glaring up at Hobbes.

"You know, maybe I should start asking MTM for help with this," he said.

"Hmph! Who're you going to get better answers from, a machine or an experienced tiger?"

"Hobbes, this is math."

"Point?"

Just then, MTM started beeping.

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

"Ooh, speaking of the electronic pancake," Hobbes muttered.

Calvin rolled his eyes and slid the MTM over to him. He popped open the top and spoke into the grill inside.

"Hello?"

"Calvin, it's Andy."

"Hey, Andy, what's going on?"

"You're not to busy right now, are you?"

"Well, I'm _trying _to do my homework. What do you need?"

"I need you and Hobbes to come down here. Sherman says there's an emergency, and it seems to involve Socrates."

Hobbes' head finally came up.

"Okay," Calvin said. "We'll be right over."

Calvin closed the MTM's top and pocketed him as he stood up to go.

"Come on, Hobbes. Let's see what the problem is."

"What about your homework? Your mom said we couldn't leave the house until it was done."

"Hobbes, this is far more important than homework."

"How do you know? Maybe Sherman's overreacting. You know how's been about the so-called 'helium crisis'."

"If Sherman is showing genuine concern for Socrates, then it must be serious. Let's motor."

Calvin climbed up on his bed and opened the window. He reached down behind his bed and pulled out a readymade rope made from bed sheets. He threw them down the side of the house and prepared to get going.

"Wait, we're going out the window?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, we don't need Mom slowing us down."

"You think she'd try to stop us from helping our friends?"

"Right now, Mom's waiting for the day she can buy a bumper sticker that says, '_I'm the proud mother of a six-year-old honor student_'. I think she might."

And with that, Calvin started climbing down the bed sheets.

Hobbes followed after him. "It's a sad time when adults need to broadcast the achievements of their children on their fenders."

* * *

A few minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy were standing in Sherman's lab. The hamster was wearing a tiny pair of glasses as he went over some papers he'd printed out.

"So what's the problem with Socrates?" Calvin asked.

"Well, I've received an automatic alert from his transmitter / receiver chip," Sherman explained. "There seems to be a fault with it."

"Wait, I thought you said that after the last time you replaced, we wouldn't have anymore faults with it," Hobbes said. "Remember, when it malfunctioned and he was picking up long-distance radio transmissions?"

"Hey, to be fair, it's been three years, and we've no problems until now."

"What precisely _is _the problem, Shermie?" Andy asked.

"Well, it seems the chip has somehow integrated with Socrates' mind. It's become a part of his consciousness."

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy all looked at each other.

"Er…is it bad? I mean, is he okay?" Calvin asked.

"As far as I can tell," Sherman replied, shrugging. "I checked in on him with the security systems. He seemed alright."

"Show us."

Sherman turned and typed some commands into the computer.

The giant screen crackled with interference for a second before they finally could see Socrates' room.

The red-tailed tiger was sitting at his desk, blueprints strewn everywhere and writing furiously with a marker.

"Let's see…," he was saying, "…we can have the tarantulas come out over here, the giant lamp will hang from the tree, the box of picture frames will sit upon the trampoline, and the diving board will be right over the barrel full of crushed soda cans! I love it!"

The other exchanged glances.

Socrates continued. "And then I'll set up the tire swing, and I'll ride in it dressed as a suture, and I'll drop an appendix costume on their heads! Brilliant! And then I'll drop the walls around them and make them fight to the death with only slinkies as weapons! _Genius_!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the screen.

"Wait… What the heck is he even planning?" Calvin asked.

"Search me," said Sherman. "He's been at this for the last half hour."

He pressed a button, and the screen changed back to what it was before.

"Well, he seems alright," Andy said. "What's the big deal?"

"Due the chip's integration with his mind, it's been rendered completely useless. We can't make calls with it now."

"I see…," Calvin said thoughtfully.

"Plus, at any moment, it could completely erase his personality."

The three of them stared at the hamster.

"Wait, it could do _what_?" Hobbes asked.

"Why didn't you mention that first?" Andy demanded.

"Why would I?" Sherman asked.

"It just strikes me that losing Socrates' personality is direr than losing the chip!"

Sherman shrugged. "I don't know. It just struck me as more important."

Calvin nodded. "Yeah, I can see how you'd draw that conclusion…," he said, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

Hobbes and Andy glared at them.

"So, what do we do?" Andy asked.

"Well, on the one hand, if his personality _is _erased, it would render the computer chip useful again. He'd just be an extra-large, extra-fuzzy shell around it," Sherman explained.

"Interesting…," Calvin said thoughtfully.

"Oh, _come on_!" Hobbes cried. "You're not serious!"

"Why not? It's how Socrates would react in a situation like this."

"Well, I should think you'd like to be better than Socrates!"

Calvin glared. "Well, thanks a lot, Hobbes! I'm feeling conflicted! I hope you're satisfied!"

"Incredibly so!"

Andy rolled his eyes. "Okay, enough," he sighed. "Shermie, tell me that there's an option where both Socrates _and _the chip survive intact."

Sherman sighed. "Well, granted, it's a bit more complicated, but it could work."

"And that is…?"

"We go into his mind and reprogram the chip."

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy stared at him.

"We…we go inside his _mind_?" Hobbes repeated.

"How do we do that?" Calvin asked.

"Well, one way to go about it would be to use the MTM's ability to enter computers. Did you fix that feature yet?"

"Yeah, I managed to fix it and keep out the viruses. It should be alright."

"Okay, we can use that to send you into the chip so you can look at it more closely and figure out what the problem is."

"Well, that's that settled," Andy said. "The question now is: how do we get Socrates over here?"

"Well, that's easy enough," Calvin said, pulling MTM back out of his pocket. "MTM?"

"Yo," MTM said with a yawn.

"We need Socrates over here so we can fix his chip. Can you teleport him over here?"

"Yeah, hang on, he's on his way."

There was a brief pause, and then…

_**BRAZAP!**_

Socrates suddenly appeared in a field of blue electricity. He was standing up and carrying a large box with a blueprint rolled up under his arm and a pencil in his ear. He walked a few paces before realizing he wasn't where he wasn't supposed to be anymore. He stared at the wall for a moment before seeing the others.

"Okay, seriously," he said, glaring at Calvin. "Give me some sort of warning next time, will you?"

Calvin just grinned.

Socrates sat the box down with the blueprints and tossed the pencil aside. "Okay, what do you want?" he asked tiredly, crossing his arms and looking at them.

"Er, we need your help with an experiment," Sherman said.

"Indeed? What sort of experiment?"

The gang all looked at each other, trying to think up an excuse.

"Hang on, I'll go get them. Andy, help with this, will you?" Sherman said at last.

Andy nodded and followed the hamster over towards a nearby shelf.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates waited nearby, watching Andy and Sherman quietly whispering to each other.

"So…," Hobbes said at last. "What's in the box, anyway?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Socrates retorted, leaning against it protectively.

"Yes, I would. That's why I asked."

"…Ain't tellin'."

Calvin and Hobbes sighed.

Then Andy and Sherman came back, and Andy was holding a small container with what looked like candies.

"Okay, I created these tablets this morning," Sherman said. "I want you each to test one and describe the flavor to me."

"Ooh, fun!" Socrates exclaimed.

"Andy, pass them out, and then take one yourself. Hold them in your mouths for a minute before swallowing."

"Alright," Andy said, taking the container and pouring four tablets into his hand, each a different color: red, blue, yellow and green.

He headed for Hobbes first and very discreetly, he whispered, "Take the green one."

Hobbes raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement and took the green tablet from his palm and promptly popped it in his mouth.

Then Andy went over to Calvin and discreetly whispered, "Take the blue one."

Calvin reached forward and took the blue tablet and put it on his tongue.

Then Andy headed over to Socrates, and on the way, he popped the red one in his mouth, and then handed him the remaining yellow one.

"Here you go," he said.

Socrates took the yellow tablet and stared at it before looking at Andy. "Why'd you take the red one? You let _them _choose theirs."

Andy glared. "Just take it."

"But what if the red one was better? I'll feel cheated!"

"Socrates, just take it for science," Sherman sighed.

Socrates grumbled and took the tablet and popped it in his mouth. "Fine, but I will never forget this," he said warningly.

"Whatever," Andy sighed.

"Okay, everyone chew them up and swallow," Sherman ordered.

Everyone chewed up their tablets and then gulped them down.

"Okay, what did everyone think? Hobbes?"

Hobbes smacked his tongue around. "Interesting… Tasted like…grass?"

"I see… Calvin?"

Calvin made a face. "Mine tasted alright, but there's a sort of chalky aftertaste I'm not really enjoying."

"Okay, okay, good. Andy?"

"Tastes like chicken…," Andy replied.

"Really?"

"And not good chicken either…"

"I see… Okay, Socrates, how was yours?"

Socrates just stared straight ahead, his face blank and his eyes unblinking.

"…Socrates?" Hobbes asked worriedly.

But Socrates didn't say anything. He just stood there stock-still.

Dread began to spread in their heads.

"You don't think he's…?" Calvin asked, almost afraid to ask.

Suddenly, Socrates said, "Lemony…"

They all jumped in shock as he smacked his lips.

"L-l-lemony?" Sherman asked shakily.

"Yeah, it was hard to place at first, but it was a bit like a refreshing cup of lemonade now that I think about it…"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged confused glances.

"Ooh! And now it tastes like pork chops! How delicious! I must have the recipe for this tablet! It's simply delightful!"

"Pork chops?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes! Oh! And now I can taste steaming green peas! Wonderful peas! Oh, Andy, all is forgiven!"

"Glad to hear it," Andy sighed.

"Ooh, and now I can taste…," he started to say, but then he trailed off and looked faraway as he suddenly stumbled backwards and leant against his box.

"Taste what?" Sherman prompted.

"I can taste…_blueberry_?" Socrates asked, and then his eyes rolled up in his head and keeled over backwards, tripping over the box and landing on the floor, sound asleep.

Calvin sighed. "Well, thank goodness for that," he said.

"Quick question," Hobbes said. "What were those anyway?"

"Well, the yellow one was the sedative obviously," Sherman said. "The red was an antidepressant, the blue one was an energy stimulant and I'm not sure what the green one was, I just found in the back of the container."

Hobbes stared. "Wait… _I _took the green one," he said.

"I know," Sherman said with a smirk.

While Hobbes growled, Calvin and Andy went over and started to drag Socrates' unconscious form away.

"Okay, where do you want him?" Calvin asked.

"The operating table is just over there," Sherman said, pointing at the flatbed table a short distance away.

Calvin and Andy dragged Socrates over towards it and, with Hobbes' help, hoisted him up onto it and strapped him down.

Sherman came over and proceeded in hooking up electrodes to his head, and then to a machine.

"Okay, I think it's all set," he said. "Calvin, there should be a device on the desk behind you. It looks a bit like a graphing calculator."

Calvin turned around and looked on the desk behind him, climbing up on a chair to get a better look. He managed to locate a device that had various buttons and a small screen on the front. He picked it up.

"Is this it?"

"Yes, that's right. That's a special tracking device. It will help you locate the correct section of the chip you need to be in."

"Check." And Calvin put the tracker in his pocket.

"Anything else we need to know?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, this is vital: once you get inside the chip, you'll find that it has acclimatized to Socrates' mind. It will be very much like actually wandering around in his actual psyche."

"How's that happened?" Andy asked.

"Well, the chip will have created a kind of imprint that will appear to be a sort of different dimension run entirely based Socrates' mind in order to disguise the chip. We can still find it, but the actual problematic area will be disguised, hence the need for the tracker. We need to reset it so that we can restore normal programming."

"Okay, we got it."

"Then let's get going," Calvin said, taking out the MTM and setting him down next to Sherman. "MTM, activate your computer program."

"Right on," MTM replied.

The CD player began to hum, and then suddenly, twin lasers scissored their way out the MTM and then spliced over Calvin, Hobbes and Andy, seemingly erasing them out of existence.

"Okay, they're inside of me," MTM said. "Now connect me to the electrodes and I'll do the rest."

Sherman promptly got to work hooking everything up, and soon, MTM sending the electronic data of Calvin, Hobbes and Andy into Socrates' mind.

* * *

The inside of the chip was rather interesting.

It looked like a very thick jungle made of multi-colored leaves, striped trees, a purple sky with strange-looking creatures flying around and a strange ground that had a long red-striped path heading off ahead of them.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy materialized on this path, and they looked around disparagingly.

"Oh dear lord…," Andy said disparagingly.

"Man, it's true," Calvin sighed. "The chip has completely taken on Socrates' personality. It must've hooked itself up with his subconscious."

"What do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin took the tracker out his pocket.

"According to this thing, we need to go straight ahead," he said. "Let's hurry. We don't know how long Socrates will stay under."

They started forward a few paces.

The experience was accentuated by the random calling of strange birds in the distance.

However, along the way, Hobbes' acute sense of hearing picked up a new sound that sounded very close by.

It was a rustling in the polka-dotted bushes.

"Er, guys? I think we've got company," he said, pointing in that direction.

Calvin and Andy turned around to look.

The bushes were still rustling, much louder now.

"What could be living in here?" Andy asked worriedly.

"Well, there's always a chance that the chip has created a whole new world within itself, and it could be that it has created physical beings from Socrates' personality traits," said Calvin.

"Oh, this should be good," Hobbes muttered.

Finally, the rustling ceased.

They all stared at the bushes for a few seconds.

"…Hello?" Calvin asked cautiously.

"_JAMBO!_"

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy jumped in seven directions at once in reaction to the loud voice that had come from behind them.

Hanging onto each other desperately, they slowly turned around and looked at who had shouted at them.

It was Socrates.

At least, it looked like Socrates.

This version of Socrates was wearing a very clashing multi-colored suit. The long coat had various clashing colors making it up, with a colorful vest, yellow trousers, and a polka-dotted string bowtie.

His red-striped tail snaked out from under the tails of the coat, and he had a Joker-like grin on his face, making him look like an insane clown.

"…Who are you?" Calvin asked warily.

"Who am I? Who are you?" the Socrates asked.

"We're Calvin, Hobbes and Andy."

The Socrates stared at him for a moment. Then his face split into a huge grin.

"MY _FRIENDS_ ARE HERE! _WONDERFUL_!" he suddenly cried, bouncing up and down excitedly.

Before anyone had a chance to react, they suddenly found themselves trapped in a huge hug, struggling to escape.

"OH, I'M SO _HAPPY_!"

"Yeah, we gathered that," Calvin grunted.

"Er, I take it you're Socrates' happiness," Hobbes gasped.

"YEP-ER-DOODLY-DOODLES!" he cried.

"Could you put us down, please?" Andy requested nervously. "Not that this isn't pleasant, but I think you're actually cracking my spine!"

"Okey-dokey!" he replied, and he dropped them all down on the ground.

They all grumbled as they got back up.

"Okay, listen, you," Calvin said sternly, "we're trying to find a certain part of this chip. Is there anywhere around that seems strange to you?"

"Oh, goodness me, let me think-a-dink-a-dink about that!"

And he took on a much-exaggerated sort of pose to prove he was thinking.

They stared at him for a moment.

"Anyone want to make a break for it while he's sitting there?" Andy asked.

"Not now," Calvin hissed.

Finally, the Happy Socrates looked at them excitedly.

"Actually, there are _two _places that are strange around here!" he said.

"_Two_?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, we're only looking for one," Calvin said. "There's a section of this chip that's malfunctioning."

"What chip?" the Happy Socrates asked.

They stared at him.

"Socrates doesn't know about this chip, remember?" Andy said.

"But shouldn't his subconscious be aware of its presence? There must be _some _part of him that's sensitive to it," Hobbes pointed out.

"What do these two areas look like?" Calvin asked the Happy Socrates.

"Well, the first place is some weird place, you see. It's very…_strange_… And we never remember it when we come back from it."

"Really? What's the other one like?"

"Well, you see, there's this door, you see, and you see, we're not allowed inside it. It just says, _AUTHORIZED PERSONEL ONLY_."

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy stared at each other.

"I guess we'll figure it out when we get there," Calvin decided. "Let's get going."

But as they turned to go, the Happy Socrates suddenly jumped in front of them, grinning madly.

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me come, let me come! Please, please, please, please!"

They stared at him with annoyance. "No way," Calvin said. "You'd only slow us down."

"Ohhh, come on! I'll be good! _I'll be your bestest best friendy friend ever-forever-ever_!"

"A tempting offer, but I'm afraid we must decline," Hobbes said. "We have business to attend to."

"Oh, puh-_LEEEEEEEEEEEZE!_"

"No!" they all shouted.

"Please, please, oh please, oh please, please, please, oh please, oh—"

"GO AWAY!" Calvin shouted, trying to focus on reading the tracker.

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZE!"

Finally, Andy plucked a leaf off a bush and held it up to him.

"Here, talk to this guy. He says he wants to be your best friend," he said quickly, thrusting it into his paws.

The Happy Socrates grinned at the leaf. "Oh, what _fun_! I bet you have _wonderful_ leaf stories to tell! Come on, pal! Let's chat-a-tat-tat!"

And with that, he bounced away back into the jungle.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy stared at him as he vanished.

"I can't believe that worked," Andy remarked.

"What did he mean about that second place?" Hobbes asked. "Something about a section of the brain they can't access?"

"Nothing to do with us," Calvin snorted. "Let's get going. I want to get out of this place as soon as possible."

And with that, they continued following the tracker into the strange wilderness.

* * *

A few minutes later, they found a clearing where the trees finally become less dense. They could see a good distance ahead now.

"Where are we now?" Andy asked.

"Not sure…," Calvin said.

"Hey, look over there," Hobbes said, pointing off the path.

They looked in that direction and stared at what they saw.

It was a graveyard.

"What the heck…?" Calvin asked.

They approached it cautiously.

"What is this place?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked around the graves, which were all marked with the typical headstones.

"Good grief," he muttered. "Look at this one."

_ANGER_

_DIED AGE 5_

"Look at this one," Hobbes added, pointing to another one.

_FEAR_

_LEFT US AT AGE 1_

"This must be the final resting place of most of Socrates' disused personalities," Andy said, looking at the graves in wonder.

"But he's been angry and afraid before," Calvin insisted. "We've _seen_ him! He got angry when I finally figured out how to outsmart him. He gets afraid whenever we get attacked by ghosts. What's this all about?"

"Oh geez," Hobbes sighed. "Look at this one."

They all turned to look at the tombstone.

_SANITY_

_PASSED ON AT 3 MONTHS_

They stared in incredulity.

"How old is Socrates again?" Andy asked.

"I am _really_ beginning to not like this place," Calvin sighed.

Then they heard something in the distance.

"Does anyone else hear that?" Hobbes asked, craning his neck to look.

Calvin and Andy listened carefully.

It was laughter.

"Somebody's laughing," Andy said. "It sounds like Socrates' laughter."

"Yeah," said Calvin. "In fact, it sounds like a whole _bunch _of Socrateses laughing."

"It's coming from that bridge over there."

They left the graveyard and headed in the direction of the bridge. They all peered over the sides and looked around, feeling rather freaked out by the laughter now surrounding them.

"Who's laughing?" Andy demanded. "I can't see anyone."

"Look! Frogs!" Calvin cried.

Indeed, there were frogs. They were all leaping about the river, splashing about.

And they were laughing.

They were all laughing liking Socrates.

And it was a loud and hysterical laugh as well.

It was incredibly unnerving.

"And now I've _finished _not liking this place," Calvin said. "Now I'm just plain old afraid."

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy continued wandering through the darkness that was Socrates' psyche. Calvin was holding the tracker in front of him almost as if it was some form of protection, while Andy and Hobbes stayed close behind him in case whatever decided to jump out of the overgrowth ate Calvin, first.

"Alright, we should be nearing the area of the computer chip," Calvin said, examining the tracker. "I think we're only like half a kilometer away from it."

"What exactly are we gonna do when we get to it?" Hobbes asked.

"We'll worry about that when we actually get there," Calvin said.

Andy looked over his shoulders. "And what about the twelve miniature Socrateses that have been following us for the last half mile?"

Calvin and Hobbes looked back.

About twenty feet behind them were several Socrateses about half Socrates' height, all wearing black hoods and following close behind the group, laughing their heads off as they scampered from tree to tree, throwing glances at them with their beady little eyes.

"The way I figure it, they're scavengers from the carnivorous eastern tribe," Calvin said. "Try not to show any fear or make direct eye contact,"

Andy and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Calvin turned back to the tracker.

"Alright, next we need to take a left to the..."

"AHOY, BRAVE TRAVELER!"

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy all jumped at the sudden scream that filled their ears.  
Standing over them was another version of Socrates with his arms crossed, once again with a giant grin that took off half his face. He was wearing a black tuxedo with a curled mustache.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy all lay in a heap before them.

"Hello, Socrates," Hobbes grumbled.

Socrates held his paw out to help the three up.

"What brings you to our lovely little abode?" He announced pulling Hobbes up first, then Calvin and Andy.

"We're trying to fix your stupid... thing..." Calvin grumbled, trying not to give away the secret.

"A fascinating endeavor!" Socrates said, rubbing his chin in thought. "Is there any way I can assist you in your quest to fix my thing?"

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy all stared at Socrates blankly.

"That depends," Andy said. "Which Socrates are you?"

Socrates blinked. "Why does that matter?" He asked.

"Because you look like a clichéd version of a movie style villain," Hobbes grumbled.

"Are you Socrates' scheming side?"

There was a moment of silence.

"...No," Socrates said, slowly.

Everyone stared at him.

"Kay...," Andy said. "Who are you, then?"

"I'm... his... calmness?"

Silence greeted these words.

"Uh huh," Andy sighed. "Fine, where is the weird place that you don't remember when you go to it?"

"Ah, that place," Socrates nodded. "That place is way the heck in no-man's land to the left,"

"The left?"

"To the left," Socrates grinned. "I think it's my left, but it might be yours. Could be neither... I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about... I think."

Calvin groaned. "Which direction is it in?"

"To the left,"

"Point to the left," Hobbes said.

"Whose left?" Socrates asked.

"The left that the place is in!" Andy shouted.

Socrates pointed to the right.

"That's right," Hobbes growled.

"I know it's right, right?" Socrates grinned.

Calvin glared at him. "Is any of this even worth it?" He grumbled.

"OK, look, is the place we're going to over there?" Andy said, pointing to the right.

Socrates nodded. "Yep, right off to the left,"

"That's not left" Hobbes said.

"Yeah I know, it's right," Socrates said.

"OK, just shut up!" Calvin yelled, holding his hands up. "Let's just go!"

And with that, Calvin started off towards the right. Hobbes followed closely behind him. Andy gave Socrates a suspicious look, then followed as well.

Socrates watched them go. As soon as they were out of earshot, he hunched over and began rubbing his hands together, menacingly.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha," he chuckled, looking after them with an evil expression. And with that, he dove into the bushes.

* * *

Over half an hour past while Calvin, Hobbes and Andy all trudged through the swamp, occasionally dodging the laughing frogs and trying to avoid the redundant chanting from the bushes.

"Are you sure we're going in the right direction?" Hobbes asked. "You'd think we'd be there by now..."

"Yeah well, the tracker has a neural reading right now." Calvin said. "I can't tell if we're getting farther or closer right now."

"What's wrong with it?" Andy asked.

"It's this stupid swamp gas," Calvin grumbled. "It's shorted out the circuit board on the main frame,"

"So in other words, we're depending entirely on Socrates' word?" Hobbes said.

"Ah-yep," Calvin nodded. "That pretty much falls into place, doesn't it?"

Hobbes and Andy rolled their eyes.

"Alright well, call me a skeptic, but I don't think Socrates' word is quite enough to run on, so I'd like to have a second option," Andy said.

"Yeah well, that's the thing, we don't have one," Calvin said. "So we just have to go and hope something good happens."

There was a moment of silence.

"We're in Socrates' mind, what are the chances of something good actually happening?" Hobbes asked.

"I don't know, but I just realized that there's mayonnaise all over those trees," Calvin said.

Everyone looked up. The trees were indeed sitting in the swampy water, covered almost entirely with mayonnaise. It stretched on as far as they could see.

Everyone stared at them for a long moment.

"Yeah, that cat really does have an unnatural obsession with that stuff." Andy said.

Just then, they heard a whooping noise coming from the bushes. They turned to look and stared at the shrubs uneasily.

"Alright, who's in there?" Calvin demanded. "We've had enough of the Tawdry Quirks Come to Life, thank you very much."

Suddenly, the bushes seemed to explode, sending branches and brightly colored leaves everywhere. The trio shielded themselves from the flying debris, and when it finally stopped falling, they dared to look at what they'd stumbled upon now.

The Socrates they were looking at now was diminutive in size, yet he had an undeniably powerful presence. He was well-built and wearing a spandex superhero outfit with a red-striped cape, and he struck an Action Man pose when he saw them.

"Hail and well met, citizens!" he declared in a superhero voice.

"Who the heck are you supposed to be?" Calvin asked.

"I am the one who helps people in need! I am the one who would gladly give his life to protect another! I am the one who is shunned by the rest of contemporary society for my way of life!"

"Ahh, you're Socrates' nobility, aren't you?" Hobbes remarked.

"That explains why he's so short," Andy quipped.

Noble Socrates chuckled good-naturedly. "Ah, yes, a good-natured jest, my friend. Pardon my intrusion, but I could not help but notice you seem to have lost your way."

"Yeah, our…er…GPS isn't working, and we're trying to find that area of the brain that you guys never remember when you go to it."

"Indeed? I'm afraid that we do not bother with that dastardly location. Such foulness and evil that even I cannot approach it!"

"Really? Well that's – "

"But for you, my dear friends, I shall give it a most mighty attempt! Come! I will show you the safest path!"

And Noble Socrates flew off ahead of them, striking a heroic pose as he flew.

Calvin glanced at Hobbes and Andy. "Well, what choice do we have? Let's go."

And they followed after on foot, trying to keep an eye on the flying tiger.

* * *

After fifteen minutes of running, they were just about to yell something insulting at the Noble Socrates and be done with it, as they had been running all over the place, tripping over colorful rocks and getting chased by laughing mosquitoes, but eventually, they found themselves standing before an area that was different from the rest.

"Whoa…," Calvin said, slightly breathless.

Andy, without tearing his gaze away, took out his cell phone and took a picture.

There was a huge bright light peeking out through the trees and bushes. It was so pure it almost hurt their eyes, and yet they could see it perfectly.

"What is that?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin pulled the tracker back out and saw that it had started working again. It was indicating the direction from which the pure white light was shining.

"I think we've arrived," he whispered.

They continued to stare in awe at the light before the Noble Socrates came down beside them.

"There it is, my companions," he said, gesturing dramatically. "The horrible light that wipes our minds with each attempt to get closer! We do not know what horrors lie beyond it!"

"I have a hunch," Calvin muttered. "Thanks for the help, pal. We'll take it from here."

"Very well, my compadres. I fear I would not be of much help anyway," he said. "Farewell, and good luck."

And with that, he took to the skies once again and flew off into the distance.

"Right, enough gawking," Calvin decided. "Come on, guys, let's see to the chip." He started marching off towards the light.

"Are we sure it's safe?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, isn't usually important to _not _go into the light?" Andy agreed.

"Depends. Do you hear any dead relatives calling out to you?" Calvin asked.

"Er…no."

"Then let's go!"

Calvin walked off towards the light. Hobbes and Andy looked at each other before warily walking after him.

* * *

Outside in the real world, Sherman and the MTM were observing the readouts and making sure Socrates stayed under.

"Any signs of him coming out of it yet?" Sherman asked.

"Nope. He's sleeping like a baby," MTM replied. "I am detecting that the others are moving closer to the afflicted area, though. They should be there in a couple minutes."

"Good, good… All is progressing normally then. Where are they headed?"

"Looks like it's the central part of the chip. It's the section that is connected with Socrates' brain itself."

Sherman's eyes widened. "Oh…," he said slowly.

"What? What is it?"

Sherman looked meaningfully at the MTM. It was a good three seconds before it twigged.

"Oh…," MTM said slowly.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy arrived at the bright light. They stared into it, watching it pulsate slightly with energy.

"There's something at the center of it," Calvin said. "Hang on."

He pulled out the hypercube and reached inside, pulling out three pairs of sunglasses. He passed two of them over to Hobbes and Andy, and they all put them on, looking into the light more clearly.

"Yeah, there's something there alright," Hobbes said. "Something's gotten into the chip."

"Do we get closer or what?" Andy asked.

"Yeah, but let's be careful," Calvin replied. "One step at a time."

Gingerly, warily, the trio walked deeper into the strange light, trying to get a fix on the strange shape in the middle.

"What's it look like?" Andy asked. "Can anyone tell?"

"Not sure yet," Calvin said.

Hobbes squinted. "I'm almost certain it looks familiar," he remarked quietly.

They went closer and closer.

"Sherman said that it would be disguised as something," Calvin said suddenly. "But disguised as what?"

He soon found out.

The strange mass in the middle of the light suddenly moved and came closer to them. It looked like it was an animal of some sort. It stood up, tall and towering, making the trio stop short just a few feet away from it.

"Is…is that…?" Hobbes stuttered.

"I think it is," Calvin replied.

There was a low growl coming from creature.

"…It's Socrates."

And it was, if Socrates had completely black fur and glowing red eyes. The new Socrates spoke.

"_**JAMBO!**_"

It was a loud, heavy, throaty, growly sort of voice. The ground trembled from the sound waves.

Then the new Socrates reared up on its hind legs and pounced forwards.

Letting out a collective yelp, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy turned and ran back the way they came. But this new Socrates kept up with them.

"_**COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!**_" he roared.

They fled the bright light and dove behind a red and green boulder, quivering in a huddled mass.

"What the heck was that?!" Hobbes demanded.

"Run!" Andy suddenly shouted.

They cleared off just in time.

The Dark Socrates landed right on the spot they'd just been a split second ago.

"_**HEEEEEEEERE'S CRATESO!**_" he roared.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy started to run further away, but then Calvin turned back and went in a large circle, back towards the light.

"Where're you going?!" Hobbes shouted.

"Back towards the light! We must go into the light!" Calvin replied.

"What for?" Andy demanded.

"We have to fix the chip before we leave! It our only way of stopping him!"

Groaning, Hobbes and Andy turned around and followed after him.

* * *

Outside, Sherman and MTM were monitoring everything that happened.

"Something's wrong," MTM said.

"I'll say," Sherman agreed. "Socrates' heart rate just sped up."

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy ran faster into the bright light, trying to see what was ahead. After fifteen seconds of blind running, they finally found what was making the light so bright.

"What's this?" Andy asked.

Calvin held up the tracker and found the problem.

"It's the nerve-center of the chip's fault. This is where the problem is."

"What _is _the problem?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, the chip has integrated with Socrates' mind itself. It needs to be its own separate entity in order for them both to function properly. Otherwise all we have is _this _sick place."

"Speaking of which," Hobbes said, glancing over his shoulder.

Calvin and Andy looked back just in time to see the Dark Socrates heading for them, claws protracted and looking rather lethal. All three of them cleared out of the way just in time, causing the huge tiger to go into a barrel roll past them.

They watched nervously as he rolled back onto his feet, and he reared up again, growling, looking like he could pounce again.

"Hold it!" Calvin shouted, holding up a hand to stop the tiger.

The Dark Socrates held his pose, glaring at him, daring him to say anything.

"You were the first mental avatar, weren't you?" Calvin said. "You were the first one born in this world, and all the others, the happiness, the scheming and the nobility, you turned them into beings to rule over. Correct?"

"_**CORRECT…**_," the Dark Socrates hissed.

"So what are you made up of? The colorful Socrates was his optimism, the suited Socrates was his deviousness, and the superhero Socrates was his nobility. Which are you then?"

"_**I AM THE DARKEST PART OF HIS NATURE. I AM HIS ANGER. I AM HIS PARANOIA. I AM HIS NEGATIVITY. **_**I **_**RULE THIS WORLD, AND I WILL **_**CRUSH **_**THOSE WHO DARE OPPOSE ME!**_"

Andy blinked. "You're clearly his eloquence as well," he remarked.

"But you're not real," Calvin continued. "You're just an amalgamation of his darkest thoughts. The thoughts that he represses. Socrates may be a self-centered jerk, but he'd never intentionally hurt someone. No wonder you're trying to rule this world. You're the part of him that he uses the least! Thanks to this fault in the chip, you can manipulate it to your will!"

"Wait, what?" Hobbes asked.

"He's the part of Socrates that knows about the computer chip. Like you said, Hobbes, there _is _a part of Socrates' mind that knows there's something here. We're staring at it."

"_**AND WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE, I WILL RULE THEM ALL! THE CHIP'S FAULT HAS GIVEN ME THE ULTIMATE POWER! AND NOW YOU SHALL DIE BY MY CLAWS!**_" the Dark Socrates growled loudly.

"No, because Socrates wouldn't do that," Calvin replied.

"_**BUT I **_**WOULD!**"

And the Dark Socrates pounced.

It all happened too quickly for anyone to react. There was a flash, a blur, and suddenly, the Dark Socrates was going back the way he came, and Hobbes was right in the middle of the world class tackle.

Calvin and Andy stared in amazement as both tigers landed on the ground, almost invisible due to the bright light surrounding them. "Whoa…," the breathed.

Hobbes stood over the Dark Socrates, glaring at him with the Eye of the Tiger.

"One little detail," he growled. "Socrates isn't as in touch with his feline instincts as I am. I think I just found your Achilles Heel."

The Dark Socrates simply growled in response and tackled Hobbes to the ground. The two tigers rolled around on the grass, hissing and growling at each other.

"Hobbes!" Calvin shouted. "Let us help you!"

"No!" Hobbes shouted back. "Fix the fault! Locate it so we can get rid of him!" And he kicked the Dark Socrates in the stomach, sending the larger tiger flying through the air.

Calvin and Andy found the fault again. It was in the form of a beat-up old laptop.

"We've got it," Calvin said. "Quick, Andy, you're better with computers! Do something!"

Andy nervously sat at the laptop and became typing on the keyboard. "Let's see…," he murmured. "It's some old software. Must need some sort of upgrade in order for it to work."

Calvin stared. "You mean the only reason the chip is faulting is because it needs a software upgrade?"

"Hey, if you don't update a normal computer's software at least once a year, it can screw the whole thing up! It makes total sense!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine. We need to send this back to Sherman and the MTM so they can fix it."

"Hang on a second. Let me write up a program."

Andy typed furiously at the laptop.

Calvin glanced over his shoulder and saw that Hobbes was still fighting the Dark Socrates rather commendably, but his friend was clearly tiring. He got himself flung across the grass and landed with a thud, but he managed to get back up again and slowly circle the black tiger.

"Hurry up, Andy. I don't know how much longer Hobbes is going to last."

"Almost… Almost… _Almost_… Got it! Give me the tracker!"

Calvin passed the device to Andy, who placed it into a slot on the side of the laptop. He inputted the data into the tracker, and then he pressed a button marked _SEND_.

"It's on its way," he announced.

"Good!"

Suddenly, Hobbes went flying through the air and landed next to them. He was rather beaten up and out of breath.

"I can't keep this up," he gasped.

"Don't worry, Hobbes. We just need to wait for Sherman."

* * *

Outside, in the real world, MTM started beeping. "I think they've got it sussed. They've sent a request for a software upgrade."

Sherman blinked, and then he slapped his forehead. "Right, the program is three years old. _Of course _it needs an upgrade! Honestly, the things you forget about when you're busy on other projects. I swear, sometimes I think that I – "

"_Upgrade, please_…?" MTM interrupted impatiently.

"Oh right. Hang on…"

Sherman started typing at the computer. He ran through the data for the chip.

* * *

"I think we're sufficiently in danger, don't you guys?" Calvin asked.

"Yes, quite in danger," Hobbes said with a nod.

The Dark Socrates towered over them. "_**I WILL NOT LET THIS WORLD BE TAKEN FROM ME. ONCE I HAVE DESTROYED YOU, I WILL TAKE FULL CONTROL AND RULE THIS TIGER'S MIND AS I SEE FIT! I WILL ENCAPSULATE HIS PSYCHE THROUGH THE DOMAIN I HAVE CREATED! I SHALL SYSTEMATICLLY ERADICATE ALL THE OTHER AVATARS UNTIL ONLY I REMAIN TO CONTROL HIM, AND THEN **_**I SHALL BE ALL POWERFUL!**"

Calvin stared at him thoughtfully. "You borrowed bits of that speech from something, didn't you?" he remarked. "I don't know what, but you did."

* * *

"I borrowed bits from an old software," Sherman said as he stuck a data stick into the MTM's USB port. "I should be able to trick the chip's systems into thinking it's an all-new upgrade."

"Yeah, we computers can be pretty sophisticated idiots, sometimes," MTM remarked. "Inputting data…_now!_"

There was a zap, and suddenly, Socrates' right leg kicked straight up, knocking over table in the process.

Sherman and MTM stared at the mess.

"…I hope I sent it to the right part of the brain," MTM said thoughtfully.

Sherman groaned.

* * *

The Dark Socrates held up a paw, long claws drawn, and went into a windup.

As they cowered helplessly on the ground, Andy took note that the screen on the laptop had changed now.

CONGRATULATIONS SOFTWARE UPDATE SUCCESSFUL

_ENJOY YOUR FULL-FUNCTIONING TRANSMITTER / RECIEVER CHIP_

And just as the Dark Socrates brought his huge paw down on them, the bright light vanished. They could now see where they were: in a field of green grass surrounded by colorful trees.

And the Dark Socrates hated it. He let out a howl of displeasure.

"_**TOO MUCH! THE COLORS ARE TOO MUCH! NO! MAKE IT STOP! GET RID OF IT!**_" he wailed, covering his eyes.

Calvin grinned. "There you have it! Socrates' annoyingly cheerful personality overpowers his darkest impulses any day of the week! Your bucket's been kicked, baby!"

"_**STOP IT! MAKE IT STOP! IT HURTS!**_"

And with a scream like that of a thousand ghouls, the Dark Socrates vanished in a puff of smoke.

They stared at the spot in amazement.

"Oh, what a world, what a world, what a world," Andy remarked.

"Yeah, let's get out of this world," Hobbes said. "I've had enough of this place."

Just then, the tracker beeped. Andy grabbed it and read a flashing message on the screen.

"What's that?" Calvin asked.

"It's a message from the MTM."

"What's he say?"

"Well, the gist of it seems to be that now that we've solved the problem, this world can't exist anymore. The chip is separating from Socrates' mind again, so the world we're in can't be stabilized. It's going to vanish and take us with it unless we get out of here within the next two minutes."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him. During this explanation, a wind had picked up and multi-colored leaves were blowing around everywhere.

"You know, I think I nice little stroll out of here would be a good idea," Hobbes said.

"Capitol," Calvin said with a nod. "Shall we exude?"

"Let's."

And the trio turned and fled the field, noticing that the wind was getting stronger.

As they ran for the lives, they saw something materializing on the path ahead of them.

"What it is?" Andy asked.

"It's our ticket out of here!" Calvin said gleefully. "MTM's securing a link for us to go home!"

"Then let's get going!" Hobbes said eagerly.

The link was taking the form of a small space capsule. Its door slid open and released a lot of dramatic steam.

Andy jumped in first. Hobbes started to follow after him, but he noticed that Calvin had slowed down and he was looking at something in the distance.

"Calvin, come on!" he shouted. "We don't have much time! Look at this place!"

Indeed, the entire world was fading in and out around them, looking more and more transparent, not to mention empty, as the trees, lakes and mountains were one by one vanishing.

But Calvin was focusing on one thing in particular. "Look," he said quietly, pointing at it.

Hobbes followed his gaze and saw what he was looking at.

There was a solid steel door about a mile away, but it was still big enough that they could make out what it was, and they could make out the huge black writing on the front.

_AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY_

"Just like the Happy Socrates said," Calvin murmured.

"Well, forget about it," Hobbes insisted. "It's not important. It'll vanish with the rest of this world!"

"No, look at it, Hobbes. _Really _look at it!"

Hobbes sighed with frustration and _really _looked at the door.

And looked…

And looked…

And then it twigged.

His eyes widened as he saw that the door wasn't fading away with everything else. It seemed to be the only solid thing here apart from them.

"It's staying where it is," he whispered.

"The metaphysical representation of something no one can see," Calvin said. "The avatar of the door will eventually go, but its solidity suggests that whatever it is, it's permanent."

"So what do we do?"

Andy chose that moment to stick his head out of the capsule. "Are you guys coming, or do you want to find out what oblivion looks like this time of year?!"

Calvin looked like he wanted to say something in regards to the door, but he decided against it. "Come on, Hobbes! Let's blow this Popsicle stand!"

Hobbes threw the door one last glance before following in after him into the capsule.

The door closed behind them, and then it vanished from Socratesland.

* * *

Darkness.

Silence.

Something happening.

Can't tell what.

Images of his friends.

Something else.

Can't tell what that is either.

Trying to place it. Seems familiar.

And then a light. A pure white light.

Sixty watts.

Four figures, silhouetted by the light.

Socrates blinked heavily as he looked up at the others staring down at him.

"Hey, you're awake! Finally! Who wins the pool?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes pulled out a sheet of paper. "Let's see… What time is it?"

"4:20." The MTM was in the room somewhere.

"Looks like Andy wins, then."

"Sweet!" Andy said. "What do I get?"

"Ten bucks," Sherman said, passing him some wadded up bills.

"Solid. Not a bad day's work."

Socrates cleared his throat. "Excuse me," he said. "May I ask whatever is happening?"

"Oh, nothing much," Calvin said with a shrug. "You just passed out for an hour."

"I… Why?"

"Something in the pill you took," Sherman said. "All to be expected. We ran a full medical when you fell, and it just put you to sleep, so we just let it get through your system. Figured we might as well make it interesting."

Socrates furrowed his brow. "You…you bet on when I was going to regain consciousness?"

"Why not?" Calvin asked.

Slowly, Socrates managed to sit up on the table. He rubbed his head as his grogginess began to subside. "Man…," he grunted. "I don't know whether to feel insulted or disappointed."

"Why would you be disappointed?" Andy asked.

"I might've wanted in on that action."

"You were, actually. You might find that you're short two bucks," Calvin noted.

"Oh…," Socrates said, at first looking confused, but then he cheered up. "Well, as long as you played fair then."

"Of course."

Socrates got off the table and headed over to the box he'd discarded earlier. "Well, if you no longer require me to be a lab rat for a lab rat – "

"Hamster!" Sherman angrily corrected.

" – then perhaps I can be returned home so that I may complete my work."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say," Calvin sighed. "MTM, send him back to the mansion."

"Hang about. Just need to finish recharging my power cells. Nearly there…"

Socrates picked up the box and blueprints. "Why are your power cells low?" he asked.

"I did a bit of heavy-duty work while you were sleeping."

"Oh? What did you do?"

There was a heavy silence in the room.

"Er…see you later, Socrates," Calvin said at last, pressing a button on the MTM.

And very suddenly, in a flash of blue, Socrates vanished before he could say anything else.

"_That _was a close one," Andy sighed, leaning against the table.

"Yes, but hopefully we won't have another problem for the next three years," Sherman said, taking off his lab coat.

"Well, I've gotta get home and finish that homework," Calvin decided, grabbing the MTM and heading for the staircase. "Come on, Hobbes. Let's go."

"Sure thing. Always willing to help with your homework."

"Actually, I need you to do something else for me."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I need you to get Dad's calculator off the top shelf of the bookcase. You're tall enough to reach it."

Hobbes looked offended. "Again with the machines! You honestly need to trust my instincts!"

And they continued arguing as they left through the lab door.

Andy and Sherman sighed and resumed work.

**THE END**

* * *

**Voice Cast**

**Pamela Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Norman Lovett: **MTM


	2. Temporal Delay

**Author's Notes: **_Ooh, look! An update that didn't take an entire year to be put up! _

_This story was originally named_ "Terror From the Year 2011" _- a play on the movie title _"Terror From the Year 5000" - _before being renamed _"Terror From the Year 2012", _and now it is _"Temporal Delay"_ because A) It's not 2011 or 2012 anymore, B) It's not going to stay 2013 forever, so it would be dated really fast, and C) There is no actual terror to speak of, just a weird Sci-Fi plot._

_Enjoy._

* * *

The darkest reaches of deep space were suddenly intruded upon by a small red flying saucer. It zipped and looped around the planets and rocketed towards one in particular. It zoomed at high speed towards the green surface.

_We join our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, as he zooms in for a landing on an uncharted planet in the Garlex System. He brings the cruiser in for a landing in an area overlooking a huge canyon._

The glass dome over the craft slid open, and Spiff jumped out, making sure to put on the security device, which he did by taking his key fob and pressing a button. Instead of the clichéd car alarm chirp, it flashed a green orb around the ship that appeared briefly before vanishing from normal view.

_With his ship secure for now, our hero sets off to explore and discover what weirdness there may be in the area._

Spiff trekked out across the plains of the rocky ridges, trying to locate anything out of the ordinary.

_He wanders for several minutes. The area seems uninhabited. Our hero takes out his Bizarre-O-Tron 3000 to scan the area with._

Spiff reached into his utility belt and took out a device that looked like an iPod. He pressed some commands into the touch-screen and swiped it around the area deftly, listening to the beeping sound it made either slow down or speed up in the various directions.

_At first, nothing, but then…_

**BEEPEDY-BEEP! BEEPEDY-BEEP! BEEPEDY-BEEP!**

…_weirdness at last! Our hero moves north by northwest!_

Spiff followed the device's beeping towards the source of the weird.

_For at least thirty minutes, nothing is found. Spiff grows weary under this planet's sun, which is much closer than Earth's._

Sweating and gasping, Spiff climbed up over rocks and through shrubbery, trying to determine the source of his device's beeping.

"Come on, come on…," he muttered. "There must be _something _making that beeping noise!"

_But at last, his persistence pays off! He climbs over the top of another hill, and as he peers down into the valley below, he gasps at what he sees. There is some sort of strange creature down below, surrounded by other smaller creatures._

Spiff stared over the top of the hill at the strange ceremony taking place below him.

A medium-sized yet squat-looking alien with multiple stubby appendages had four other smaller aliens tied to a row of stakes. They all had horrified looks on their faces as the bigger monster loomed over them.

"What bizarre rituals could they be performing?" Spiff pondered aloud.

The squat alien was standing before a cauldron, which was bubbling with some sort of vile-looking liquid. It took out an object that resembled a ladle, and it scooped out some and poured it into four little cups.

_Our hero consults the Bizarre-O-Tron to determine these curious goings-on going on._

Spiff pressed for more options on the touch screen and selected SCAN EVENT. He then aimed it at the group down below. The device scanned the brain patterns of the creatures to conclude what was happening.

After a few moments, the results were displayed before his eyes on the screen.

_Apparently this is no ritual at all! That strange creature, known only as a Fem-All, is committing mass-murder! Those four aliens are about to be poisoned by an unknown toxin! Spiff sizes up the situation: he must barge in and stop the Fem-All from committing this deed. He reaches for his blaster._

Spiff pulled out his rad-pistol and aimed it at the monster.

"What goes around comes around, you sick fiend," he muttered, lining up the shot.

He was just about to let fire when…

"Calvin, what are you doing?"

Spiff looked back over his shoulder at the figure.

It was Calvin's Dad.

Suddenly, the great canyon was his own front yard. The hilltop became some shrubbery. The squat alien became Susie Derkins, the vile poison was some tea, and the captured aliens were her various dollies.

Calvin blinked a few times, looking at the blaster in his hand, which had somehow turned into a bunch of mushy apples. Realizing that this painted a rather bad picture against him, he promptly ditched them in the shrubbery and turned around to face his father.

"Hey, Dad, what's up?" he asked pleasantly.

"Well, I was just thinking today, and I believe it's time you and I had some more quality time together," Dad replied.

Calvin stared at him. "What? You mean, we're on that whole 'quality time' kick again?"

"Calvin, it's been too long since the last time we went bike riding together."

"I don't think it's been long enough, quite frankly! That bike had it out for me!"

"Okay, so you have a balancing problem. We could work on that."

"Dad, quite frankly, I am fairly open to various other alternatives to bike riding."

"Don't worry. I had a feeling you would be. That's why I got us tickets to the art museum today!"

Calvin blinked twice. "Did you indeed? How fascinating…," he said, looking very uninterested in the idea.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun! I'll let you bring Hobbes with you."

"Dad, I just don't know about going to an _art _museum… Can't we go to the Natural History Museum instead?"

"Calvin, we've been there several times now. You know the dinosaur exhibits by heart. Besides, your ban hasn't been lifted yet since _last _time's visit. Remember?"

Calvin scowled. "Well, if they don't want me to bite people, they should really say that somewhere on a sign."

Dad sighed. "Come on, it'll be fun! You could use a little more culture in your life after all those mind-sapping cartoons that have been on lately."

"There's nothing wrong with mind-sapping cartoons! They give you a chance to not think anything provoking or stimulating for a half-hour!"

"I've noticed. Now come on, get Hobbes and then get in the car."

And with that, Dad turned and headed for the garage.

Calvin glared at him and fingered the mushy apples in the bushes for a moment thoughtfully before deciding against it and heading towards the house.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were up in the bedroom. They were both on the bed reading some of Calvin's comic books.

Hobbes' ears perked up at one point. "Oop, he's coming up the stairs," he said, putting his issue of _Captain Napalm _away.

"Uh-oh," Socrates said. "Better ditch the comics."

"He's like one of us when you roam on our territory."

"Huh?"

"Well, when you wander onto a tiger's territory, we growl and hiss and attack you until you either clear off or we eat you."

"We do?"

Hobbes looked up at his fellow tiger. "Socrates, when's the last time you ever pounced _anything_?" he asked curiously.

Socrates looked at his watch. "Er…what is…today?" he asked sheepishly.

At that moment, Calvin walked in, looking rather irritated.

"Hey, Cally!" Socrates said cheerfully.

"Quiet, you," Calvin snapped back. "Hobbes, come on. We're going somewhere."

"Really? Where?" Hobbes asked.

"Dad's taking us to the art museum. We need to get going."

"The art museum? Why are we going there?"

"Eh, Dad wants to spend 'quality time' with me again, so I have to go with him to get all 'cultured' up."

"Ooh, can't wait," Hobbes sighed, getting down.

"Can I come too?" Socrates asked excitedly.

"Why would _you _want to come to an art museum?" Calvin asked.

"Why not? I can find joy and beauty in paintings and sculptures. Michelangelo's painting of the sunflowers is simply _breathtaking_!"

"Van Gogh."

"Huh?"

"Michelangelo didn't paint the sunflowers painting. Vincent Van Gogh did."

"Oh… Then what did Michelangelo paint?"

"He did that church ceiling full of naked people trying to touch fingers," Hobbes filled in.

"Oh… Well, nevertheless, I'm game."

Calvin shrugged. "Well, against my better judgment, sure, why not?" he said with a sigh. "Let's get going."

They started to leave, but then Calvin remembered something and doubled back to his desk, snatching up the snoozing MTM.

"Come on, MTM, we're going to get 'cultured'."

"Hmmm…? What? What's happening?" MTM asked sleepily.

But Calvin just jammed him in his pocket and hurried on.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they were in the parking lot and getting out of the car.

"Okay, Calvin, remember to behave yourself," Dad said sternly as he locked the door.

"Oh, it's not me you have to worry about," Calvin said. "Worry about Socrates. I have some feeling he's going to play Frisbee with _The Last Supper_."

Dad rolled his eyes, not seeing Socrates grin innocently at Calvin.

They walked along towards the front doors of the giant building, and as they pushed their way through, they saw the turnstiles up ahead, and a man in a uniform was standing there, looking at them pleasantly.

Calvin's eyes widened. "Wait a minute," he said, "aren't you Klein?!"

"Hey, yeah, I remember you," Klein replied, grinning down at him. "Calvin, right?"

"Yeah! Which Klein are you again?"

"I'm the one who ran the prank shop."

"Oh, right, that was a good shop. What happened?"

"Eh, place went out a business. In this recession, it's difficult to run a store where the best selling item is a gag-buzzer."

"It _has _been a trying year," Socrates whispered to Hobbes.

Dad had been watching all this in a stupor before he finally snapped out of it. "Excuse me," he said, trying to grab Klein's attention.

"Yes, sir, I take it you are the boy's father," he said.

"Yes, I am. We'd like to look at the exhibits, please."

"Very well, sir. That's twenty bucks for the adult and seven bucks for the kid."

"Tigers get in for free, right?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Klein shrugged, glancing at the stuffed tigers behind him.

Dad got out his wallet and handed him the cash. Klein put it in the machine and then pulled out two tickets, passing them on.

"Right then," he said, "no spitting on the paintings, no painting the statues, no staring at the Sistine Chapel replica for more than two minutes, and no shouting obscenities at the soup can. Have a nice day."

"Thank you," Dad replied, and he walked through the turnstile.

Calvin walked through after him, having to push against it with his hands, as he wasn't quite tall enough yet.

Hobbes simply pounced _over _it, landing deftly on his feet next to Calvin.

Socrates stared at it for a moment before trying to follow in suit after Hobbes, rearing up and pouncing, but he ended up not going quite high enough so he hit the top bar of the turnstile and got stuck, and he ended up spinning on it like it was a windmill in a hurricane, before he finally lost his grip on it and was sent crashing to the ground in a heap next to them.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

Socrates tried to grin back, looking rather dizzy.

"You're a disgrace," Hobbes muttered, shaking his head in disgust, slinking off on all fours.

Socrates scowled at him and followed.

* * *

"Well, Calvin, what do you think?" Dad asked, spreading his arms enthusiastically around the museum.

Calvin looked at all the paintings. "Fascinating," he muttered. "A bunch of paintings of people desperately trying to imitate life is just what I needed to feel better about our relationship."

"Oh, look around, Calvin," Dad said. "Just look at all these paintings! Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Pablo Picasso, Gainsborough… Each one tells a different story! Just think: Vincent Van Gogh was one of the world's greatest painters, but he lived out his entire life being mocked, believed to be mad, and eventually he committed suicide in his thirty, a financial failure."

Calvin stared at him. "Well, that's an inspiring story," he said disparagingly.

"But look around us now! Van Gogh now has his own section in the museum! He is now the most well-known and admired painter in all of history!"

"Most people just remember his little ear adventure."

Dad sighed. "Calvin, take a look around this place. I guarantee you you'll find something that impresses you. Something that will make you think."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Come on, guys," he sighed, grabbing his tigers and heading further into the museum.

Dad watched him leave for a moment, grinning to himself before turning around and noticing another painting of a Krazy Kat cartoon. He scowled at it disappointedly. "Stupid cartoons everywhere," he grumbled.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates wandered around the museum, looking at the various paintings.

"Look at all of these," Calvin remarked. "I find it hard to believe that Van Gogh died a financial failure. Just look at all of these! They're just _screaming _for reproduction!"

"How do you mean?" Hobbes asked, studying them.

"Look at them! A field of wheat? A church? A café? They're easily replicated! Slap 'em on a T-shirt and they're ready to go!"

"So what? They're just paintings he wanted to make."

"Oh come on! He was before his time. He wanted to get rich quick, but people were blind. They couldn't see how easily replicated his work could be. They could've caught on as mascots! Imagine a giant Van Gogh with a bandaged ear encouraging crowds at a football game!"

Socrates genuinely thought about this. "I could see it…," he mused.

"Oh brother," Hobbes sighed.

"Hey, it's not _my_ fault fine art is dead! Nobody understands it. Nobody likes it. Nobody sees it. Only sad pathetic people still clinging to beauty in brushstrokes bother to come to these places. It's irrelevant to today's culture. If you want to influence people, _pop art _is the way to go. Mass market commercial art is the future. Besides, it's the only way to make serious money and that's what's important about being an artist."

"Yes, that whole expressing creativity and heart and soul thing is probably just a bonus," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Exactly! See, the problem with fine art is that it's supposed to express original truths! But who likes originality and truth?! Nobody! Life's hard enough without it! Only an idiot would _pay _for it! But _popular _art knows the customer is right! People want _more _of what they already know they like, so popular art gives it to 'em!"

"I take it that's why fan fiction has become so popular," Socrates remarked.

"Exactly!" Calvin agreed. "There's no real thinking behind fan fiction. It saves you the trouble of thinking up your own characters and ideas. You just take what somebody else came up with and retool it to your own needs. Unfortunately, a little thing called _copywriting _keeps them from going public."

His eyes flitted to another painting.

"And look at _that _painting over there! Look at it! It's totally lacking in aesthetic quality! Where's the reason? The motivation? _The laser guns_?!"

Hobbes and Socrates stared at it for a moment.

"I think they've gotten the one riding and the one being ridden are mixed up," Hobbes noted.

"Not a very good caricature of a tiger either," Socrates added.

Calvin groaned. "See, this is why nobody likes museums! They only come in for the gift shop! _That's _where the real money is. If your painting is so easy to market, you can put it on a coffee mug, _then _you know you've made it!"

"Something to strive for, I suppose," Hobbes sighed.

"Man, I can't believe I allowed myself to be dragged here. I want out. Hang on a minute…"

Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out MTM.

"Okay, MTM, we've got a job for you."

"You want me to reconfigure the molecular structure of _The Thinker _while whistling Dixie?" MTM asked.

"No, I want you to… I want you…to…er… Wait, what?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Er…I want you to fast-forward us through this visit to the art museum."

"Ooh, sounds fun!" Socrates said excitedly.

But MTM wasn't so sure. "Calvin, I feel it is my formal obligation to inform you that time doesn't work like that. You never know what could go wrong with such a request."

"Look, MTM, I'm sorry, but I just can't stand wandering around this place for so long. It's boring. It's dull. There are no decent cartoon characters. Why can't we ever see a portrait of Bugs Bunny playing a trick on Elmer Fudd? Why can't _those _paintings be in this museum?"

MTM sighed electronically. "So you're sure about this?"

"I've never been surer in my life."

"Alright then, but don't blame me if something goes wrong."

"Not a problem. Socrates is right over there."

"Hey!" Socrates snapped.

"Right, warming up… Preparing to fast-forward… Everyone grab on."

Calvin held the CD player up, and Hobbes and Socrates both held onto his edge.

"Here we go."

MTM then began to hum, almost like an engine powering up.

Then they noticed that the people around them were speeding up. They were flashing past in a blur as time flashed by, like stock footage being fast-forwarded, while they themselves seemed to not be going very fast at all.

"Wow…," Hobbes remarked.

"Hang on… This visit will end in another two hours. I just need to make a good solid skip ahead to 3:00 PM."

"Alright, we're ready when you are," Calvin replied.

"Okay, just give me a second…second…second…second…second…"

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at the MTM in confusion.

"What's he doing that for?" Socrates asked.

"…second…second…second…second…"

Calvin's eyes widened. "Uh-oh. I think he's in a loop. Something must've gone wrong."

"Of course it did," Hobbes sighed resentfully.

"…second…second…second…second…"

"Hang on, let me try something."

"…second…second…second…second…"

"Why, what are you…?"

"…second…second…second…second…"

Calvin brought his fist down on top of the MTM.

"…second…second…second…second…uh-oh…"

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light, and all three of them lost their grip on the MTM as if something had yanked it away from them. They all fell to the floor, sat for a moment, and then blindly reached around, trying to figure out what had happened, unable to see in front of themselves.

Finally, Calvin realized his sight was returning to him.

When he looked around, he saw that the people were moving at normal speed.

He checked his watch.

3:00 PM.

"Hey, we did it!" he exclaimed. "Guys? Everyone okay?"

Calvin looked around and saw the MTM lying inactive on the floor. He hurried over and picked him up, but got nothing.

Hobbes was off to the side. He was slowly getting up as well. He slowly started to notice Calvin.

"I'm fine, Hobbes, it's MTM I'm concerned for," Calvin replied.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, trying to get his head to stop swimming.

There was a moment's pause.

Hobbes stared at him for a moment, a little confused, but shrugged it off and headed over towards him.

"I think he's over there," Calvin said, motioning over towards where he thought Socrates might be.

"So where's Socrates? Is he okay?" he asked, stretching a little.

Calvin glanced up at Hobbes in surprise for a moment before he went back to examining MTM.

Hobbes blinked twice before he seemed to realize what had just happened.

"I'm not sure. Isn't it weird?" Calvin replied, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

"How'd you do that?" Hobbes asked.

"That's why I'm trying to get MTM up and running. He'll tell us what went wrong."

"I'll say it is. What do you think happened?"

Then Calvin looked in Socrates' direction. "I'm not sure. MTM's on the blink."

Just then Socrates got up. "What happened?" he asked tiredly.

And then Socrates glanced over to where Calvin had been lying down a minute a go and seemed to be following something over to where he was now.

"Something went wrong in the transference," Calvin replied.

"What happened to the MTM?" he asked.

Socrates glanced over at where Hobbes had been, then looked confused as he glanced at where he was now.

"What are you talking about?"

But Socrates just stared at him for a long time before he spoke again.

"Hey, Hobbo, how'd you get up there so fast?"

"Yeah, just sit there for a moment while I figure this out."

"Do you need me to do anything?"

"Give him a moment, Hobbes. He's a little slow right now."

Hobbes stared. "Wait, Socrates, what's happening to you?"

They all sat in silence while Socrates just sat there, staring at them intently. Ten seconds passed and then he suddenly looked insulted. "Hey, what do you mean I'm slow?"

"I already said, something went wrong with the transference," Calvin explained.

Hobbes' eyes widened. "What's happening?" he demanded.

"Will somebody _please _answer my question?!" Socrates yelled.

"I'm trying to get the right setting. I'm seeing if I can get him to speak in three different times at once," Calvin said. Then to Socrates he said, "Hang on, I'm looking for an answer."

"What are you even doing?" Hobbes asked.

"Why are you guys talking like that?" Socrates asked.

"Well, as far as I can tell, I'm three seconds before you, and _you're_ a ten seconds before Socrates, and he's thirteen seconds behind me."

"Can you tell us anything _now_?"

Calvin just grimaced at the weird conversation. "I honestly wish we'd left Socrates at home. Then it'd just be the two of us. It'd be a heck of a lot easier to keep up with these new time zones."

As he continued to work, Hobbes then looked up at him while he didn't speak, and after it was over he rolled his eyes, and by the time thirteen seconds had passed, Socrates looked rather insulted.

"Wait, I think I've…_got it_!"

"Haven't you gotten him working yet?" Hobbes asked.

At that moment, MTM powered on, but only Calvin witnessed this. Although Hobbes and Socrates could also see this, it didn't register with them until their respective time zones caught up with events.

"Alright, Calvin, I'm talking to you in your time zone," MTM said. "The others will hear my message in their times. I've prepared some dialogue for them as well. Just tune them out for now and focus on me."

Calvin nodded glancing at Hobbes and Socrates.

They were also looking at MTM, but Hobbes nodded three seconds later, and then Socrates ten seconds after that, showing that they all were in on the plot.

"Essentially, the problem occurred when we tried to skip time. There was a slight software hiccup, and to cut a long story short, we've gotten stuck in a place halfway between the time vortex and the real world."

"So what do we do about it?" Calvin asked.

"Well the best thing we can do is…," MTM began, pausing for a moment.

"So what do we do about it?" Hobbes asked.

"…try to work on a solution. I'll need to dedicate all of my run-time to figuring out what precisely that solution is. It might be best to wait until we get home."

"So what do we do about it?" Socrates suddenly asked.

"Okay, I'll try that. Do I keep you out while they finish talking to you, or should I just put you in my pocket now?" Calvin asked.

"Go ahead and put me away. They'll figure it out," MTM replied.

"Okay."

Calvin put MTM in his pocket, and waited for the others to catch up with him.

Three seconds later, Hobbes said, "Okay, we'll do that," and he looked up at Calvin expectantly.

Then ten seconds later, Socrates laughed and said, "Yeah, he totally is, isn't he? See you there," and then he too looked at Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes looked confused but decided to just ignore it.

"Let's go find Dad and head home," Calvin said. "We need to sort this out."

"So what do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin was already walking away, and Hobbes slowly started to walk after him three seconds later.

Ten seconds later, Socrates, who was staring at that same spot, looked innocent and said, "What?" Then another ten seconds later, he nodded and followed after them.

* * *

Dad was reading a brochure on the bench near the entrance. He was just going over some info about a painting when Calvin walked up with his tigers in his arms.

"Yeah, sure, Dad, whatever, can we go home now?" Calvin asked.

"Ah, Calvin, did you have fun like I thought you would?" Dad asked eagerly.

Dad stared at him, surprised.

"I'm three seconds ahead of you, that's how."

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

Dad's brow furrowed. How did his son do that?

"It's not my fault, Dad. MTM had a malfunction and now I'm three seconds ahead of you and Hobbes."

"Calvin, what are you doing?"

"It's not a trick, Dad! I'm stuck in the wrong part of time now! Hobbes and Socrates are too!"

"Calvin, this is a neat trick, but enough is enough."

"I'll say it's ridiculous! You're not seeing it from _my _point of view!"

"Calvin, really, this is starting to get ridiculous."

"That's what I wanted it in the first place!"

"Alright, that's it. We're going home right now."

"Dad, stop shouting! People are staring at us now!"

"Calvin, just stop talking! This is really annoying!"

Then Dad stopped and realized what Calvin had said. He looked around at the crowd that was slowly gathering around them.

"Wow! It must've taken them _ages _to rehearse this!" one spectator said.

And people started clapping, impressed.

Dad glared at Calvin.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Calvin grumbled, heading towards the door.

"Alright, young man, we're going home," he snapped, heading for the door.

Then he stopped, realized, gritted his teeth and tried to keep ahead of his son.

They passed through the turnstile, showing Klein their tickets on the way out.

"Whatever," Calvin grumbled.

"Hope you enjoyed your stay," Klein said with a wave. "Come back soon."

As they were walking through the glass doors, Klein realized what had happened.

"Huh," he remarked. "Must've been a time distortion just then. Strange… They usually don't come along until springtime." And with that, he went back to his magazine.

* * *

Calvin walked through his front door with his two stuffed tigers draped over his shoulder.

"Boring as heck. What do we have scheduled for dinner?" he said, starting up the stairs.

"How was the museum visit, Calvin?" Mom said, leaning out of the kitchen. She paused for a second.

"I said it was boring as heck," Calvin nodded, again.

"Wait, what did you say?" Mom asked, raising her eyebrows.

Calvin and Mom stared at each other for a long moment.

"Yeah well, I vote we order pizza," Calvin said, turning around and heading upstairs.

"We're having Eggplant casserole for dinner, Calvin," Mom said, turning back around to go into the kitchen.

She paused. At that moment, Dad entered the house.

"So how long has he been doing _this?_" she asked, turning to him.

Dad shrugged. "He's just being weird, again," he sighed.

"What do you mean?" Mom asked. "How's he doing that?"

"No, I'm not!" Calvin suddenly shouted from upstairs.

"I think he's just guessing what we're going to say," Dad shrugged.

There was a moment of silence.

Mom and Dad stared at each other for a long moment.

"I'm going to go get ready for dinner," Dad mumbled, trudging away.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates walked into Calvin's bedroom as he set the MTM on the desk.

"Alright, MTM, what are we going to do about _this?_" Calvin said, stretching a kink out of his neck.

"Yeah, really," Hobbes moaned three seconds later.

Socrates simply continued standing there with a blank expression on his face staring at Calvin and Hobbes. Finally, he spoke.

"Ya know, I'm starting to think I'm getting left out here," he said, his brow furrowing.

"Well," MTM began. "In theory, the same time rewind in the opposite direction may recalibrate the time stream and put everyone back in order."

"That's great, let's do it," Calvin said, rubbing his hands together.

"Sorry," MTM said. "Can't at the moment."

Calvin stared at CD player.

"And... why can't you do it?" he said, glaring at it.

"Energy purposes," MTM said, simply. "I need to recharge the time machine before I can use it, again."

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all stared at the MTM in utter disbelief.

"And how long have you been doing this?" Hobbes demanded.

"Since yesterday," MTM said, sounding as if he was nodding. "Found out the reason my cable TV goes out every so often is because I use the time machine in too close together intervals."

Calvin closed his eyes. "You're kidding, right?" he grumbled.

"Nope," MTM said. "Luckily, though, I'll be able to set everything back to normal by this time tomorrow,"

"Tomorrow?!" Calvin demanded. "But I have school, tomorrow!"

MTM thought about this. "You do, indeed," he said, thoughtfully.

"I can't go to school like this!" Calvin said, slapping his forehead. "Do you have any idea how many times I'll get in trouble?"

"Oh relax," MTM said. "Just make sure you wait three seconds before you answer anybody that talks to you,"

"What about me?" Socrates asked, putting his paw on his chest. "I can't do that!"

"Yes well, you're, I'm afraid, completely out of luck." MTM said.

Socrates glared at the CD player.

* * *

Susie walked down the sidewalk with her textbooks held under her arm as she whistled a small tune to herself, approaching the bus stop.

As she came closer, she spotted Calvin standing off by himself with his arms crossed. Her smile dropped slightly.

"Ho boy," she muttered. "What do I have to look forward to, today?"

She approached him.

"Been better."

"Hi Calvin, how are you?" Susie asked.

There was a moment of silence.

"I said been better," Calvin repeated.

"What did you say?" Susie asked.

"Because I'm three seconds ahead of you."

"Why are you talking like that?" Susie asked, raising her eyebrows.

"If only I cared, Miss Derkins," Calvin said.

"OK, fine, if you're going to be weird like that, I just won't talk to you," Susie said, turning around.

There was a moment of silence.

Susie thought about their conversation for a long moment. She turned back to him.

"We had a report due today?" Calvin said, blankly.

"Did you finish that report that's due today on the Roman Empire?" She asked.

She paused.

"Again, if only I cared," Calvin said.

"I don't get you, Calvin," Susie said, turning back around.

At that moment, the school bus pulled up.

As the doors opened and Calvin and Susie walked aboard, with Susie giving him weird looks as she went, Calvin noticed Moe sitting near the front. He glared at Calvin.

"Don't you ever think of new threatening phrases?" Calvin asked, blinking.

"Hey Twinky, it's gonna cost twenty five cents for you to be my friend, today!" Moe said, pointing at him.

He paused.

"My point exactly," Calvin said, taking his seat.

"What?" Moe stuttered.

Susie rolled her eyes. _This is gonna be a long day_. She thought to herself.

* * *

"Alright, so who would like to come up to the board and demonstrate this problem?" Miss Wormwood asked, pointing her chalk at the board which currently had a simple math problem drawn on it.

"What?" Calvin asked, looking up.

"Calvin would you like to?" Miss Wormwood asked, turning around.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin and Miss Wormwood stared at each other.

"No, that's why I said 'What'," Calvin said.

"Calvin, did you hear me?" Miss Wormwood asked.

There was another moment of silence.

"What am I doing?"

"Calvin, I'm really not in the mood for this," Miss Wormwood groaned.

Some of the other students began chuckling.

"Oh, sure. I'd love to," Calvin said, standing up.

"Just come up and do the problem, Calvin!" Miss Wormwood ordered, pointing at the chalkboard. She paused as she stared at Calvin for a long moment.

Finally, she just sighed and sat down at her desk.

Calvin walked up to the board and stared at it. The problem was 3 plus 4. He tapped his chin as he examined it.

"Alright then," He said, cracking his knuckles. "I will work this problem out with the knowledge I've gained from Hobbes' experience." He picked up the chalk. "I will begin by isolating the three by dividing both sides of the equation by the four. That leaves us with 0.75 plus one. The one, like the penny, is completely useless and irrelevant, so we will throw it away and replace it with 2,012, because that's the year the Mayan calendar ends. We then multiply 2,012 by 0.75 and subtract the product by my age. This leaves us 1,503 and the plus sign which we have to put onto the opposite side and reverse it, meaning the answer is negative one thousand five hundred and three."

Calvin put the chalk on the board and turned to Miss Wormwood. She stared at him for a long throbbing moment.

* * *

Mr. Spittle was in his office, filing some papers and examining some folders. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called.

"You always I assume I'm in trouble for something!" Calvin said, as he burst into the office. "How do you know I'm not here to visit or something?"

"What did you do this time, Calvin?" Mr. Spittle sighed, giving him his usual blank expression.

There was a moment of silence in which the two stared at each other for a moment.

"I don't know, you were the one who talked first," Calvin said.

"What?" Mr. Spittle began.

There was another silence.

"I agree," Calvin nodded. "I don't have time for this kind of nonsense."

"Oh god," Mr. Spittle groaned.

* * *

"Fine thanks and yours?" Calvin said, walking through the front door.

"How was your day, Calvin?" Mom asked, leaning out of the kitchen.

There was a pause as Calvin and Mom stared at each other.

"Whatever," Mom said, turning back into the kitchen.

Calvin stared at the doorway for another second, shrugged, and started up the stairs. He opened the door to his bedroom and looked around. MTM was sitting on the bed, emitting a low computer hum.

"Oh hello, my good man," MTM said, upon his entering into the bedroom. "How was school?"

"Surprisingly interesting," Calvin nodded. "Where's Hobbes?"

"Last I saw him he was getting ready to pounce on you."

"Really?" he said, blinking. "I didn't see him."

"Well, that's what he said," MTM said, simply.

At that moment, Hobbes walked through the bedroom door.

"I'm five seconds ahead of you, remember?" Calvin said, turning to him as soon as he walked in.

"Where the heck did you come from?" Hobbes demanded, glaring at him.

There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other.

Calvin nodded.

"Oh right," Hobbes said. "Kinda forgot for a minute."

Calvin turned back to the MTM.

"So what's up?" He said, raising his eyebrows. "Can you fix us, yet?"

"Probably," MTM said. "Only thing is, the temporal adjuster is still a bit off, which will require a bit of a thinner bit of air to cause it to work."

"What does that mean?" Calvin asked.

"We need to be high up when I do it."

Calvin shrugged.

"Alright, no big deal," He said. "We can just get into the tree house. Why don't you alert our old buddy of the development,"

"Hold on," MTM said, the humming starting up, again.

_**BRAZAP!**_

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Socrates suddenly appeared in front of Calvin and Hobbes. He landed on the floor in front of them, and continued to stare off into space, as if he had been watching TV.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

Socrates continued staring blankly ahead.

"Erm... Socrates?" Hobbes began.

"Yeah, well, if only I cared, Socrates," Calvin said, picking up the MTM. "Come on, we have work to do."

Suddenly, Socrates went into a little mini seizure as the pain from being dropped three feet into the air onto the ground finally registered, and he found out where he was. "OW!" he yelled, looking around. "Really, now. A little bit of warning would be nice before you do that!"

Hobbes followed Calvin out the door.

There was a moment of silence as Socrates stared off into space for another minute. Then, he looked around.

"Hey? Where'd everyone go?" he asked.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates all sat in a circle in the tree house. Calvin had put the MTM in front of them and was typing commands.

"Alright," he said. "You think this is high enough?"

"Probably," MTM said. "Give me a minute and I'll initiate the redo function."

There was a moment of silence as they all stared at the CD player.

Suddenly, Calvin looked up at Hobbes.

"Yes, I agree," he said, simply.

He looked back down at the MTM.

There was a short pause.

"I think there's an interesting lesson we should learn from this," Hobbes said, looking up at Calvin.

He looked back down at the MTM.

There was a slightly longer pause.

Calvin looked up again. "Nobody asked you," he said, turning to Socrates. He looked down again.

Socrates looked up.

"What?" he asked.

"OK, I'm ready." MTM suddenly interjected. "All of you put your hands on me."

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates all put their hands on top of the CD player.

"Rebooting system," MTM said. "Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."

_**BRAZAP!**_

There was a moment of silence.

"Did it work?" Socrates asked.

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates with blank expressions.

A good minute and a half went by before there was any response.

"I'm not sure," Calvin said. "MTM did it work?"

MTM heaved a deep sigh.

"No," he grumbled. "We're not high up enough."

"I don't know if it worked or not," Hobbes said, finally.

"So it didn't work?" Socrates asked.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Oh well, this is just perfect," Calvin groaned. "Now it's even worse than before!"

"Let's not fret," MTM said, reassuringly. "I'm sure if we go a little bit higher we'll get better results."

Calvin glared at him. "What good is _that _going to do?"

"Not sure," MTM said. "Frankly I've been operating from guess work for the last half hour. Gets me out of a surprisingly large amount of problems."

"Like what?" Hobbes demanded.

"Can't remember any at the moment," MTM said. "Alright then, we better get to work on climbing the tree."

Everyone groaned. Or to be slightly more specific, Socrates groaned, Calvin groaned about a minute later and Hobbes groaned another thirty seconds after that. Confusing stuff.

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were sitting on a tree branch a good thirty feet above their tree house. Calvin was holding the MTM to the sky, while Hobbes held onto him and kept a look out for if his Mom saw them.

"Alright, can you do it, now?!" Calvin demanded, his face, partially hidden from behind all the leaves in front of it.

"I'm pretty sure," MTM said. "I'll just need a second to warm the equipment up, again."

There was a moment of silence as everyone held as still as possible and waited.

Calvin felt his arms beginning to get tired.

"Um, MTM?" Calvin began.

"Hmm?" MTM asked.

"Hurry the heck up."

"Righto, everything's ready,"

There was another pause.

"Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."

_**BRAZAP!**_

There was a moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

"Did it work?" Calvin asked.

"I don't know," Hobbes started.

They stared at each other.

"Yep, it worked," Hobbes nodded.

The two turned to Socrates.

"Alright, Socrates, everything is back to nor..."

"Did it work?" Socrates suddenly, interjected.

Silence filled the land. Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates for a long throbbing moment. They exchanged glances.

"Can we just...?" Calvin began.

Hobbes gave him a stern look.

Calvin frowned and crossed his arms. "Fine," he grumbled. "Let's go fix _Socrates _now."

* * *

Several minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were even higher in the tree, with Calvin holding the MTM as high as he could.

"Alright, buddy," Calvin groaned. "Think you'll make it actually work this time?!"

MTM scoffed. "I'm offended. You take no consideration of the fact that you and Hobbes are back in your proper time streams."

"Yeah, and you take no consideration that it _didn't work!_" Calvin grumbled.

"Oh complaints," MTM scoffed. "Nobody focuses on the positives of like, anymore."

"Just fix it," Hobbes moaned.

There was a moment of silence.

"So it didn't work, then?" Socrates said.

"Fine," MTM said. "Initiating time correction in three... two... three... system error."

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM with a blank expression.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"Hang about. Rebooting systems."

Calvin and Hobbes groaned.

"Initiating time correction in three... two... one..."

_**BRAZAAP!**_

There was a moment of silence.

"Did it work this time?" Socrates asked.

"Wait," MTM said. "Calvin's still a bit off."

_**BRAZAP!**_

There was another moment of silence.

"Wow, still just by a bit. Hobbes is off by a smidgen, too," MTM admitted. "Hang about."

_**BRAZAP!**_

There was a pause.

"Hmmm, I can do better than that," MTM said.

_**BRAZAAP!**_

_**BRAZAAP!**_

_**BRAZAAP!**_!

"There we go! All better!"

Calvin glared at the CD player.

"Really?" He asked.

"Well, Socrates is still behind by about 0.00035 seconds, but I'm pretty sure, he can live with it."

Socrates glared at MTM.

There was a pause.

"Actually, no, I'm a perfectionist," MTM said, suddenly. "Let me have another go."

"Yeah, we're done," Calvin said, bringing the MTM down. "Let's just test to make sure. Hobbes say something,"

"Something," Hobbes said.

"Socrates, say something else."

"OK," Socrates grinned.

"It's fixed," Calvin said, simply. "Now that everything's nice and happy, we just have to get out of this stupid tree."

There was a pause as they looked around the giant tree branch they were sitting on. It was about fifty feet from the ground. They all stared down at it for a long moment as they tried to plot their way downward.

"You know what just occurred to me?" Hobbes said, suddenly, looking up.

"Yes?" Calvin asked.

"Why didn't we just use the cardboard box to fly us at whatever altitude we needed to be at?"

Silence filled the land.

Calvin and Socrates' expressions blanked out as they thought about this fact.

Finally, Calvin looked back up.

"Shut up," he grumbled, turning away.

It was going to be a longer day than he'd thought.

**The End**

* * *

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Norman Lovett: **MTM

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Bill Murray: **Dad

**Robert Klein: **Klein

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie

**Elizabeth Daily: **Moe

**Mary Jo Catlett: **Miss Wormwood

**Tom Kenny: **Mr Spittle


	3. Dubai

**Author's Note: **_I'm not entirely certain what inspired this story (partly because it was written three years ago), but this is really just a fun romp through one of the most fascinating places on the planet. You'll learn more about it as we go. Enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Dubai**

It was yet another typical day at the Andy and Sherman household.

Andy sat down at his couch in the living room with a half eaten pop tart in his mouth as he switched on his video game console and grabbed his controller.

Just as he was setting the game up, Sherman walked in wearing his lab coat. "Andy," Sherman said, nodding to him.

"Shermie," Andy said, nodding back.

Sherman walked over to the couch and jumped up, climbing up beside Andy. He looked over at him.

"I see you've had your breakfast," he noted.

"Mmm," Andy replied, taking another bite from the pop tart.

"But why would you eat a pop tart?" he said in a bland voice. "It's so boring and brings no adventure to the morning activities."

"I know, right?" Andy said, also in an emotionless tone. "I'd much rather have the exciting taste and aroma of a toaster strudel."

There was a moment of silence. Sherman sighed. "Oh boy-o."

"Yep," Andy nodded. He finished the pop tart and began scrolling through the options of the console. "So what's up?" he said, turning to the hamster.

"Just waiting for a phone call," Sherman said. "I'm working on some experiments but I can't continue them until I get more funding from the university,"

There was a moment of silence.

Andy blinked several times, before looking down at the hamster.

"What?" Sherman asked.

"You have funding?"

Sherman rolled his eyes. "For those not paying attention, yes," he grumbled. "I shouldn't need too much more to be able continue for another six months or so. I've been hitting a rather low point with my experimenting, as of late."

"Really, how come?"

"Mostly because people keep bothering me and telling me I need to go on life changing adventures with them to save the world," Sherman said, raising an eyebrow.

At that moment, a small jingle starting playing out of Sherman's lab coat pocket.

"Ah, that would be for me," The hamster said, pulling out a tiny cell phone and flipping it open. "Hello? Speaking. Yes... Of course... yeah... Oh...OK."

Andy looked over at the hamster.

"No, I shouldn't need anything else. Mm-hmm, thank you. You have a nice day, too." He growled and flipped the phone shut.

"What's the matter?" Andy said, turning back to the game.

"The university is going through a tough time right now, financially." Sherman grumbled putting the cell phone away. "They haven't really fully recovered from the recession, yet."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I don't get my funding."

"Ahh, well, that's just not good."

"No, it's not, because now I have to resort to plan B."

"What's that?"

The tiny hamster jumped off of the couch and started towards the door. "I need to get a loan from the bank," he said.

Andy stared at him as he walked to the door. "Hold on a second, Shermie," he said, putting the controller down.

Sherman sighed. "What now?" he grumbled.

"You aren't just going to go to the bank and ask for a loan, you need to have someone with you," Andy said, standing up.

"Why?" Sherman demanded.

Andy stared at Sherman for a long moment. "I'm afraid I have a hard time answering that question, Sherman," he admitted.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Look, at least take Calvin with you, I'd feel a bit better about you walking through the city with him," There was a pause. "Well, actually..."

"Fine, I'll bring Calvin with me," Sherman grumbled. "Maybe I'll teach the young man something today."

* * *

Later on, a couple of teenager boys were strolling down the sidewalk. They were wearing overly baggy clothes and both had baseball caps on backwards or sideways.

"I asked Julia out, yesterday," The first one said.

"Dude, no way, what she say?" The second replied.

"She said yes," The first said, simply. "I wanna take her to that new Italian restaurant down the street that just opened up, what's it called?"

"I don't remember," The second said, blankly.

"Huh, well it's on Friday, so I hope it goes well,"

"Yeah, good luck with that, dude,"

At that moment, the two spotted a small six year old boy with spiky hair coming towards them, holding a hamster in his hands.

"Yes well, I believe if we were to upgrade the processor to a system capable of handling interdimensional software, we may be able to find a way to link our universe with another without causing any detrimental harm to our universe," Calvin said, rubbing his chin.

"Dude, what are you talking about?" The first teenager asked.

Calvin looked up.

"Oh, I'm discussing the 9th dimension's movement through quantum theorem with my buddy, Sherman, here." He motioned towards the hamster.

The two teens stared at Calvin blankly.

"Whatever, dude." The second said, holding his hands up.

They slouched on by, with their hands in their pockets.

Calvin watched them go. "Dear lord, is that what I have to look forward to when I become a teenager?" He demanded.

"Beats me, I just chose to ignore them," Sherman said.

"Probably the best idea. Alright, where are we going, again?"

"First National Bank, just right around the block, here," Sherman said, pointing ahead.

"I'll just run into the office real quick, and you can wait in the lobby if you want."

Calvin shrugged. "Suits me. You won't be long, right?"

"I shouldn't. These forms don't usually take five minutes to fill out."

They approached the bank.

Sherman jumped off of Calvin's hand, and scurried across the bank floor towards the office door.

"I won't be long," He called, going through the half opened door.

"Righto," Calvin said, saluting him as he disappeared behind it.

He paused for a moment as he stood in the middle of the lobby with his hands behind his back. He watched the people coming and going in the line at the front desk.  
Suddenly, the room began morphing into a red soiled, mountainous scene. All of the people turned into humanoid creatures holding whips and Calvin was now wearing a black mask and a blue and yellow jumpsuit.

_The amazing Spaceman Spiff has been kidnapped by the Zaurcher monarchy of Tefebear-5. In order to avoid being sold into alien slavery, our intrepid hero devises an ingenious plot of escape!_

Calvin darts his eyes back and forth to check and see if anyone was watching. Predictably, no one was. He began inching his way towards the door.

_Our hero begins crawling towards his trusty Death Ray Blaster, which sat several feet away, foolishly left unguarded._

Calvin reaches for a pen that was sitting on the floor.

_He checks again to see if anyone was watching, then makes his move._

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, FREAKBAGS!" Calvin screamed, throwing the pen at one of the people in line as he dove out the door. The pen flew past the person he threw it at and hit the wall. Everyone stared at him as he rushed off. Then, without a word, they all turned back to what they were originally doing.

At that moment, Sherman reemerged from the office. He looked mildly annoyed. He looked around for Calvin.

"Calvin?" He called, looking around.

There was no reply.

The hamster sighed and started out the door to look for him.

* * *

A good hour and a half past before Calvin and Sherman returned to the house.

Andy was still playing his video game when they walked in.

"Salutations," Calvin said.

"Greetings," Andy said, not looking away from the game.

Calvin sat down next to Andy.

"How'd the loan from the bank go?" Andy asked.

"Terrible," Sherman sighed. "We went to at least seven banks within the last hour, and all of them rejected us."

"Really? How come?" Andy said.

"They won't let a hamster fill out the bank form," Calvin supplied.

"Wow, didn't see that one coming. Especially in a town like this."

"What are you going to do, Sherman?" Calvin asked.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I don't think there's anything else I can do,"

"You tried all the banks?" Andy asked.

"Yeah," Sherman said. "Most of them, anyway. They all basically said the same thing,"

"What was that?" Andy asked.

"Kid, you're crazy, get your hamster out of here," Calvin said.

"Ah."

"I don't what I'm going to do," Sherman moaned. "This might be the end."

"What do you mean, the end?" Andy asked, pausing the video game and looking down at his hamster. "Don't talk like that."

"No really," Sherman said. "Unless I get some kind of funding, I might not be able to do any more experimenting or make any more inventions,"

"I make plenty of inventions and I never get money for it," Calvin offered.

"Yeah, how do you actually do that, anyway?" Sherman demanded.

Calvin thought for a moment. "Usually I just decide what I want to make and hope it works out for the best,"

"Yeah, that doesn't work for me," Sherman said, simply.

Calvin thought for a second moment. "Alright, let's look at this from another angle," he said finally. "Suppose there is a bank out there that'll give you a loan, but we just haven't found it, yet. Maybe looking here in this town isn't the best idea."

"OK, do you have any alternatives?"

"Not at the moment, but I'm just speaking hypothetically," Calvin said.

"Continue," Sherman said, rubbing his chin.

"OK, where could we go that would let an animal fill out a bank form?"

Andy and Sherman stared at Calvin with blank expressions.

"No where?" Andy guessed.

"What about Dubai?"

"What about Dubai?" Sherman asked.

"What's Dubai?" Andy asked.

"Dubai's a town just right off the Persian Gulf," Calvin nodded. "I've been looking through a book of all the most fascinating and weird cities in the world."

"Interesting," Andy nodded. "Why?"

"Suggestions for alternatives for camping trips," Calvin said. "I tried to get Dad to take us to the Amazon, but he's afraid he'll get eaten by a python."

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"OK, so what exactly are you saying?" Sherman asked.

"We go there and try and get a loan from them," Calvin grinned.

"OK really, Calvin, what makes you think that these people are any different from the ones here?"

"Well, I mean come on!" Calvin said. "This place has everything! An underwater hotel, man made islands, hundreds of great modern architecture, the world's tallest... everything, they even have a cool clock tower that looks like a diamond! Surely these people must be swimming in money. Do you think they'd mind giving a little of it to some American scientist who just happens to be a hamster?"

Sherman paused for a moment.

"Plus it's Saturday and I don't have anything else to do," Calvin admitted.

"Alright I guess we can try," Sherman said. "It's not like we have anything to loose."

"Cool, you want to come, Andy?"

"Sure, why not?" Andy agreed.

"Alright, I'll go get Hobbes and Socrates."

"Do they want to come?" Sherman asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Probably not," Calvin said, walking over to the door. "But they are, anyway."

* * *

"Internal GPS activated," MTM said later on, as everyone sat silently in the box, watching him in Calvin's bedroom. "Coordinates set for the city of Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. Any last words?"

"What do you mean?" Calvin asked, his brow furrowing.

"Before the box leaves the ground, I mean," MTM said. "It's not like this thing has seat belts."

"Oh knock it off," Calvin said. "Let's just go,"

"Not my choice of last words, but whatever floats your boat." MTM said, as the box began to rev up.

Socrates was leaning in the back, looking at a brochure of the city. "Frankly I just can't wait to see the Deira Clock Tower," he said, flipping through the booklet.

"Why?" Andy asked.

"It's cool looking," Socrates nodded.

"Yeah, there's going to be plenty of 'cool looking' stuff in Dubai, Socrates," Calvin said. "That's just one of them."

"Yeah, but have you actually seen it?" Socrates asked, as the box flew out the window.

"Yeah, it's a clock tower," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

"It's a clock tower that's made out of white spiky things and there's a fountain underneath it!"

"Not your best description, Socrates," Hobbes said.

"Frankly, it's the only reason I'm coming," Socrates sniffed. "Cool looking clock towers have been my thing for years."

"Yeah, you said the same thing about sandwich shops last week," Sherman sighed.

"Basically the same thing, nerd boy," Socrates grinned, patting Sherman on the head.

Sherman glared at him.

"I'm actually looking forward to seeing the Burj Khalifa," Calvin said, as he began steering the box upwards.

"What's that?" Hobbes asked.

"Tallest building in the world," Calvin nodded. "I'm gonna climb it."

Socrates rolled his eyes. "It's no clock tower," He muttered.

"Shut up, Socrates," Andy sighed.

* * *

About an hour passed as they soared through the air towards the Persian Gulf.

Most of the trip was silent, and was only cut in by MTM's occasional beeps and hums, until he finally spoke.

"We are now approaching the city of Dubai," He said. "Please keep your hands and legs in the box until we come to a safe landing."

Calvin looked over the side of the box. "Oh, that is some good stuff," he nodded.

The city was directly below them and was already a sight to behold. There were several tall buildings of modern architecture that seemed to brighten the city up with all the reflective glass.

"Very nice," Andy nodded. "Where are we landing?"

"Somewhere inconspicuous," MTM said. "We don't want too many people to know we're here."

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

"Most of my Facebook fans and Twitter followers are here and I don't want to sign any autographs," MTM said.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

There was a moment of silence as they continued flying forward, finally, they found a small-enclosed alleyway and lowered the box to park it.

"Alright then," Calvin grinned, stepping out. "Now all we need to do is find a bank."

"Yeah, that'll be interesting," Sherman said, jumping into Andy's pocket.

The group walked out of the alley and looked around.

The sight was very breathtaking. The architecture was simply stunning and all the buildings were several stories high.

Calvin grinned. "Wow, what an amazing place!" he said, putting his hands on his hips.

"I'm hot!" Socrates suddenly complained.

"Yeah, that'll happen," Andy said.

"Yeah really, why is it so hot, here?" Hobbes asked.

"It's the Arabian Peninsula, guys," Sherman said. "It gets over 100 degrees, here."

"Well, that's stupid," Socrates said, wiping some sweat from his brow.

"No it's not, its called nature," Andy said.

"Not that, I mean I can't see my clock tower from here."

Everyone sighed.

"Oh come on," Socrates said. "I could be one of those guys that constantly obsesses over one thing for his whole life. At least I change my obsessions once a week."

"Yeah, I don't really know which I would prefer," Calvin sighed.

The group wandered into the city. They watched the cars roaring past on the roads, and observed the people walking around on the sidewalks. Some were wearing turbans, and others were wearing normal clothes. Many wore sunglasses.

They stared up and marveled at the buildings. "Man," Andy whispered, awestruck. "It's… I can't think of the words for it. This is incredible."

"Indeed," Sherman agreed. "Dubai is a prime example of the wonders and beauties of modern architecture."

"And it's _hot_!" Hobbes complained.

"And us in our heaviest coats," Socrates sighed, wiping his furry forehead.

Calvin sighed. "Okay, you big babies," he said. "Let's acclimatize." He reached into his hypercube and pulled out some turbans. "Here. Put these on. They'll keep the heat off of you."

Socrates eagerly grabbed one first. "Ooh! Swank!"

Everyone put a turban on, and they all felt a bit better. There was even a tiny one for Sherman's minute noggin.

"I guess we blend in pretty well now," Andy said.

"Yep, no one will notice two kids, two tigers and a hamster all wearing turbans in downtown Dubai," Sherman sighed. "Now come on. I need to find a bank."

"Well, let's see about that," Calvin said, pulling MTM out of his pocket. "MTM, we need the location of the nearest bank. Can you help them out?"

"Sure thing. I can pinpoint about five banks in the vicinity," MTM replied.

"Good. Print out the directions for them."

As MTM proceeded to print out the necessary maps and directions, Andy realized what Calvin had said.

"Wait, you're not coming with us?" he asked.

"What, you think I came all this way to stand in line in another crummy bank? Get real, Andy! I plan to see the sights! I plan to go to the very top of the Burj Khalifa!"

"You're not going to drop a penny off of it, are you?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, Hobbes, don't be so depraved! A penny's obsolete! It's worthless! It's a quarter or nothing for me!"

Hobbes sighed. "Well, I better come with you. Lord only knows what trouble you'll get into on your own."

"And I'll come too," Socrates added, "but only if we can see my clock tower on the way."

Calvin waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, Socrates, we'll stop and see 'your' clock tower."

"Great! Let's go!"

Calvin shoved the papers into Andy's hands. "There you go. Happy banking!"

Andy rolled his eyes. "Come on, Shermie. Let's get this over with."

"Yes, let's," Sherman said, going over the readouts. "Let's see… That way," he said, pointing.

Andy sighed and walked off down the sidewalk.

"Now then," Calvin said, "let's have a gander at this wondrous city!"

* * *

Andy and Sherman located the first bank on the list. They paused before going inside.

"Okay, how do you want to do this?" Andy asked.

"Well, we'll go inside. I'll ask for a loan. They'll give me paperwork. I'll fill it out. We leave," Sherman said.

"Okay… What kind of loan are you getting again?"

"Scientific research loan."

"Okay… That's a real thing, right? A scientific research loan?"

"I hope so. That's what I'm going to say."

"Alright, let's give that a shot."

They walked into the bank, which towered high above them. They walked through the giant glass doors, not noticing the giant sign over the top.

BANK of

MOHAMMED BIN RASHID AL MAKTOUM

_and SONS!_

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared up at the Dubai Metro, a monorail train that rocketed in and out of a terminal high above them. The sleek shiny cars glistened in the sun as they went by.

"It's the Dubai Metro," MTM said. "It's a driverless, fully-functional metro network. It has one complete line, one under construction and three still in proposals. It's only been operational for a couple of years, since the Red Line opened."

"Shiny," Socrates said, staring in wonder.

"That's a word for it," Hobbes said with a slight nod.

"What do you say, MTM? Can you get us on board?" Calvin asked.

"I think I just about manage to get you on board. How far do we need to go?" MTM replied smoothly.

"Take us wherever there's something cool to see!"

"Oh… Well, we could just walk around a bit…"

"Come on, let's go!"

They headed for the station.

* * *

A little while later, they were zooming up the Red Line, seated on a very nice bench seat. There was blue and white tiled flooring, poles along the middle for people standing up, and televisions showing the local news station hanging from the ceiling.

"So this whole thing has no driver?" Hobbes asked. "What's controlling it?"

Calvin was looking at a brochure that he'd grabbed when they got on board. "It says here that it's all operated from the control center in Jebel Ali."

"Look at all of this city!" Socrates exclaimed, looking out one of the large rectangular windows.

Calvin and Hobbes glanced over their shoulders at the bits of Dubai rushing past them.

"Wow, what a beauty," Calvin grinned. "All those buildings! All those fountains! All those windows!"

"All those cranes," Hobbes added. "Man, I've never _seen _so many tower cranes in one place at one time! How long does it usually take to build these things?"

"Well, the Burj Khalifa took six years to build, so, construction delays not withstanding, everything else would be slightly less than that."

"Gosh, I wonder how the taxpayers feel about what this city is doing with their pedro dollars."

"So where do you chaps want to get off then?" MTM asked.

"Not sure. What's the best place to stop?" Calvin asked.

"Well, we could get off right at the Burj Khalifa if you like. It has its own station on the Red Line."

Calvin stared. "What? You mean we could get off _right at _the building?"

"Inside, actually. The station is inside the Dubai Mall."

"Sweet simmery bacon bits," Socrates breathed. "What a building! It's still no _clock tower_, but it sounds wonderful in its own right."

"Enough with the clock tower please," Hobbes sighed.

"Hey! Don't diss my clock tower!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Andy and Sherman were trying another bank.

"Okay," Andy said, glancing at the hamster on his shoulder. "Maybe we need to try a different tactic. Just going in like a normal customer isn't working."

"Alright, how would _you_ recommend I do this?" Sherman demanded.

"Well, for a start, maybe I should do the talking for you. They speak English in there, right?"

"Some of them do."

"Good. I can handle that for you. You just tell me what needs to be done and I'll do it."

Sherman thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt. Trouble is, you're eight years old. I'm not sure we can pass you off as a believable person who requires a grant in the name of science."

"Hey, there are plenty of kid geniuses out there. I could pass myself off as one of them. What's that experiment you wanted to get funding for, anyway?"

"I'm trying to construct a new sort of a particle accelerator that deconstructs your molecular particles, transmits you across a distance and then reassembles you in a new location."

"Okay, I think I can fake that."

"It requires a photon-channeling device and a few lines of neon-breaker cables to jumpstart the molecular stabilizer to ensure that when operated the device will be safe for human use."

"Er…yeah, I think I've got the nuances…"

"It will also require a new tachyon feedback loop-circuit board to keep the two focal points of materialization relative within the field margin."

Andy stared at him. "Uh-huh…," he said slowly. "And…we can't just get these things at Best Buy?"

"Andy…"

"Relax, relax. You can just whisper these things in my ear. No problem."

"How are you going to explain that a hamster is whispering in your ear the whole time?"

"…Er… I'm your ventriloquist dummy?"

Sherman exhaled irritably and looked away in disgust.

"Oh, come on! You're the super genius! Give me something to work with!"

* * *

The Dubai Metro came to a gentle stop within a large curved gold-colored station. As soon as the doors slid open, hundreds of people began the process of getting on and getting off, either eager to escape, or eager to get a good seat.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates struggled and pushed and shoved their way through the living sea of people, hoping to find a way out of the pack. Then Calvin spotted a bench that looked ideal. With the crowd not really getting easier to maneuver within, he grabbed Hobbes' paw and pulled him over towards it, Socrates right behind them.

The three thudded down on the bench and watched the people swarm by, heading for the escalators.

"So this is it?" Calvin asked. "The Burj Khalifa is right up those stairs?"

"Yep," MTM said. "All one hundred and sixty of them."

"This thing must be built with some strong material," Hobbes said, looking up at the ceiling confidently. "If all that hasn't come crashing down through the ceiling yet, I'd say it's sturdy."

"Yep. This old girl is the tallest man-made structure in the world for a reason."

Socrates chuckled. "Do you think Dubai is compensating for something?" he asked, nudging Hobbes' side with his elbow.

Calvin and Hobbes stared. "What do you mean?" Calvin asked.

"You know! Maybe Dubai doesn't feel so confident about a certain something, so it's built all this ridiculous stuff to make up for it!"

"Like what?" Hobbes asked.

Socrates stared at them for a long time. "Do you guys get out _at all_?"

Calvin glared. "So where do _you_ go to gain such knowledge?"

"Wouldn't _you _like to know?"

Hobbes cleared his throat. "Okay, MTM, what can we expect from the Burj Khalifa? What does it have within its hopefully sturdy walls?"

"Well," MTM began, "from the ground floor to the thirty-ninth, we'll find the Armani Hotels, Suites and Residencies."

"Do you think they'll let us in?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Calvin asked, hopping down from the bench. "After all, my parents are super-wealthy aristocrats who wish to educate me by sending me all over the world so that I can appreciate it fully and wholly, and the latest stop on my journey is the Armani Hotel within the Burj Khalifa!"

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him incredulously.

"But… but you're _not,"_ Socrates said slowly.

Calvin glared at him. "If you could just about pull your brain out of your nether regions for a mere fraction of a second, then perhaps you'd realize how I've just come up with a brilliant plan!"

"But how are we going to _implement _this brilliant plan?" Hobbes asked. "Where are you going to get proof that your parents sent us here?"

"Won't need to. Odds are they won't notice us at all."

"Then why do we need to pass you off as a rich kid on the road?"

"Because we need a cover story in case we get caught!"

"How can we get caught if we're not going to be noticed?"

"Look, I can't guarantee anything! There's every chance we're going to be caught, but odds are they aren't going to notice us! Now for crying out loud, can we go see the dang building?!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and jumped down from the bench. "Come on, guys," he sighed. "Let's get this upward trek over with."

Socrates got off the bench and followed them towards the escalator. "Just making sure you've all remembered this: are we going to see my –?"

"We'll see the dang clock tower, Socrates! After we're done here, we'll see the dang clock tower!" Calvin yelled.

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Just wanted to be clear," Socrates said at last.

Grumbling, Calvin got on the escalator, and the two tigers followed after him.

* * *

A few minutes later, they arrived in the lobby of the Burj Khalifa Armani Hotel. For a place where people simply walk up to a desk to fill out a sheet of paper, they had certainly gone all out.

The floor was a gray color, looking like a fake hardwood floor that reflected the light from the regular bulbs from high above in the ceiling. There was a typical check-in desk, but there was also an oval-shaped lounge area made of two long curved benches that were about fifty feet long each, and they were adorned with coffee tables, lamps and various pointless knickknacks.

But what stood out the most were the huge long bronze poles that curved up from the floor and met together in a mesh above them.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates looked around in awe.

"Wow…," Socrates breathed. "They sure go all out on this useless stuff!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's have a look around here. Let's find a way to the top floor."

"Well, if you insist on taking the long way, there should be an elevator somewhere around here," MTM said.

"Ride an elevator to the top of a one hundred and sixty story high building?" Hobbes asked disparagingly.

"Not to worry. This place also has the world's fastest elevators. They can go up to forty miles per hour."

"No kidding?" Socrates asked. "That's faster than most senior citizens can drive a car!"

They saw a pair of reflective doors in the wall a short ways away. They headed over towards it and pressed the button. They waited for a few seconds for it to arrive.

"It sure is taking its time," Calvin said, tapping his foot.

"It's a tall building, Calvin," Hobbes sighed. "Of course it's taking its time."

Then they heard a faint "ding" come from the doors, and they waited for them to open.

When they did, they stared at what was inside.

It was dark, for a start. It was just a dark room that was only lit slightly by the lights on the walls. There seemed to be screens lining the walls as well, and some music could be heard from somewhere inside.

Shrugging, Calvin walked in first. Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances before following after him.

"I never thought I'd say this, but this is probably the most interesting elevator I've ever been in," Hobbes said.

Then the doors slid shut behind them, throwing them in complete darkness.

"How do we select a floor?" Calvin demanded.

"Shouldn't there be some buttons around here?" Hobbes asked, feeling the walls.

They searched out the small compartment feverishly, and then they saw, lit up on the wall, a set of numbered buttons.

"Which floor do we want?" Socrates asked.

Calvin stared at the numbers. "This only goes up to one hundred and twenty four," he complained. "I wanted to go to the very top!"

"Well, let's take what we can," Hobbes said. "Select 124."

"But we don't know how long this will take!" Socrates objected. "What if we're in here for hours?! I'll _never _see my clock tower in time!"

"I love how you keep saying it's _your _clock tower," Calvin said.

"Actually," MTM interjected, "if this elevator goes at forty miles per hour, we should, realistically, be to the one hundred and twenty-fourth floor within one minute."

Socrates stared. "Oh…"

Calvin glared in the dark. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure…"

Hobbes reached up and pressed the appropriate button.

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Nothing's _hap-pen-ing_!" Socrates sing-songed in annoyance.

"Give her a moment to warm up," MTM replied.

And then lots of weird things happened at once.

For a start, the blank screens on the walls lit up. And due to the reflective walls, it looked like there were more than there were. Then there was a sort of Indian music playing through the speakers. Then a voice started speaking in Spanish (maybe, they weren't sure), giving out a spiel probably about safety within the elevator.

The screens were showing images of clouds rolling through a blue sky, and then they were showing underwater life swimming by, and they alternated between the two.

There were rows of lights on the walls as well. They were collective little dots that were going slowly down the walls, indicating that the elevator was in motion.

The trio stared at this display with growing tension.

"Am I freaking out?" Calvin asked nervously. "Hobbes, tell me you can see it too!"

"I can see it," Socrates said.

"Of course _you _can see it! You're insane to begin with! Hobbes, as a voice of reason, please tell me you can see it!"

"Relax, I can see it too," Hobbes said, watching the displays in wonder.

Calvin stood anxiously for a few seconds, feeling the elevator move upwards.

"You know what? You could just be insane with fear for all I know. MTM, as a machine, _tell me this is happening!_"

"Yes, Calvin, this is really happening," MTM said with a disparaging sigh.

"Oh." Calvin considered this. "Cool."

Now the rows of lights were coming down faster, and now multiple rows were coming down, blending with each other, and passing through one another. The music got more bizarre. The screens took on the images of fire and smoke floating by.

The group huddled together in the middle of the compartment, hoping they'd come out of this alive.

And then, suddenly, the music climaxed, and then it ceased. The lights stopped flashing. Everything just stopped.

They stood there, wondering what would happen.

And then…

The doors slid open and revealed an observatory with huge glass windows and guardrails.

They stared out, blinking as their eyes adjusted to the new light.

"See?" MTM spoke up. "What'd I tell you? One minute from the ground to here."

They glared at the CD player contemptuously.

"Come on, let's go check out the view," Calvin said, heading out.

The three of them walked out and saw groups of lumpy, pale-faced tourists all wearing tacky clothes as they took pictures from their mobile phones.

"Great," Socrates grumbled. "In order to look out the windows, we have to get around this great big moving pile of cholesterol and polyester."

But then Calvin spotted a clear section of the observatory. A free section of window loomed over them, just for them, with a nice guardrail going all the way around it.

"Come on, over here!" he said, hurrying over.

They ran past the people and made it to the guardrail. They peered out the window and stared down at the city in the afternoon glow.

"Wow…," Hobbes breathed.

"It's so…_big _and stuff," Socrates added.

Calvin climbed up on the guardrail. "Come on. This is really cool. Do this." And he leaned his head against the glass.

"Oh, jeez," Hobbes muttered, but he proceeded anyway, feeling his furry head come in contact with the glass.

Socrates followed in suit. "Whoa…," he said, looking out over the city below them.

"Look at all those people," Hobbes said. "Yakking on cell phones, trying to be somewhere on time… And yet when we remove ourselves from it all, it all seems so inconsequential."

"Yeah," Calvin said. "I wish I could hock a loogy on them from here."

They watched the crowds go by for several seconds, just mesmerized by it all.

"The city looks so peaceful from up here," Hobbes whispered.

"Anything can look peaceful when you're one hundred and twenty-four floors above it," Calvin replied.

Socrates squinted down at the crowd. "I think I can see Elliot's dad," he said, almost lost in the moment.

Calvin and Hobbes ignored him and just enjoyed.

* * *

Several minutes later, they were seated on a bench in the observatory.

"So what all is in this building anyway?" Socrates asked.

"Well, from the ground to the thirty-ninth floor, we have the Armani hotels and residencies. Then there are some mechanical floors, then forty-third floor is a Sky Lobby, then forty-four through seventy-two is more residencies, non-Armani, then more mechanical floors, then another Sky Lobby on floor seventy-six, then more residential from seventy-seven to one hundred and eight, then some more mechanical floors, then the corporate suites from one hundred eleven to one hundred twenty-one, then the restaurant on 122, then another Sky Lobby, and we're on the _At the Top Observatory_, then 125 to 135 are more corporate suites, then some mechanicals, then 139 to 154 are corporate suites, then another mechanical floor, then communication and broadcast on 156 through 159, and 160 and above are mechanical," MTM said.

"Man," Hobbes said. "You'd think they'd have run out of ideas after the restaurant."

Calvin looked at his watch for a few seconds before he remembered they were in a completely different time zone, and then looked out at the setting sun.

"It's getting late," he said. "What do you guys want to do now?"

"Well, I have _one _idea…," Socrates began.

"Socrates, we'll get to your lousy clock tower when we get to it. There are so many _other _places we could go in this great city! This building is merely the tip of the iceberg! Let's have a look around!"

"Like where?"

* * *

A ride on the Dubai Metro later, and the three of them stumbled through the crowds into a new station.

"What's this place called again?" Hobbes asked.

"The Khalid bin Al Waleed Station," MTM supplied.

The station was much different from the last one. This one had a blue and yellow theme. Refelctive blue pillars lined the yellow tiled floor.

"Let's see what's around," Calvin said eagerly.

Just ahead were some escalators. They ran on and rode them to the top. When they got there, they gasped at what they saw.

"Whoa…," they said simultaneously.

The escalators had taken them to the most beautiful interior they had ever seen.

"The stations all have themes," MTM supplied. "Earth, fire, water and air."

"Which one is this?" Socrates asked.

They took the place in. It was very blue, for a start. The escalators continued to climb up into the building, cut off halfway by a circular thing that stretched out around them. The most outstanding feature was probably the large chandeliers that dangled over them as they came up. They were giving off some sort of strange white light.

Calvin stared at the scene in awe.

"I'm guessing it's supposed to be water," he said.

"Ah-ha!" Socrates said. "That would explain why I suddenly have to go to the bathroom. Come on, let's find a restroom, and then we can get going!"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes, but they followed him nevertheless.

* * *

Andy and Sherman, meanwhile, were riding on the Dubai waterways between Deira and Bur Dubai, along the Dubai Creek. They were riding in an abra, a simple boat made of wood that was probably big enough for twenty people, but they were the only ones on it right now, along with a small family that they'd decided to politely ignore for now.

They sat together on the bench seat in the center of the boat under a shade, staring out at the water in quiet contemplation.

Andy glanced at Sherman, who was sitting on the bench in silence. He hadn't said a word since they'd left the last bank. He struggled to think up a decent conversation.

"You know," he said at last, "I hear that they're planning to upgrade these abras to solar energy. Cool, right?"

Sherman didn't say anything.

"… It's cool, right? I mean – solar energy! Imagine being able to zoom across the water on a warm clear day!"

Still nothing.

"… Of course, those are the only days you _could _go. I mean, a nice but cloudy day would put these people out of business. Clouds play heck with solar panels, I've heard."

Still nothing.

"Oh, come on, Shermie, everything's going to be alright. You'll get your funding."

Sherman sighed at last. "I hope so. Science is my life! My experiments are what keep me going when life gets tough!"

"Hey, I hear ya. We all need our little escapes. I mean, the likelihood of any of us dating at some point in the future is highly iffy."

"Mmm… I just wish these banks would give me a decent reason for not giving me a loan. Something other than, 'good lord, you're a talking hamster, get my shotgun, Martha.'"

"Meh, some people can't take it," Andy said with a shrug.

"We only have one place left on the map. I only hope they'll be understanding."

"We'll find out soon enough. The shoreline is coming up."

"Good."

"… You know, maybe it'd help if you wore clothes."

"I don't think they make Armani suits in my size, Andy."

"Maybe we can swipe something off some kid's Ken doll. Never know."

"I don't see how I'd wear the pants…"

* * *

A while later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were on a balcony at the Palace Hotel. They were overlooking one of the waterways, which was lined with various other buildings that looked orange in the setting sun, with several sidewalks and bridges going around and over it. Off in the distance, they could see the headlights of various cars and various buses going past on the highway a few miles away, but what was most impressive was the Burj Khalifa looming over them, stretching high into the sky.

"Look at that building, Hobbes," Calvin sighed. "Isn't it amazing? We were _in _that building just a few hours ago, looking down in this direction at this very spot."

"Yeah, its something, isn't it?" Hobbes said with a tired nod.

They were both reclining on a pair of beach chairs, enjoying watching the sky changing colors as the sun vanished in some direction.

"Do you think the people using this room will mind that we snuck in without them asking?" Calvin asked.

"I don't think that will bother them as much as the fact that Socrates is raiding their mini-fridge. This trip is going to cost them a little."

"Hmmm…"

At that moment, Socrates walked up. "Guys, guess what I just did!"

Calvin stared at him. "Well, I haven't hated myself today. I'll bite. Socrates? What did you do?"

"I just ate a three hundred dollar packet of cashews! Awesome, right?"

"They use dollars over here?" Hobbes asked.

"Probably not. It said three hundred on the package. Whatever. What are we looking at?"

"Just the view," Calvin sighed. "It's really nice."

Socrates glanced over the railing of the balcony and looked at the view. "Yeah, pretty. Okay, we've officially rested for twenty minutes. Can we go to the clock tower now?"

"Give it a minute, Socrates. We're going to wait for Andy and Sherman to call us first, letting us know they're ready to be picked up."

"They'd better hurry," Hobbes said. "It's probably almost your bedtime back in our home time zone."

Calvin checked his watch. "Haven't got a clue. Hey, MTM, what time is it back at home?"

MTM was sitting atop a glass table under a giant umbrella. "Hmmm?" he asked, apparently pulled out of his doldrums. "Oh, it's probably almost six back at home."

"Won't your parents expect you home for supper?" Socrates asked.

"Nahh, I left a message saying that Andy invited me over to his place. Mom's probably relieved she doesn't have to clean the carpets again tonight," Calvin said, settling back into his chair.

They all stared out at the view some more.

"Interesting city, Dubai," Hobbes remarked quietly. "They've got the tallest building, the tallest hotel, the biggest mall, an underwater hotel, and they're building entire chains of islands. Why are they doing all this? Are they trying to prove something?"

Socrates snorted a laugh out his nose, but said nothing.

MTM spoke up again. "Well, they're a tiny desert nation with only six percent oil reserves. When they looked at their future, they probably realized they could only do _one thing _to provide a stable future."

"Turn their entire nation into Vegas?" Hobbes asked.

_**BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP!**_

Three heads swiveled over towards the MTM, who was now beeping.

"What's that?" Socrates asked.

"Phone call from Andy coming through," MTM announced. "You want to get this, Calvin?"

"Yeah, I'm coming."

Calvin got up and approached MTM's table, climbing up into a chair and pressing a button on the CD player, causing the top to pop open, and he spoke into it.

"Hello?"

"Calvin, it's Andy."

"No kidding. What's up?"

"We finished with the banks. We're ready to meet up with you guys again."

"Okay, hang on. I'll teleport you over to where we are."

"Check."

Calvin shut the MTM's lid and pressed another button. "Okay, MTM, incoming."

"Roger."

There was a brief pause, and then…

_**BRZAP!**_

In a flash of blue, Andy and Sherman materialized on the balcony. They looked disoriented for a moment before they gathered their senses and realized where they were.

"Oh, wow, I think I preferred riding the abra," Andy muttered, dizzily setting Sherman down on the table with the MTM. Then he looked over his shoulder and saw the view. "Oh, that is _beautiful_," he said, taking a few quick snaps with his phone.

"So how'd it go with the bank?" Calvin asked, looking at Sherman.

"Take a guess," Sherman grumbled.

"No loan?"

"No loan," Andy sighed.

"Ohh, that's a shame…," Hobbes sighed, quietly nodding off.

Sherman glared at him and sat down in a huff.

"What happened exactly?" Socrates asked.

"Six different banks we went to!" Sherman said irritably. "Each of them had the same reason!"

"What reason is that?" Calvin asked.

"He's a hamster," Andy filled in, not looking up from his phone-photos.

"I'm a hamster!" Sherman grumbled.

"I see… Well, there are worse reasons. At least this one was slightly more rational."

"All but the last one, anyway…"

"What happened at the last one?"

"Well, I finally managed to find someone who didn't mind that I was a hamster, but he still wouldn't give me a loan."

"Why not?"

"The meltdown didn't just affect us in the USA. Even Dubai had to borrow billions from Abu Dhabi in 2009. It's a global crisis. Funds are drying up. In fact, the guy I talked to said everyone in that bank had been worried for several months that they'd all be working in a fish market by now."

Calvin looked confused. "How can Dubai have monetary problems? Look at that building over there! That's a quality building! Their elevators were like something out of the Rocky Horror Show!"

"It makes the Eiffel Tower look like a zit," Andy added, still looking at the view.

"It was delayed by about a year," Sherman said with a shrug.

Calvin stared. "Oh…," he said slowly. "So…you can't get the money for your funding?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Sherman sighed.

Hobbes looked up. "Have we already asked where he got funding?" he asked.

"Yeah, we tied that one up early on," Andy assured him.

"Oh, okay, good."

Sherman sighed disappointedly. "I suppose there's no other reason to remain here," he said. "We should head home now."

Calvin stared at him, but nodded quietly. "Yeah, alright, maybe it _is_ time to go home."

"I don't see how we can," Andy said. "After this place and all its wonders, going back to suburbia is going to be boring as heck."

"Ehh, we've been to an alien planet and back. I think we'll be all right leaving one city behind. Besides, I haven't seen a single Looney Tune since we've been here. I need my Saturday morning cartoons if I'm going to stay in one place for more than a day."

"True, true," Hobbes said.

"Come on, guys, let's get out of here. MTM, teleport us back to the box."

"Wait!" Socrates objected. "We didn't see my clock tower yet!"

"Socrates, do you even remember what that clock tower is called?" Hobbes asked tiredly.

"Huh?"

"Well, you haven't referred to it by name since we got here. You just call it _your _clock tower. Do you even remember what it's called?"

Socrates' eyes blanked out as he struggled to remember. "Er…"

"Yeah, Socrates," Calvin said, raising an eyebrow. "Do you remember the name of the _Deira Clock Tower_?"

Socrates continued to think, not realizing Calvin had just said the name himself. "Oh, ahh… It's on the tip of my tongue… It'll come to me, hang on… Er…"

"Come on, let's go back to the box. We'll try to catch the clock tower on the way home."

"Yeah, alright," Sherman said.

"Taking us back to the box!" MTM announced.

Everyone gathered around the MTM, who began to hum with power, preparing to take them all back to the alleyway.

"Does it start with a 'G'?" Socrates asked timidly.

Everyone glared at him as the world turned blue.

* * *

A few minutes later, the box was soaring through the air over Dubai.

"Sorry you didn't get your funding, Shermie," Andy said sympathetically.

"Ahh, don't worry about it," Sherman said, waving him off. "I'll figure something out."

Hobbes peered over the edge of the box at the buildings below them. "Are you sure this is the right way home?" he asked Calvin.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm just taking the scenic route."

"Calvin, this is Dubai," Andy said. "Each direction _is _the scenic route."

"Then I'm taking the _super _scenic route!"

Andy stared at him before settling back into his spot. "Yes, of course, the _super _scenic route. How silly of me."

"Look!" Socrates said, pointing over the edge. "There's the Dubai Metro again!"

Calvin looked down and saw the monorail racing along the track below them. Grinning excitedly, he flew in low. Everyone held onto their stomachs as they descended suddenly.

"Woooo!" Calvin cheered.

They flew alongside the Metro, slowly catching up with it until they were running right alongside it, matching its speed.

Socrates waved cheerfully to the stunned passengers inside the train until they came to the Dubai Creek again.

Calvin swerved suddenly, and everyone held on as they went flying down over the water, flying along it, and at one point, the box rebounded off one of the abras, causing to wobble back and forth in the water, startling it's passengers.

"Ohh, why do I have a feeling we're going to be on the news tonight?" Andy sighed.

"I can't wait to see the grainy security camera footage," Socrates said with a grin.

And then they saw the Burj Khalifa looming ahead.

"You know," Calvin remarked. "We never got to the top floor of that thing."

"Oh god…," Hobbes mumbled.

"Oh, lighten up, Hobbes! Up, up and away!"

And they roared ahead like lightning, zooming like a speeding bullet up the side of the building. They spiraled and looped around it, racing higher and higher, the tip of the building getting closer and closer.

"Getting too high… Getting too high," Hobbes whispered quietly.

"Nearly there!" Calvin cheered.

Everyone held on nervously as they went higher and higher, clutching the sides of the box desperately.

"It's not the going up part that bothers me," Sherman said nervously. "It's the sudden drop downward that really curdles my milk."

And then they were there.

Calvin leveled the box at the very top of the building, looking at the tip of it with wonder. "Look at us!" he cheered. "We are now 2,717 feet in the air! One of the highest points on this planet! Isn't this amazing?"

"Yeah… Amazing," Hobbes said, timidly peeking out over the edge. "Can we get out of here now?"

"Oh, Hobbes, look around! Isn't it wonderful to be this far removed from civilization? To be so far away from people! Just imagine if we could stay up here forever! We could life a life free of hurt and anguish. No more rules! No more worries! If we could just stay this high forever, we'd be at true peace in a way those who walk the earth can only dream of."

"Yeah… Until we fall."

Calvin glared at Hobbes. "You have no since of beauty in nature and poetry, have you?"

"I do too! I just left it somewhere around the sixtieth floor."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, I can take a hint. Let's go home."

Fortunately, instead of just a flat-out nosedive to the ground, Calvin flew straight ahead and made a slow and steady descent as they headed back towards the states.

But then Socrates saw something over the edge.

Down below, in the darkness but lit up by special lights, was the Deira Clock Tower. It stood there, in the middle of the town. It was a set of four crisscrossing pillars that wrapped around a boxy-looking clock in the center. Right in the middle, underneath it all was a nice-looking fountain that spewed water up into the air.

Grinning down at it, Socrates settled back into his spot, satisfied.

And they headed for home.

* * *

The next day, Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in their backyard, playing in their sandbox. They were working on making a sand city, and they were trying to recreate the Burj Khalifa in sand. It towered over their other buildings.

Around noon, Andy arrived with Sherman on his shoulder.

"Hey, guys, check it out!" Calvin said excitedly. "Dubai in our own backyard!"

"Not bad," Andy said, inspecting the sandcastles.

"What're you guys doing here?" Hobbes asked.

"We have good news about my funding!" Sherman said proudly.

"Ohh… What's that?"

"…I got more funding! What else could I be talking about?!"

"I don't know. You talk a lot…"

Sherman glared at him.

"How'd you get the funding?" Calvin asked.

"I had to call in a few favors, and I didn't get much, but I calculate that I've made enough to last me through until August, and by then the University will be able to give me more proper funding."

Hobbes looked up. "Okay, I have a question about this funding."

"Yes…?"

"Well, you say the University gives you funding, right?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"To continue my scientific research."

"And then what happens?"

"I…I give them the data."

"So wait, the University has been _paying _you good money for these ridiculous experiments of yours?"

"Hey!" Sherman shouted. "My experiments are _not _ridiculous!"

"Oh yeah? What about that time you tried to turn ketchup yellow?"

There was a pause in the conversation.

Sherman glared at Andy. "You _told _them about that?" he hissed.

Andy shrugged helplessly. "It didn't strike me as important."

"Clearly it was, if you had to spend a University's money on it," Hobbes snorted. "How much did you spend on that one?"

"Not much! It…it was a side thing."

"And how about that whole testing if the Bee Gees song _Stayin' Alive _had supernatural powers?"

Sherman glared at Andy again. "Stop telling them about my experiments!"

"What do you want from me? It was a good story!" Andy replied.

"Honestly, you're just wasting money on these things!"

"Hey, that one worked! It makes you dance beyond your own control!"

And from that on, it just descended into an argument between tiger and hamster.

Calvin and Andy watched this for a few moments before looking at each other.

"Want to build a clock tower out of sand?"

"Sure, why not?"

And the two boys set to work in the sand while their respective best friends had it out verbally.

**THE END**

* * *

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy / the Teenagers

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Norman Lovett: **MTM


	4. Lightning Man

**Author's Note:** _This is one of those stories that we had planned for Season 5, but we ended up not. I pitched the idea to Swing, and he seemed to like it, but he never got back to me about actually writing it. Then a few weeks ago, once I'd started posting the Series here, I just decided to start writing and see what happened. I really surprised myself with the direction this story took, and I'm really happy with it, considering it was done in a few days._

_Also, to those who are complaining about there being no notice on Swing's page that the Series is continuing over here, I'm sorry. We did talk about posting a two-part story that would've covered it (half on his page, half on mine), but Swing is incredibly busy, so we didn't. So there._

* * *

**Lightning Man**

It was a nice quiet afternoon in Calvin and Hobbes' neighborhood. It was Friday afternoon, the beginning of the weekend, which ensured that they had nothing whatsoever to do until bedtime on Sunday night when he would be doing all of his homework. Until then, the world was their oyster.

And at that particular moment, with half an hour to go until dinnertime, they were rocketing along Sneer Hill, bucketing along and whooping it up as they took the sharp turns and dodged large boulders.

They blasted straight through a large shrub, pushing branches aside and letting the leaves fly through the air.

Hobbes spit a few out and looked around. "Where are we now?"

"We're heading straight for Death's Chasm!" Calvin replied, without even having to look at his surroundings to make sure.

"Oh. Well then, wouldn't it make sense for us to _not _head straight for Death's Chasm?"

"It would, yes. Hang on tight."

Calvin wrenched the black metal steering handle in a counterclockwise direction, causing the wagon to lurch to the right. Hobbes gripped the dented red sides of their mode of transport as he felt his tail go bushy.

"Okay! Got that done!" Calvin whooped. "Let's see where this trail takes us!"

The wagon clanged and rattled down another hill, trampling along a dirty brown path, bouncing along the pebbles and potholes.

"This looks like the path we took six months ago when we were running away from your dad!" Hobbes yelled over the noise.

"Yeah, I remember now! He was going to drag us off to an art museum to culturize our brains!"

"Why haven't we been down here since?"

"I don't remember!"

They banged and bumped along some more, and the hill grew steeper and steeper. They could feel their innards pressing up against their backs as their velocity increased. Calvin attempted to maintain control over the wagon, but he knew the thing had no brakes, and thus there was really no way for him to stop them before they arrived at what was at the end of the trail.

And then, they saw the cliff at the end.

"Oh, _that's_ why!" Calvin said loudly.

The wagon swerved and swayed as they came closer and closer to the ledge. The end of the trail was slanted upwards like a ski jump, and they went racing straight up into the air. They rode the wagon away from the ground, sailing over the valley that was far below, split in two by a deep river waiting below.

As the wagon fell away from under their rears, Hobbes took in the view. "I think I remember why we don't remember," he remarked.

Calvin could only nod as he let the wagon go so that they would stand a chance of surviving the fall.

As the wagon disappeared from view, they curled into balls and waited.

A few moments later, they hit the river, splashing the water high into the air.

After another few moments, they both broke the surface, gasping for air as they swam toward the land waiting for them nearby. They climbed onto the land and lay down, panting heavily.

"Okay…," Calvin rasped. "I think we know better now…"

"… About what?" Hobbes asked, looking around in confusion. "How'd we get here?"

"… I've forgotten."

They just lay there for about a minute, trying to gather their thoughts, but they seemed to be having trouble summoning them, so they gave up and simply tried to get their strength back.

Unknown to them, while they were laying there, Calvin didn't notice something heading straight towards him. Of course, he could be forgiven for not noticing because the thing was no larger than the head of a pin.

It was a robot of some sort, about the size of a flea, and the only thing that could've given it away was the single blinking red light on the back of it. It skittered around, its computers receiving instructions that were telling it to climb into Calvin's damp pants pocket, which wouldn't be a problem because it was waterproof. After a few nanoseconds to pinpoint its final landing place, the tiny robot suddenly bounced into the air and landed safely in the pocket.

Calvin had no idea this had happened. He just lay there next to Hobbes for a long time, trying to find the will to stand up.

Finally, with a long groan, he sat up, trying to make himself stand up, which he eventually managed five minutes later. He dusted off his pants and looked over at Hobbes, who had made next to no effort to do similar.

"Come on, Hobbes. We need to make tracks for home. What time is it?"

Hobbes checked the wristwatch that blended in perfectly with the black stripe around his wrist. "I'm not sure. I don't think my watch was waterproof."

"Then let's just assume it's late and get going. We don't want to be late for whatever slime Mom wants to put on a plate and call dinner tonight."

"Ohhh, alright."

Hobbes managed to slowly stagger his way upright, stretching in his usual feline way as he did so. He scanned the area and spotted a flash of red further away to their left.

"There's the wagon. We'd better see if your dad could fix it again."

"He's not going to be happy. He just finished fixing it this morning."

They staggered off and went to fetch the wagon.

They were completely unaware that the robot within Calvin's pocket was transmitting everything they said back to its creator.

* * *

Miles away in an underground lair, which was poorly lit in the interest of creating a more intimidating ambiance, was the creator of the tiny robot. He was hunched over a desk, giggling madly at a small television that clearly needed its vertical hold repaired. It had two long rabbit ears lined with tinfoil, but several thick cables hooked it up to a large machine.

Through his mad giggling, he gleefully hissed, "I have them… _I have them_…" And he descended into giggling again. He straightened his wire-frame glasses and leaned in closer. "Soon they will be mine… And I will have access to the greatest power source in the universe!"

And he suddenly leaned back and laughed madly, as loudly as he could, listening to his own laugh reverberate off the metal walls.

* * *

"How could you break this thing already?" Dad demanded. "I just fixed it this morning!"

"I left it too close to the edge of the hill. It rolled down and flew off a cliff and landed in a river," Calvin replied. "We had to climb in to get it out."

"Well, you might as well get ready for a bath," Mom sighed. "You can have your dinner when you get out. I'll put Hobbes in the wash."

"Okay," Calvin sighed. Something about having dinner in his pajamas appealed to him, so he squelched upstairs in his wet shoes.

Once he was upstairs, he kicked them off, sending them hurtling into his room, and then he headed for the bathroom, where he peeled off his wet clothes and got the water running in the tub.

Unknown to him, the tiny robot in his pocket was now no longer in his pocket. As soon as the black pants hit the floor, it leapt out of the pocket and skittered across the floor. He was so focused on the tub and finding a fluffy towel in the closet that he didn't notice it.

It hurried out under the door and into the hallway. It looked around, trying to find a nice place to go.

While it was doing that, Calvin was filling the tub. It poured in the bubble bath and watched as suds filled the water. As he did, he leaned against the tub and let his mind wander, mesmerized by the running water and the bubbles.

The tub slowly turned into a vat of molten lava, and the bathroom was turning into a large torture chamber with various instruments of interrogation hanging from the walls, all glistening in the moonlight pouring in through the barred window.

Two large trim slimy aliens with compound eyes and twig-like arms with three fingers on the ends were standing at his side. One of them was holding a whip, and he looked like he was getting ready to whack somebody over the head with it.

"Very well, Spiff," he snarled. "You have failed to hand over the formula for the immortality serum. Either tell us now, or we shall roast you alive in the Lava Pit of Doom."

"I'll never talk!" Spiff snapped in reply. "Give me your worst! You'll get nothing out of me!"

"Very well!" And the creature cracked the whip at the air.

Immediately, two more creatures descended upon Spiff and grabbed him. They forced the squirming spaceman and shoved him towards the lava pit. He writhed and struggled, but he wasn't strong enough. He cursed himself for not hitting the gym at the Space Academy more frequently.

Finally, he was dangling above the lava, listening to it burble and churn below him, blasting thick smoke at him.

"One last chance, Spaceman Spiff!" the creature growled. "Hand over the immortality serum formula, and I will spare you."

Spiff looked at the ugly creature through his black goggles with the utmost contempt. He took a deep breath, opened his mouth and delivered the most scathing insult he could muster.

"Your mother wears army boots!" he hissed.

The creature snarled with fury and cracked the whip.

The creatures released Spiff, and he fell into the lava, which swallowed him up. He didn't even scream.

The aliens stood over the pit, furious.

"What shall we tell our leader?" one of them hissed.

"That he has been destroyed, and that the formula for the serum has gone with them. We have no choice," the one in charge hissed in return. "We can at least be content with the knowledge that we are the ones who killed the legendary Spaceman Spiff."

And that was nearly that. Except it wasn't.

In that instant, there was an explosion of lava, and all four aliens were showered in it, causing them to shriek in pain and horror.

And there, slightly singed and climbing out of the pit, was Spiff, holding his slightly melted blaster in his hand.

"Did you really think I could resist using the serum for myself?" he sneered smugly. "Now stand aside, you ugly slugs, because it's time for me to – "

Suddenly, everything went black, save for the light coming in through the window.

Calvin looked around, trying to see what was happening, but he could just barely see what was going on around him, aside from the fact that he was in the tub and the water was churning as he moved.

He heard noises going on downstairs, so he quickly grabbed his towel and got out of the tub. He slowly felt around for the doorknob, and when he found it, he opened the door and headed for the stairs, looking down into the dimly lit downstairs area.

"Mom? Dad? What's happening?" he shouted.

"We're not sure, Calvin," Dad's voice shouted back. "I'm trying to find the flashlight. Don't worry. I've got everything under cont – AAAAAAAAGH!"

There was a loud crash as something hit the floor.

In the next instant, Mom turned on the flashlight, immediately finding that Dad had tripped over a hassock and fallen flat on his face.

Calvin sighed. "Way to look out for us, Dad."

Dad grumbled and struggled to get back to his feet. "Okay, let's see… Dear, let's go take a look at the fuse box."

"Coming," she replied. "Watch your step this time."

"Yes, dear."

"Calvin, just go dry off in your room and wait there until we can come get you."

"Okay!"

As they walked away, Calvin headed for his room. As he did so, he heard the sound of his father stubbing his toe against the table leg in the kitchen.

He made it into his room and wandered around, trying to find a flashlight of his own. He found it on top of his desk, so he picked it up and flicked it on, looking around his darkened room.

He found the MTM on the desk. He activated him and picked him up.

"MTM? What's going on? What turned the lights off?"

"Not sure," MTM replied. "There were no power fluctuations. I ran a scan on the whole house, but nothing seems out of the ordinary."

"Except for the lack of electricity."

"Correct."

Calvin grumbled to himself as he set down the flashlight so he could finish drying himself. "Well, this is great. Just great. Everything's shut down. That means no TV, no lamps, no air conditioning, no…" He trailed off as something occurred to him.

"No what?" MTM asked.

"… No washing machine."

At that moment, the door swung open, and in walked Hobbes. He was covered in suds that dripped around him, and he didn't look very happy about this fact.

Calvin swallowed down his laughter and held up his towel. "Need to dry off?"

Hobbes growled in response.

"Okay, okay, relax. MTM – finish cleaning him."

"Check," MTM replied.

At that moment, a large water bottle came out of the MTM and was poured all over Hobbes, cleaning the suds off of him, and then a large fan came out and gave him a good blow drying.

While this was going on, Calvin finished drying himself off and climbed into his dresser's bottom drawer, closed it around himself, and proceeded his way upwards until he was in his pajamas.

Hobbes proceeded to lick his fur, trying to smooth it out. "So what's the deal?" he asked as he did so.

"Not sure," MTM replied. "Nothing odd is happening. The power's still on in the rest of the neighborhood."

"Then it must be internal," Hobbes said.

"Yep," Calvin said. "MTM, try and run a scan on the whole house. Scan all the wiring and figure out where the problems are coming from."

"I'll try… Processing… Processing…"

"Should I go get a sandwich?" Hobbes asked tiredly.

"_Processing_…," MTM continued. After a few seconds, he finally made a triumphant "ping" sound. "Found it. There's something small in the electrical wiring of the house blocking the power feed. In fact, I'd say it's absorbing all power coming into our house."

"Can you teleport it to us?" Hobbes asked.

"Nah. It's shielded. I can't get to it," MTM replied.

"Then we'll have to get it out some other way," Calvin decided. "MTM – can you trace where it first arrived?"

"Yes, it seems to have entered the wiring via an outlet in the hallway."

"Then, theoretically, we could get it out via the same outlet, yes?"

"Theoretically."

"Good. Let's get to work."

* * *

A little while later, Calvin and Hobbes stood before an outlet. Hobbes was shining a flashlight on it while Calvin held the MTM in front of it.

"Okay, let's see if we can find it," Calvin said. "MTM – trace it, and then latch onto it."

"Check," MTM replied.

A moment later, MTM revved like the engine of a sports car, and then a long thin blue stream of electricity shot out of his side and into the outlet, sending sparks flying.

"Try to do it without setting the carpet on fire," Hobbes sighed.

"I'm feeling around the whole house," MTM said, sounding like he was trying to grab onto something he couldn't see. "Sneaky little blighter… Hang on. Almost got him."

Suddenly, another outlet down the hall suddenly erupted with electricity, feeling around.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it in confusion.

"MTM…?" Calvin asked.

"Hang on. I can find him," MTM replied.

The electric stream suddenly curved around the floor and headed downstairs, screaming its way into the kitchen, where it launched itself into the outlet that was connected to the toaster.

Then, a moment later, it came back out again of another outlet in the living room, racing across to the den, into another outlet. Then it shot out of an outlet in the bathroom before swooping down the hallway over their heads and into Calvin's parents' room.

"Almost got 'im…," MTM insisted, still straining.

And after a few more seconds…

"Got him!"

Suddenly, the stream – much like a fishing rod – was being reeled back in, zipping over their heads and vanishing into the bathroom, zipped all around the house, in and out of outlets before finally flying up the stairs and through the outlet down the hall and reversing out of the main outlet and zipping away into MTM. The force of its arrival sent the boy falling over backwards and into the wall.

Dazed, he got up and looked around. "Okay," he said, slowly sitting up straight. "MTM, what is it?"

MTM didn't reply.

"MTM?"

Still no reply.

Calvin tried rapping on his casing, but nothing happened.

"Did he switch off?" Hobbes asked, shining the flashlight on the CD player.

"Nope. The little switch is still on."

"Then what's up with him?"

Calvin gently shook the MTM back and forth, close to his ear. He heard a very faint rattling sound inside. It seemed close to the surface. He popped open the lid and looked inside.

And then he saw it – the tiny little robot that had hitched a ride in his pocket.

"What the heck is that?" Hobbes asked, shining the flashlight on it.

"It looks like a miniature robot," Calvin said quietly, reaching into the MTM to pluck it out. He managed to get it between his fingers, but it burnt him. "Ow! It's hot to the touch."

"That must've been what he was after."

Calvin snapped the MTM shut again. "It must have neutralized the MTM. Come on."

He ran into his bedroom. He opened a drawer and dug around through his clothes until he pulled out a glass jar. He unscrewed the top and set it down on the floor, and then took the MTM and held him upside down over the jar, popped open his lid, and watched as the tiny robot landed inside. Hobbes quickly took the lid and screwed it back on.

"Nicely done," Hobbes said, picking up the jar and looking at the little troublemaker.

Calvin quickly set about restarting the MTM, but he wasn't working. "I think he damaged the MTM. He's not coming back on."

"What do we do then? We need to find out what this thing is."

Calvin thought for a moment before turning back to his dresser. "I'm going to have to get dressed again. We're going to see Sherman."

* * *

Sherman was able to look at the tiny robot much more closely due to his own miniature status. The genius hamster was looking at the tiny little robot carefully with his own special goggles that made it look even bigger. The flea-like robot had regained its senses and was currently bouncing itself against the sides of the jar furiously, apparently hoping to smash its way out.

After a few moments of observation, he took the goggles off and set about writing stuff down on a clipboard.

"What do you make of it?" Calvin asked.

"Tiny little robot," Sherman replied.

"We gathered that," Hobbes sighed. "Anything _new_?"

"We'll know in a moment. I need to run a complete 3D scan of it first. Calvin – place the jar on that platform over there."

Calvin took the jar and placed it on a metal elevated platform that was on a table. It had a massive device hanging over him that put him in mind of the x-ray machine at the dentist's office, except it was shiny and black and hooked up to several computers, all of which were hooked up to the massive monitor in the middle of Sherman's lab.

"What's this thing?" he asked. "I've never seen it around here before."

"It's my new 3D all-purpose scanner," Sherman replied. "I bought it on eBay, made a few modifications and so forth. Hang on, I'll switch it on." And he pressed a button on the counter he was standing on.

The large machine roared into life with such ferocity that Calvin and Hobbes backed away from it in fear. The long angular part over the jar lowered itself down. The tiny robot continued to try and escape, clinking against the inside frantically.

On the end of the angular part was a light bulb, which released a long laser that, instead of destroying the robot, scanned it in several different directions. The machine rumbled momentarily before a 3D image of the robot appeared on the monitor, with streams of data and statistics racing across the screen.

"Wow…," Calvin said. "So what is it?"

Sherman scratched his chin. "It would appear to be some sort of remote-controlled energy collector," he said. "I've managed to isolate its primary directive."

"Which is…?" Hobbes asked.

"To steal electricity."

"Steal?"

"Yep. This is what took the power out of your house. It seems to have absorbed every last bit of electricity out of the building's entire system."

"It must've absorbed the MTM's power source, too," Hobbes said.

"That tiny little spring-loaded menace currently holds every last bit of electricity in my house and my mini time machine?" Calvin asked incredulously.

"It would appear so."

"What for?"

"Clearly for some nefarious purpose. Someone has built this robot and designed it that way. We'll have to find its master."

"How do we that?"

"Well, according to these readouts, the robot is receiving a signal. We can trace it back to the source and find out who is sending it."

Sherman began typing on his computer.

Calvin and Hobbes watched anxiously as the computer hummed and the data spewed across the screen.

For a long few minutes, nothing happened, but eventually…

"Found it!" Sherman announced triumphantly.

"So where is it?" Calvin asked.

"Somewhere in Nevada. It's close to Las Vegas, weirdly enough."

"Makes sense," Hobbes said. "Isn't it the biggest sin city on Earth?"

As they were doing this, however, the tiny little robot was preparing its escape. It turned out that all that rebounding off the sides of the jar were not random and clueless after all. It was, in fact, a systematic plan to weaken the glass at certain points, and it had been doing this consistently for the past hour. It had been able to calculate precisely where to strike and how many times would be necessary.

And now it was ready.

It rebounded against each weak point in less than a second, and the glass jar shattered instantaneously.

Calvin, Hobbes and Sherman spun around at the noise and stared at the remains lying on the counter.

The robot was already gone.

"… Well, that can't be good," said Hobbes.

The lights dimmed.

"No, it can't," agreed Calvin.

Everything suddenly switched off, and the lab was plunged into total darkness.

"Nobody light any matches in here!" Sherman warned. "I haven't gotten rid of the gas from the last experiment!"

"What gas?" Hobbes asked worriedly.

"Don't worry. It's not toxic anymore."

A few moments later, a tiny little beam of light shone from the counter top. It was Sherman, holding his flashlight.

"That's it?" Calvin asked. "That's your whole flashlight?"

"Gotta say, Vermin. It's less than impressive," Hobbes noted.

"Hang on. Wrong setting," Sherman replied.

The tiny little beam of light jiggled up and down as the hamster fiddled with it. A moment later, the tiny little beam of light slowly transformed into a large beam of light that lit up the whole room. It looked a bit like it had before, but now with only one light source, there were more shadows scattered about the place, giving the lab an eerie air to it.

"Okay, I'm impressed now," sighed Hobbes.

"What do we do now?" Calvin asked.

"Check the door," Sherman said.

Calvin obliged and ran up the spiral staircase to the heavy metal door to the lab. He tried pushing it open like he usually did, but it wouldn't budge. The whole door was wedged into its housing extra-tight.

"We're locked in!" Calvin cried.

"Oh, great," Hobbes moaned.

"That little bugger has stolen my power supply," Sherman grumbled.

"How is that even possible?" Calvin demanded.

"That thing has the ability to devour the entire world's supply of electricity. My lab's power source is probably a light snack to it."

"So how do we get out of here?"

"Yeah, aren't we supposed to be putting a stop to it?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, there are possibilities," Sherman said, scratching his head. "If we can just find a way to get the door open."

"So how do we do that?"

"Well… I think I have a crowbar somewhere around here."

"Oh, joy," grumbled Calvin.

* * *

Upstairs, Andy was playing a computer game in his room. He was busily trying to defeat an evil wizard with his super-glowy sword thing that would free some sort of princess, which he then had to save from a dragon.

So imagine his disappointment when his computer randomly shut down, along with the rest of the lights in his room.

He just stared at the blank computer screen for a long moment before picking up his cordless keyboard and throwing it across the room in frustration. It slammed against the wall and slid behind his bed.

Glad to have that out of his system, he got up and left his room. He peeked outside and saw that the whole house was plunged in darkness, with only dim sunlight lighting anything up.

"Something is rotten in the state of my house," he murmured.

He walked down the stairs and up to the front door of the lab, which was disguised as part of the wall. He lifted up a flap next to it, uncovering the keypad that was supposed to open it. He pressed the well-worn buttons that he'd pressed several times before, but nothing happened. He repeated this three times, but the door wouldn't budge.

He rapped on the side of the door. "Shermie? Are you in there?"

There was no reply.

Andy sighed. "Well, whether you are or not, the door is six-inch-thick steel. I'll need to find a way to get it open just in case he _is_ in there, and I'll need to find someone to help me, because I can't stand talking to myself."

He walked away in the interest of finding help.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes weren't home, which only worried the boy further, so he was forced to go down the road and get Socrates to help him.

"So the little fellow's trapped in his own lab, eh?" he remarked. "Never mind. We'll get him. I have just the thing."

"What's that?"

Socrates opened a cardboard box that was in the corner of his bedroom and pulled out a large device that took Andy by surprise.

"You've got a generator?"

"I needed it last week for a prank I pulled involving a tree out in the woods. I've still got one more week before I need to return it. Glad I held onto it. I'll grab the fuel from the pantry, and we'll get to work."

* * *

Half an hour later, Socrates had hooked up the generator to the back of Andy's house, and after connecting all the appropriate wires and cables, he poured in the fuel and started it up.

It hummed beautifully.

In no time, the lights in Andy's house came on.

"Excellente!" Socrates cheered.

They ran inside and up to the door where the lab was located. Andy inputted the code, and it slid open, revealing the top of the spiral staircase.

Andy and Socrates walked down it and saw Calvin, Hobbes and Sherman were busily cleaning up some broken glass.

"Ah-ha!" Andy exclaimed. "So you _were_ down here."

"How'd the power come back on?" Calvin asked.

"I used my generator to power it up," Socrates replied smugly.

"Oh great," Sherman grumbled. "We're indebted to _you_?"

"I'll just add it to the ever-expanding list."

Everyone sighed irritably.

"So what were you guys doing?" Andy asked.

"We were trying to figure out the origins of a tiny little robot that can suck electricity dry," Calvin replied. "Hence the blackout. But it broke free. Hence the broken glass. We managed to trace the signal commanding it to Las Vegas."

"Hence the upcoming adventure?" Socrates asked eagerly.

"Naturally."

"Then let's vamoose."

They printed off the directions, and Calvin inputted them into the cardboard box. Within the hour, the quintet were soaring off in the direction of Las Vegas.

"Something just occurred to me," Hobbes said suddenly.

"What's that?" Calvin asked.

"Do your parents know where we are? We never even had supper."

"They're still stumbling around in the dark with the fuse box. Knowing my dad, they'll be busy for a few hours."

* * *

"Dear, you've already tried all the fuses," Mom sighed, still holding the flashlight. "There's no need to rip the whole thing apart in a futile attempt to prove to me that you can fix it."

"I'm not about to let the technology beat me," Dad grumbled in response, fiddling with several wires. "I'll figure this dumb thing out yet."

He stuck two wires together and –

_**KAZAP!**_

Sparks erupted right there in his hands, and he let go quickly, sticking the burnt fingers into his mouth and screaming through them furiously.

Mom sighed to herself. "That's my man…"

* * *

Las Vegas was everything Calvin imagined it to be – loud, bright and utterly ridiculous. Needless to say, he loved it.

"Magnificent!" Calvin cried. "I've always wanted to come here!"

Something bright drew Andy's eye, and he looked over the edge of the box. "There's a man in a sparkly leotard breathing fire on the sidewalk," he remarked. "You know, before I met any of you that would've freaked me out."

"We aim to please," Hobbes sighed.

Calvin aimed the box for an alley and brought it down gently next to some trashcan.

"You know, every time we go someplace, you always park right next to a trash can," Sherman said. "Why does no one ever steal the box?"

"Who says no one has?" Calvin asked, raising an eyebrow. "The box is programmed to protect itself."

Everyone stared at him.

"Er… _How _does it protect itself?" Socrates asked slowly.

"Never you mind. Now let's get to work on finding the robot's creator." And with that, he climbed out of the box.

The others all exchanged glances before hurriedly getting out of the box as well.

As soon as they were out, Calvin took out a small remote and pressed a button. The box flashed momentarily before returning to normal.

The others looked at it worriedly for a moment before determinedly ignoring it and following after Calvin.

* * *

A few minutes later, they were totally immersed in the crowds on the sidewalks, trying to stay close to each other. Calvin was going over the directions with Sherman perched on his shoulder, helping him understand the writing.

Right behind them were Hobbes, Andy and Socrates, who were looking around the city, trying not to confuse building lights with traffic lights.

"It's easy to get lost out here," Hobbes murmured.

"Yeah, I'm surprised there aren't more traffic accidents," added Andy.

Socrates smelled the air. "Anyone else smell shrimp? I smell shrimp." He looked around in several different directions until he finally spotted a sign. "Oh, wow! Look at that! All You Can Eat Shrimp for just ninety-nine cents!"

"We're here to save the world from an electronic menace," Calvin reminded him sternly. "We don't have to time to stuff our faces with shell fish."

Socrates took one last look at the restaurant. "Just as well," he said with a sniff. "It looks like some fat woman is hogging the buffet."

"We need to go that way," Sherman said, pointing to a crosswalk.

They came up to the edge of the sidewalk. They waited for the light to turn green, and when it did, they hurried across, pushing their way through the crowd of people walking in the opposite direction. After a few seconds of practically swimming upstream, they collapsed in a heap on the opposite side of the crosswalk.

"Which way do we go next?" Hobbes asked wearily.

"To the right," Sherman replied. "Keep moving."

They all staggered upright again and kept moving onwards, ignoring the street peddlers and magicians and mimes trying to get money out of them.

When they arrived at another corner, they realized they were coming to the edge of the city.

"Are we almost there?" Socrates asked.

"Very nearly," replied Sherman. "We just have to go to that mailbox over there."

They spotted a standard blue mailbox standing in the middle of the sidewalk to their left. Shrugging, they walked over to it and stood next to it.

"Is it real?" Andy asked.

"Looks real," Calvin said.

Hobbes banged his knuckles on it a few times, eliciting a metallic clang each time. "Feels real," he confirmed.

"Well, that confirms it then," Socrates said with a nod. "It isn't real."

"Right," agreed Sherman. "There must be some sort of way to activate it."

They all started feeling around the mailbox, knocking on it and tapping it around every point they could. Calvin and Andy were feeling around the legs and checking underneath, Hobbes and Socrates were feeling around the middle and checking the sides, and Sherman had been placed on top to feel around the slot.

"Anyone finding anything?" the hamster called out, poking his nose down the opening.

"Nothing," Socrates replied, feeling around the right side. "The whole thing's totally smooth. No secret openings or compartments anywhere."

"I'm beginning to think this is a real mailbox after all," Andy said.

"Then why did the directions say to come here?" Calvin demanded, crawling out from underneath.

Hobbes was just about to chime in with his own thoughts when he noticed one of the bolts running down the corner was a bit loose. Curious, he reached over and touched it.

He vanished in a flash.

Everyone turned around to look, and they were surprised to find a wisp of smoke floating where Hobbes had been originally standing.

"What happened?" Socrates asked.

_"Something_ happened, that's what," Calvin replied.

In an instant, there was another flash, and Hobbes suddenly returned, looking triumphant. "Found it!" he declared.

He pressed the bolt again, and in another flash, he vanished.

Andy was the first to find his voice. "Ohhh, _that's_ what happened!" He reached forward and touched the bolt, and in another flash, he disappeared too.

Socrates grinned and followed in suit.

Calvin went next.

And Sherman jumped down from the top and bounced against the bolt as he fell, and as he resumed his fall, he vanished, too.

* * *

They finally arrived in the foyer of a dark and creepy-looking underground lair.

"It's a lair!" Hobbes said, holding his arms out dramatically. "What _is it_ with bad guys and lairs? Can't they just live in houses?"

"Imagine a super villain living in a studio apartment in southeast central L.A.," Socrates added. "I wonder if they could afford the rent."

"Okay, we're here," Andy said quietly. "Now what do we do?"

"Look around," Calvin replied. "We need to find the idiot genius behind all this."

They wandered down the dimly-lit corridor that seemed to have suffered an oil-explosion, judging by all the stains on the walls.

"Why do the bad guys always try to steal the electricity?" Socrates asked irritably. "It always comes down to electricity with these guys."

"Well, think about it," Sherman replied. "The entire planet is reliant on electricity these days. If you can sap the world of its power source and use it against them…"

"Wow…," Andy whispered. "I'll bet the Amish are feeling pretty smug right now."

They kept walking down the long corridor until they finally found a door. It was a wooden door with a window in it, not unlike a door you'd find in an office building. They found it was unlocked, so they slowly pushed it open and peeked inside.

Past the door was a metal staircase that plunged itself into almost absolute darkness, with the room below only lit by a few stray computer monitors against the walls.

"Slowly…," Calvin warned. He stepped out onto the top step and grabbed the railing tightly, slowly making his way down. The others followed close behind.

They tiptoed all the way down, wincing at every sound they made, no matter how minor. The whole room was deathly quiet and a bit chilly, like a morgue.

Finally, they reached the bottom and found themselves with their feet on the floor.

"Okay…," Calvin whispered, trying to get his eyes focused on Sherman, who was on Andy's shoulder. "What do we do now that we're here?"

Sherman took note of their only light source – the two computers. "We could try using those to learn more about whoever's in charge here."

They started to tiptoe in the direction of the computers.

And they were halfway there when it happened.

Every single light in the room suddenly came on, and a loud booming voice reverberated across the room, nearly splitting their eardrums!

"_WHO DARES TO DARKEN THE LIGHTNING MAN'S DOOR STEP?!_" the voice bellowed.

They all jumped in seven directions at once before grabbing onto each other fearfully, trying to regain their composure and formulate an answer.

Once their eyes adjusted, they saw that the room was made of cinderblocks and painted white, reminding them of a school. There were desks with several more computers, many of them dormant. They couldn't see anyone else, however.

"Who's there?" Calvin yelled shakily. "Identify yourself!"

"I just did!" the voice said, quieter this time. "I'm the Lightning Man! Pay attention, kid!"

"Okay… Who's the Lightning Man?"

"I am _here_!"

There was a sudden hissing noise as steam escaped from a nozzle in the wall, and a moment later two sections of the wall split open, revealing a second room, and their enemy was finally revealed to them.

He was a tall, middle-aged guy with thick curly gray hair that resembled a Hershey's Kiss, except it curled forwards over his face, and it bobbed up and down whenever he moved. He had on a pair of goggles that were on over his eyebrows, and wore a white lab coat over a bright red t-shirt that had an even brighter yellow "L" right in the middle of it. His brown and red plaid pants went rather well with his brown loafers. Most distinguishable was his large pair of pink rubber gloves.

"I am the Lightning Man!" he declared dramatically, walking through the steam. "This is my Lightning Lair!"

He held his pose for a solid five seconds.

"Well," Calvin said slowly, glad to be in more familiar territory. "My name is – "

"Calvin," Lightning Man interrupted.

Calvin froze, suddenly not in familiar territory. He gestured to Hobbes. "Er, this is – "

"Hobbes."

"… And these are – "

"Andy, Sherman and Socrates."

"… And I typically have – "

"A talking CD player with a British accent, but he slash it's not working right now, so you can't threaten me with him slash it."

Everyone stared at the grinning lunatic for a few moments.

"It's always a bad sign when our enemies have done their homework," Hobbes murmured.

"But how'd you know all that?" Calvin asked worriedly.

"I have my sources," the Lightning Man replied ominously, allowing a smug smirk to smear itself across his face. "Now then, I'd like my robot back please."

It took a few seconds before any of them twigged. "Oh, that spring-loaded menace was yours?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, yes! It's of my own design!"

"We don't have it," Calvin said firmly.

"Ohh, yes, you do."

And Lightning Man snapped his fingers.

It took a few seconds for anyone to notice, but Hobbes' acute eyesight picked up on a small dot bouncing past them and into the waiting hands of the Lightning Man.

"Hello, my little beauty," the stranger said sweetly to the little dot in his hand. "Did you have a nice trip in the boy's pocket?"

Calvin blinked, suddenly reaching into his pockets in surprise. "That thing was in my…? Man, I didn't even notice that."

"Not many people notice fleas until it's too late," Andy murmured.

"Very apt analogy, my boy," the Lightning Man said approvingly.

"But what's it for?" Sherman asked. "What's the point of it?"

"It's because of _you_, my dear little rat."

"HAMSTER!" Sherman snapped automatically.

"Whatever. The point is I needed a power source. I needed to get inside your lab somehow and steal yours. So I created this little fella. I knew the boy and the tiger would come crashing through the woods eventually, so I arranged for my robot to be waiting for them. When they eventually crossed paths, it hid in his pocket, and then took the electricity from his house and the MTM. Naturally, his curiosity would be piqued, and without the MTM, he went straight to you and your beautiful lab, and its beautiful power source."

"But why mine?" Sherman demanded. "Why my lab?"

"Because your lab had the biggest power source on the entire planet, that's why! I could power my machine a million times over, thanks to you! And now, I shall do it! I shall use my machine to destroy the human race!"

"Why destroy it?" Socrates asked.

"Why not? Can you imagine the enormity of such a scientific achievement? I can finally get revenge on those who mocked me, those who pushed me around and told me I was wasting my time!"

"But how will you do it?" Sherman asked.

"Come this way," the Lightning Man said, gesturing towards the room he had just come out of.

He led them into an even larger room than the last. The lights in here were on but flickering, and in the center of the room, hooked up to various cables and wires that snaked around the floor and hung from the ceiling, was a massive machine that stretched upwards in the same shape as a skyscraper.

"What is it?" Calvin asked.

"I shall insert all the electricity from the hamster's lab into my machine here, and it will send an electrical charge all over the world that will stop the heart of every single person on the face of the planet!"

He waited for their reactions with a huge grin on his face.

Finally, Calvin was the one who figured out what to say. "And then what?"

The Lightning Man stared at him for a long moment. "…What?"

"Well, after you've destroyed every single person on the planet, what happens then? I mean, you'll be the only one left. No one left to rule over or at least gloat at."

"True," agreed Hobbes. "And then there's the fact that you'll have to dispose of the bodies yourselves. You're pretty much stuck with nearly seven billion dead bodies to either bury or cremate – whatever their wills say."

"Ooh, and that's another thing," Andy put in. "You'll have to go through all those wills on your own. That could take years."

"And then there's the people who didn't have wills," added Socrates. "What about the people who didn't think ahead to this moment? Those poor people who didn't expect to get fried alive by a mad scientist and his machine?"

"And what about you?" Sherman pointed out. "Who are you going to have to share your accomplishment with? Just yourself? Party of one? Sounds like a hollow victory if you have no one to lord it over."

"OKAY! ENOUGH!" the Lightning Man shouted at last, frustrated by them and their nitpicking. "Fine! I won't fry _every single person_! I'll just reduce the voltage and fry half of them! Is that okay?! Are you _cool_ with that?!"

"Not particularly," Calvin said, shaking his head. "This means that there will be enough people to revolt against you. They just have to band together."

"Yeah, and you're just one guy," Socrates added. "They could probably take you down fairly easily."

"Unless you're hiding some actual body mass under that lab coat," Andy pointed out.

"OH, SHUT UP!" the Lightning Man snapped. "How about I kill three quarters of the population? That's more than half, and I can threaten the survivors with the machine if need be! _Is that kosher with you?!_"

Calvin thought for a moment, and then huddled with the others as if they were a football team. After a very brief discussion, they turned around and faced the villain again, looking very firm in what their decision was.

"Nope," Calvin said shortly.

"OH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?!"

"Us."

And in that instant, Hobbes reared up and pounced the Lightning Man right to the ground.

"AAAAAGH!" the villain screamed. "WILD ANIMAL! SAVE ME!"

Calvin immediately began doling out orders. "Socrates – cover Hobbes! Andy and Sherman – help me disable the machine and get back the electricity!"

The gang immediately split up and headed for their stations.

Calvin, Andy and Sherman immediately went to the computers around the machine and began looking it over.

"Is there anything we can do to destroy it?" Calvin asked.

Sherman was typing away furiously at the keyboard, which was five times his size. "I'm not sure," he said, watching the data fly across the screen as he worked. "It has a triple-locked code and the most advanced security systems I've ever seen… I'm in!"

"Great. What are you getting?"

"Lots of strange coding. It'll take me a little longer to work my way through it, but I think I can shut it down and put in a code that will lock him out."

At that moment, the Lightning Man landed just a few feet beside them, banging his head against the desk. His clothes were torn, and he had a few tiger-inflicted cuts and bruises on his face and hands.

An instant later, Socrates was at his side and dragging him back. "Okay, I got 'im, Hobbo! He's all set for round two!"

As the brawl resumed, Calvin, Andy and Sherman continued to work at the computers.

"How long will this take?" Andy asked.

"Longer than I thought. Apparently, there's a code I need, and I haven't cracked it so far. I think it needs access to the electricity's storage chip if we're going to redistribute back to our houses, my lab and the MTM."

"So we need the tiny robot?" Calvin asked.

"Bingo."

Calvin turned to where Hobbes was still fighting the Lightning Man. "Hey, Hobbes! We need the robot flea thingy! Where is it?"

Hobbes managed to pin the Lightning Man on the floor. "How would I know?" he asked, panting heavily. "This guy had it last."

Socrates bent down over the Lightning Man's bruised face. "Pardon us, sir, but we need your robot. Where is it?"

"I'll never surrender," the man replied furiously. "Never!"

Socrates raised an eyebrow at him. "You want Hobbo here to beat the truth out of you? I mean, we don't usually resort to that, but if we have to…"

The Lightning Man smirked. "How do you even know I have it on me? I could have let it lose anywhere in this room, and you'd never notice. Nobody ever notices a flea until it's too late."

They all stared at him for a long moment.

Then they all turned to look at the main control panel on the side of the machine.

They saw the single red light blinking on the side of the tiny little robot.

"It's attaching itself to the main computer," Sherman realized out loud. "If he uploads all the electricity to the machine, we're done for."

Calvin ran for the control panel, hoping to stop the robot, but a bolt of electricity that sent him flying backwards suddenly struck him. He landed on the floor, smoke rising from his singed shirt. He got up, feeling a little warm.

"Ooh, what hit me?" he asked, having had the wind knocked out of him in the process.

"Anyone tries that again and the next bolt will prove fatal," the Lightning Man chuckled.

"We've got to think of something," Andy said, aware that he was stating the obvious but unsure of what else could be said.

"I'm a little stuck for answers," Sherman admitted.

The machine was beginning to warm up.

"It's working! It's finally working!" the Lightning Man crowed triumphantly, despite still being pinned by Hobbes. "My life's work is finally coming to fruition! NOTHING IN THE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOW!"

"Wanna bet?" asked a familiar voice.

Everyone turned to look at the doorway.

Jack T Robot was standing there, looking rather bored by the scene in front of him.

"Jack?!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Jack, no!" the Lightning Man cried. "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Wait, you know each other?" Hobbes asked incredulously.

"You better not be Frank wearing a rubber mask," Andy said warningly to the man on the floor.

"_**DR. BRAINSTORM!**_" shouted the man at the door.

It was Dr. Brainstorm, standing in the doorway alongside Jack, having just shown up.

"What are you guys doing here?" Calvin demanded.

"Be with you in just a second," Jack replied, holding a hand up. "I believe I have a little troublesome robot to deal with."

Jack extended his arm all the way across the room to where the control panel was. He managed to reach the tiny little robot that was hooked up to it and tapped it on the back a couple times. It suddenly stopped uploading the electricity.

Then he grabbed onto it between his forefinger and thumb and plucked off the panel like the flea it was and brought it back to him and Dr Brainstorm.

"What are you doing to it?" the Lightning Man shouted. "Frank, stop this at once!"

"Oh, hush," Dr Brainstorm snapped back, taking the tiny little robot in his hands. "Jack – transfer the software upgrade."

Jack nodded and held up his finger, which gave off a blue light.

The little robot's red light flickered and turned blue itself.

"What software upgrade is that?" Socrates asked.

"One that can restore the electricity to its rightful owners," Jack replied. "Meaning you guys."

Dr. Brainstorm pressed a few tiny buttons on the side of the robot before handing it back to Jack.

Jack extended his arm again, placing it back on the control panel, and reattached the tiny robot to its outlet.

The machine hummed and roared before sending a large charge of electricity into the ceiling.

"Okay," Jack said, monitoring the whole thing in his head. "It has just sent all the electricity along the phone lines… back to your houses… and Sherman's lab… and the last bit is being sent through the air and to…"

He trailed off, and in an instant, there was a flash of blue electricity, and the MTM appeared on the floor in front of them all.

"Alright, dudes? What's shakin'?" he asked casually.

"Sweet!" Calvin exclaimed, running over and snatching him up. "Thanks, guys!"

"No sweat," Jack replied.

"But how'd you know how to find us?" Hobbes asked, slowly getting up off of the Lightning Man, who looked utterly defeated by now.

"Oh, we've been here before a few times," Dr. Brainstorm sighed. "Last Thanksgiving, for instance."

"Shall I call the others?" Jack asked.

"Please do, Jack."

Jack opened a flap on his arm and spoke into a wrist communicator. "All right, Jacqueline – send in the clan."

There was a flash of light in the room behind them, and moments later, Jacqueline, Sheila and both of Dr. Brainstorm's parents were crowding in the doorway.

The Lightning Man started backing away. "No… No! Stop! Get them away from me!" he wailed, trying to hide behind Hobbes and Socrates.

"I take it you all know this clown?" Hobbes asked.

"Know him?! Ha!" Sheila snorted. "He's our uncle!"

Everyone stared at the Lightning man, who was currently wishing for a bolt of electricity that would come along and kill him to get him out of this situation.

"Uncle…?" Calvin asked.

"Yes," Dr. Brainstorm said. "Uncle Lightningstorm."

There was a long pause before our five heroes let out groans of annoyance.

"I take it you've mentioned us before," Calvin grumbled.

"A few times," Jacqueline confirmed. "You guys tend to dominate Christmas dinner."

"So that's how you knew everything about us," Sherman said, glaring at Lightningstorm.

"You guys were scared for a few minutes, though! Admit it!" the older man shouted pathetically.

"Only because you cheated!" Socrates retorted. "At least Frank and Sheila took the time to get to know us on their own and learn our strengths and weaknesses! _You_ just essentially copied off their papers and cut to the front of the line!"

"Precisely," Mr. Brainstorm said firmly. "We may be evil, Percy, but we still have a degree of integrity in this family. You have to _earn_ the right to outsmart your enemies."

Calvin struggled not to laugh. "_Percy?!_" he snickered.

"_**DR. LIGHTNINGSTORM!**_" he replied.

"It's like watching someone solve a Rubix cube really fast, isn't it?" Jack chuckled.

"Quiet, you," Dr. Brainstorm snapped.

"So, he's from your mother's side of the family?" Sherman asked.

"CORRECT!" Mrs. Brainstorm bellowed. "LIGHTNINGSTORM IS MY MAIDEN NAME!"

"Wow," Andy murmured. "You have to appreciate those odds…"

Mrs. Brainstorm focused her attention on Lightningstorm, who stood cowering behind the two tigers.

"NOW THEN, PERCY – I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SHRIMP WHEN WE TRACED YOUR SIGNAL! YOU ARE DISRUPTING OUR FAMILY VACATION! WE ONLY CAME HERE TO SEE _YOU_, YOU KNOW!"

"WELL, I DIDN'T INVITE YOU!" Dr. Lightningstorm snapped in response. "ALL YOU PEOPLE DO WHEN YOU COME TO VISIT ME IS PLAY THE CASINO AND GORGE YOURSELVES ON SHRIMP AND WHATEVER'S IN MY FRIDGE!"

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO DO!"

They were interrupted by a referee's whistle being blown, and everyone turned to see Mr. Brainstorm holding that very whistle in his hand. He stepped between his wife and his brother-in-law.

"Now, now," he said calmly. "We can do better than that. Percy – why don't you come with us to the casino? You and I can shoot craps for a while, Frank and Sheila can go see a show with their robots and Margaret here can finish her excursion through the fast food restaurants?"

"_Margaret_…?" Andy whispered incredulously, but Sherman shushed him.

Lightningstorm shuffled awkwardly for a few minutes before he finally stuck his hands in his pockets. "Okay…"

"Good! Come on, family! Let's move out!"

Before he turned to leave, he walked over and shook Calvin's hand.

"Nice to finally meet you, by the way," he said cordially.

"Er… Same here," Calvin replied, feeling a little weirded out.

Mr. Brainstorm turned and marched out of the room. Sheila glared at everyone before following him. Jacqueline waved pleasantly before following as well. Mrs. Brainstorm waddled after her, dragging a thoroughly-annoyed Lightningstorm behind her.

Dr. Brainstorm was about to leave before he remembered his mortal enemies were still in the room, so he pointed and said, "Oh, yeah – DARN YOU and stuff…"

The five of them merely waved goodbye to his retreating form. Jack waved back as he followed him out.

They all stood in silence for a little while.

"Well," Calvin said. "Got that done. Shall we all go home?"

"Agreed," Hobbes said. "We've nearly been gone for an hour."

"Okeydokey, MTM – feel up for some teleportation?"

"Send us all back to our actual homes?" MTM asked.

"And the cardboard box is back in the alley."

"Accounted for. Okay, here we go. Three… Two… One."

There was a bright flash, and they all disappeared.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes landed safely in their room, which was still dark.

"Okay," MTM said from Calvin's hand. "Andy and Sherman are back at their house, Socrates is back at his house, and the box is safely tucked away in the closet."

"Looks like everything's back to normal," said Calvin.

"Not quite," Hobbes said worriedly. "Why are the lights still out?"

For the first time, Calvin realized how dark it was. He went over to the light switch and flipped it a couple of times, but nothing happened.

"That's weird," he said quietly.

Just then, the door opened, and Mom walked in. "Okay, Calvin, we've got a situation," she said tiredly.

"Why isn't the power back on?" Calvin asked.

"Because for the last hour, your father has been screwing up the wiring in the house, trying to get it to come on and now everything is shut down. We're going to have to wait for an electrician to come tomorrow in order to repair the damage your father has caused to the fuse box."

"Oh… So, what about dinner?"

"Well, since I can't finish cooking anything, I'm going to just shove everything in fridge. That should keep it fresh until tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll use my cellphone to order a pizza."

Calvin grinned in the dark. "All right!" he cheered.

"Okay, I'll order it," she replied, heading out the door.

"I love a happy ending," Calvin grinned, following her.

"I want extra anchovies on my part!" Hobbes added as he followed as well.

**THE END**

**VOICE WORK:**

**Pamela Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Norman Lovett: **MTM

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Bill Murray: **Dad

**Alec Baldwin: **Dr. Lightningstorm

**Neil Crone: **Dr. Brainstorm

**Michael Brandon: **Jack

**Bridget Nelson: **Sheila

**AnnaSophia Robb: **Jacqueline

**Mary Jo Pehl: **Mrs. Brainstorm

**Jason Lee: **Mr. Brainstorm


	5. Summer in the City

**Author's Notes: **_This story is based off of my own personal experiences with wandering around my neighborhood after dark. Unlike Calvin's neighborhood, I live in the country, and the roads have no sidewalks. Enjoy._

* * *

_Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

"Alright, Calvin, it's time for bed!" Mom called out through the living room.

Calvin and Hobbes sat silently on the couch staring blankly at the TV in front of them.

Calvin threw a glance towards his mother's voice.

"But what about the late night movie you said we could watch?" he asked.

Mom walked into the living room. "What movie?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"The late night horror special, _Freezy Death Zombie Massacre_."

Mom stared at Calvin for a long moment. "I never said you could watch that," she said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah you did," Calvin said.

"No, I didn't."

Calvin paused.

Hobbes looked over at him. "What? You weren't expecting her to say that?" he asked.

"Shut up, Hobbes, I'm thinking."

Mom rolled her eyes. "Come on, I'll have your father read you a bed time story. Let's go," she said, taking his hand and leading him off the couch.

"Very well, but you just keep in mind I have connections to Amnesty International!" Calvin announced, taking Hobbes' paw and leading him with him.

* * *

"Probably for the better, anyway," Hobbes said, as he watched Calvin brush his teeth. "We need to get up early tomorrow."

"Eh, I suppose," said Calvin, rinsing the toothbrush off. "We do have a lot of treasure hunting that we've fallen behind schedule on."

"Indeed," Hobbes nodded, as Calvin jumped off the stool. "Will we be unearthing many a worm and rusty pipe, tomorrow?"

"Hmmm, indubitably."

There was a moment of silence.

"We're strange people," Hobbes said.

Calvin nodded. "It happens," he shrugged.

The duo strolled out of the bathroom and across the hall to where Calvin's bedroom was.

There they found Dad sitting on the bed, with a stack of small children's books next to him.

"Hey Calvin," he said. "Did you wash up?"

"I didn't wash down."

There was a moment of silence.

"Mm'kay," Dad said, deciding not to comment. "Are you ready for bed?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Calvin said, crawling into the covers. "Have you checked underneath my bed for monsters, yet?"

Dad rolled his eyes. "No, Calvin, it must have slipped my mind."

Calvin glared at him. "Well thanks Dad, I'll just let them drag me underneath and slowly suffocate and devour my entire body in one bite!"

Dad sighed and lifted up the covers to look underneath the bed. "Nope, you're clear." He said. "No monsters."

Calvin rubbed his chin. "I sense disinterest in your sworn job of protecting your offspring. I'm unconvinced."

"What story do you want me to read you, tonight, Calvin?" Dad said, deciding to change the subject.

Calvin gave his father an all-knowing look. "Ah Dad, there is only one story to be read."

Dad sighed. "Oh, please don't," he groaned.

"Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie!" Calvin declared, pointing at the book that Dad had strategically placed at the bottom of the pile.

"You've heard it so many times," Dad moaned, picking the book out of the pile.

"Yeah well, such is life. I could just as easily not want you to read me a bedtime story at all, while I close my door and blast death metal and grunge all night."

Dad stared at Calvin for a long moment, as if considering which he would prefer.

Finally, he sighed, sat back down on the bed, and opened the book.

* * *

"Hamster Huey sounded rather annoyed, tonight," Hobbes said, later on after all the lights were out.

"Yeah, he's turned into quite the impatient little rodent," Calvin nodded.

"And have you noticed the story seems to get shorter, every night?"

"No, that's just because of how fast Dad reads it, nowadays. I'm pretty sure he has the whole thing memorized to heart by now."

"Kind of like how you do?"

"No, he still can't recite it backwards."

"Can he tell what part of the story it is by only hearing the page number, yet?"

Calvin thought for a moment. "...Maybe," he said. "Can't be sure though. I find that Dad tends to rush especially through page 58."

"Aren't there only 58 pages?" Hobbes asked.

Suddenly, there was a rumbling from underneath the bed. Calvin and Hobbes froze. For a while no one said, anything. Finally, Hobbes spoke.

"What was that?" He whispered.

"I'm not sure," Calvin whispered back. "Do you think it was the monsters?"

"Not sure," Hobbes whispered back. "We could always ask."

Calvin considered this. As both of them knew very well, the monsters under the bed were complete morons, and had no qualms about speaking openly to their prey.

"Sounds like a plan," He shrugged. He crawled out of the covers and leaned over the bed. "Alright! How many monsters are under my bed, tonight?!" He called down to the floor.

"None!" a rattled voice called back.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged knowing glances.

"Yeah, there's not four of us!" another voice said.

"We're not listening to your conversation!" another said.

"Yeah! And we're not going to come out and eat you when you fall asleep!" the first one said.

"Nope!" the other said. "So you can just relax and fall asleep, now!"

There was a moment of silence.

"If there were any monsters under my bed, how big would they be?" Calvin asked, looking back down at the floor.

"Oh, microscopic!" the first voice said.

"Yep, totally insignificant!" the second said. "The size of dust balls!"

"Tiny dust balls!" the first added.

"Oh yeah!" the second said. "And we don't have huge teeth and razor sharp talons!"

"Yeah, that's just a myth!" the first said.

"If we were actually here!" the third.

"Yep. But we're not," the fourth said.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin turned to Hobbes. "We have a problem."

"I noticed."

"Great," Calvin grumbled. "Now we're not going to be able to sleep or the stupid monsters will come eat us,"

"I love how we speak about this like it's just a minor annoyance."

"Well, it is! I'm a very busy man! I need my sleep just like the rest of us!"

"Well, we're not getting anywhere complaining about it," Hobbes said, pulling the covers over his head.

Calvin tapped his chin in thought for a moment. "Alright, well, I think it may be time to take drastic measures!"

Hobbes uncovered himself and stared at him. "Which means...?"

"Tying the bed sheets into a rope and climbing out the window."

"That's standard procedure for us," he said.

"Not during the summer."

"Good point."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"Are we crazy?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shook his head. "No, everyone else is."

"Good enough for me, let's go," Hobbes said, ripping the blanket off of the mattress.

After throwing together their rope ladder and throwing it out the window, Calvin and Hobbes climbed down from their two-story house where they landed in the cool dew covered grass outside.

Once there, they made a detour to the tree house, which they found to probably be the most monster-proof fortress on the property. They have very interesting logic.

Calvin yawned and sat down in the tree house.

"That's taken care of," He said. "With any luck, the monsters should leave the property around two or three, until then, we need to stay away from the home front."

"Sounds good to me."

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin yawned again. "Mosquitoes sure are stupid," he said, suddenly.

Hobbes stared at Calvin. "...Um," he began.

"Don't you agree?"

"I do, but I question what made you think of mosquitoes."

Calvin shrugged. "Stuff," He replied.

"Ah yes, stuff tends to happen."

"I would certainly hope so, or life would be kinda boring," Calvin said. "So back on the subject of mosquitoes, they serve no purpose to the well being of the Earth, and frankly when they bite you, it's annoying as heck!"

"That's why we tigers have such a thick coat," Hobbes nodded. "Mosquitoes tend to leave me alone."

"And something I recently discovered that makes a simply glorious combo," Calvin went on. "Imagine if you will having an itchy mosquito bite on your sunburn."

Hobbes thought about that. "I'll bet that's uncomfy."

"Despite how pleasant it sounds, it really isn't." Calvin shook his head.

There was a moment of silence in which Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other nodding with all knowing gazes.

"Yep. Stupidity."

"It's stupid," Hobbes agreed.

Silence followed these words.

Suddenly, Hobbes' stomach growled.

"Hmmm," he considered, rubbing his stomach. "I tummy's all rumbly."

Calvin rubbed his as well. "Me too," he agreed. "Not really helping that I didn't have dinner, today."

"How come?"

"Eggplant casserole."

Hobbes nodded in understanding.

"Well, we have time. Perhaps we should go into town and get something to eat." Calvin shrugged.

"Do you have any money?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin reached into his pocket. "I have about five dollars. I could probably get us something like a couple candy bars or something."

"Where would we get that?" Hobbes asked.

"The grocery store, I vote," Calvin said. "They're open 24 hours aren't they?"

"Yes, but so is Brown's General Store," Hobbes pointed out. "Plus I like their candy bars, better,"

"True, but Brown's General Store is farther away. We'd have to walk further and possibly be kidnapped by stupid people."

"This is true," Hobbes considered. "So where do we go?"

"Hmmmm," Calvin rubbed his chin in thought. "This is quite a conundrum."

"We could flip a coin," Hobbes suggested.

"Brilliant!" Calvin said, snapping his fingers. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a coin. He squinted at it in the dark.

"Can't really tell what this is," he said. "Do you know?"

Hobbes stared at the coin. "It's a penny." He said. "Does it really matter?"

Calvin stared at Hobbes in disbelief. "Yes, it matters! My sources tell me to never trust a penny when flipping a coin for a decision!"

"How come?"

"Pennies are evil," Calvin said, simply.

Hobbes thought for a moment. "...Okay. Let's just do the opposite of what the penny tells us, then."

"That doesn't work either. It'll find out we're doing that and tell us to go to the right place, then. The penny knows!"

Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. "There we go," he said. "So 'heads' is Brown's General Store, right?"

"Yep."

Calvin flipped the quarter, and the duo watched as it fell onto the floor of the tree house.

They stared at it. It was on tails.

Calvin shrugged. "I guess we're going to the grocery store." He said.

"Maybe we should do best two out of three," Hobbes suggested.

"Good idea!" Calvin said, picking the quarter up.

As he flipped it again, he sneezed slightly into his arm. It clanked against the wooden floor and came to rest on tails, again.

"That didn't count," Calvin said. "My sneeze threw me off, and I didn't flip it, right."

He flipped it, again. It landed on tails.

"Is this a trick coin or something?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin picked it up, again and examined it. "Nah, it's legit," he said.

"50-50 chance, my foot!" Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

Calvin flipped it again. It landed on tails.

"What the heck?" Calvin demanded, picking the quarter up. "Why is it only landing on tails?!"

"Are you sure the quarter's trustworthy?" Hobbes asked.

"Are you trustworthy, quarter?" Calvin asked, staring at the coin. "Heads is 'yes', tails is 'no'."

He flipped it, and it landed on tails, again.

He picked it back up.

"Are you sure, about that? Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

He flipped it. It landed on tails.

Calvin grabbed it back up, again. "Then why'd you say that?"

He flipped it, again. It landed on tails.

Calvin looked up at Hobbes. "What does that mean?"

Hobbes shrugged.

Calvin picked the quarter back up. "Should we go to Brown's General Store?" he demanded. "Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

He flipped it. It landed on heads.

He picked it back up. "Should we go to the grocery store? Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

He flipped it. It landed on heads.

Calvin picked it back up.

"Are you stupid?! Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

He flipped it. It landed on heads.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up at each other.

"I'm beginning to doubt the knowledge of the quarter," Hobbes said.

"Should we go to Brown's General Store?" Calvin said, picking the coin up and flipping it. "Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

It landed on tails.

"Grocery store!" Calvin said, grabbing it and flipping it. "Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

It landed on heads.

"So we should go to the grocery store?" Calvin said, picking the quarter up and flipping it, again. "Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

It landed on tails.

He picked it up. "Brown's General Store?" He said. "Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

Heads.

"Are you sure? Heads 'yes', tails 'no'."

Tails.

"Good lord in heaven!" Calvin roared.

He picked the quarter back up.

"Heads Brown's General Store!" He shouted. "Tails the grocery store!"

He threw the quarter into the air.

It clanked onto the floor, once again, and the two bent down to see what it landed on.

"What is it?" Calvin asked.

"Heads," Hobbes asked.

"So that means we go to Browns General Store, then," Calvin said, looking back up.

Hobbes nodded. "Yep, sounds like it."

"The quarter has spoken!" Calvin announced, picking the quarter back up, and putting it in his pocket. "Brown's General Store it is!"

"We should flip the penny, now, and see where it thinks we should go," Hobbes suggested.

"Good idea," Calvin said, snapping his fingers and taking out the penny.

"Penny, should we go to Brown's General Store, heads, or the grocery store, tails?"

He flipped it.

They looked down at the ground where it landed.

Tails.

"Blaspheme!" Calvin announced. "We're going to Brown's General Store!"

The two climbed down from the tree house.

"I feel like the right decision has been made."

And with that, the duo trotted off away from their house towards the town.

* * *

As they walked down the sidewalk towards town, they admired the interesting tranquility of the night. All of the lights in the houses were out, save for the street lights, the stars sprinkled the sky like a blanket while the half moon provided further light for the two to walk under. Crickets were in the background chirping quietly, halting their sounds only once Calvin and Hobbes strolled past. These, in addition to Calvin and Hobbes' own footsteps, were the only audible sounds in the area.

"Hmm," Calvin said, looking around. "General Store's a bit further than I remember. Wish we had a car."

"So how do you plan to get your driver's license, anyway?"

"As a matter of fact, I have the whole scenario planned out." Calvin said. "On my 14th birthday, I'm getting my mom to take me to the DMV to take the written test, I plan on passing with flying colors thus providing me with my driver's permit. This permit states that I can only drive a vehicle with a licensed adult in the car with me, as well. I must provide approximately 50 hours of time driving in the day in addition to 10 at night. My plan is to spend 4 straight days driving around in circles around my block with my Dad in the passenger's seat from 10 AM to 10 PM. Followed by one night of the exact same thing, except from 10 PM to 10AM. I plan to start drinking coffee at the age of ten; so that I'll be used to it's effects by 14 and will be able to drink it constantly throughout said night. I will then receive my restricted driver's license, which will allow me complete freedom in the car, except for after ten PM to nine AM. I then plan on bothering my parents for a car, until they finally relent and buy one for me. With any luck, it will be a giant monster truck with wheels bigger than the actual car itself."

Hobbes considered that.

"Interesting plan. How long did it take you to come up with it?" he asked.

"About ten minutes." Calvin nodded. "I started earlier tonight, very shortly after we started walking."

At that moment, as the two approached the local flea market, they noticed a black minivan sitting on the edge of the parking lot. It seemed strangely out of place in contrast to the fact that no other cars were in sight around it.

"How'd that get there?" Calvin asked, pointing at it.

Hobbes squinted at it. "I assume something parked it there."

Calvin shrugged. "I guess that would follow, wouldn't it? Is there anyone in it?"

"Can't tell, the windows are tinted."

Calvin looked away, now uninterested. "Ah, well, it's probably abandoned or something."

"Yeah, either that, or there's a grisly murder victim strapped inside or something."

"Yeah well, we'll retrieve the body and call the police after I get my darn candy bar."

"I agree," Hobbes said, holding his stomach. "Let's walk faster, I'm getting hungrier."

The two picked up the pace.

As they walked further away, neither of them noticed the headlights on the van flicker slightly in the darkness and the very faint movement seen from the driver's side.

* * *

Brown's General Store was a small store that had become a refuge for Calvin, Hobbes and their friends over the years. They relied on it as a place to go for a snack when Calvin's parents put the cookies under lock-down and surveillance. Of course, they'd never come so late at night before.

From across the street, Calvin stood on his toes, trying to get a look through the glass doors and into the store from that distance.

"Why aren't we going in?" Hobbes asked, trying to follow his friend's gaze.

"Because I'm trying to see who's running the cash register tonight," Calvin replied, trying to look closer without stepping onto the road.

"Does it matter? Won't they sell us the candy bars anyway?"

"Yeah, but I want to make sure the _good _clerk is on tonight. I'm not familiar with their nighttime schedule."

"The _good _clerk?" Hobbes repeated.

"Yeah, there's a small handful of people who work behind that desk, and most of them are okay, but there's this one guy who I just can't _stand_!"

"And he's the good clerk?"

"No, he's the _bad_ clerk! Pay attention!"

Hobbes sighed. He was beginning to wish he'd just gone to bed. "So what makes him the bad clerk?"

"He's this guy who's either in his late forties or early fifties. He's got thin graying hair, a goatee and he's probably an ex-roadie for Cheech and Chong. He's got less brain cells than a particularly bright doorknob, and he thinks he's still hip because he knows how to say 'dude'. He's so _patronizing_! I can't _stand _him!"

Hobbes nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose if you're a frequent customer to this store, you'd tend to get a bit frustrated by his antics on multiple visits."

"Exactly! If he's in there, we're going home."

"Seems a bit rash, doesn't it?"

"I don't care. I refuse to listen to his pseudo-southern drawl spout out 'hey, little dude' tonight!"

Hobbes looked through the windows around the store and tried to see if anyone was inside. Very little activity seemed to be occurring. Only a couple cars were parked in the parking lot, so there weren't very many people. One group was a family on vacation who'd probably come in the white van at the gas pump.

"I don't see anyone who looks like him. We'd have to go closer," he said at last.

"But we can't risk him seeing us! If he sees us, then he'll wave, and we'll either have to go in or run off, and if we run off, he's going to be suspicious of us every time we come back here!"

"Well, we can't just stand here all night! We've got to make a decision!"

They stood in frenzied contemplation for a few seconds before Calvin sighed. "Toss a coin?"

"Sure…"

Calvin reached into his pocket again and pulled out another coin. He examined it carefully.

"What is it?" Hobbes asked.

"It's a nickel. Hang on a minute, let me find something else…," he said, putting it back and digging around some more.

"What's wrong with nickels?"

"Nickels work for pennies."

"…Huh?"

Calvin sighed with frustration. "Nickels are basically hired thugs. Hired thugs hired by pennies! Whenever a penny needs influence in a decision somewhere, they get nickels to do the grunt work for them. Come on, Hobbes! Stay focused!"

Hobbes shook his head. "You're saying there's a coinage _mafia_?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Well, not _all _coins, obviously! Just pennies and nickels!"

"What about quarters?"

"They're neutral."

"Dimes?"

"They try to be honest, but sometimes the nickels gang up on them on behalf of the pennies. They lack physical stature, you see…"

"…Where did you learn all of this?"

"Online."

"Of course you did. So what's our best bet?"

"Our best bet would be the silver dollar. They're the most trustworthy coin in the entire world."

"But aren't they kind of rare?"

"Exactly! That kind of wisdom is hard to find, Hobbes. Why do you think people collect them?"

"Good point. And the half-dollar?"

"Almost as good, but they're not quite good enough."

"Why not?"

"Because they're only _half_ a dollar. They're not all there all the time."

Hobbes replayed this entire conversation in his head before deciding to let it go. "So what have you got?"

Calvin pulled his hand out and found a dime in his hand. "Well, I don't have any silver dollars, so this'll have to do. Okay, dime, do we approach the store and risk being seen by the bad clerk, or do we avoid the risk and just go home? Heads for the former, and tails for the latter."

Calvin flipped the dime into the air. They both watched it land on the sidewalk.

Heads.

They looked at each other.

"Looks like we're going for it," Calvin sighed.

"Best two out of three?" Hobbes suggested.

"Oh, let's not start that again! Let's just get this over with!"

Shrugging, Hobbes fell in step behind Calvin to the corner.

Thankfully, there were next to no cars tonight, so getting across wasn't a problem. They skidded into the parking lot and stood under one of the streetlights. They walked across the parking lot. Calvin had been right to be concerned. The place was rather bare. There was nothing to hide behind.

But then he spotted the dumpsters next to the building.

Motioning to Hobbes with a jerk of his head, he quickly ran behind them, making his friend followed in suit. They hid behind it and peeked around the side cautiously.

"What are we doing over here?" Hobbes asked.

"Trying to get a decent look without being spotted," Calvin replied. "I can see behind the counter from here. Just give it a minute."

They saw that the space behind the cash register was vacated for the moment.

"Why isn't there anyone behind the counter?" Hobbes whispered.

"Well, at night, there's probably only one person on staff. It's a small store. Not much to cover. Whoever's on tonight is probably checking on the restrooms or the supply room or something."

They waited in silence a little longer, listening to the distant chirping of crickets.

"…You ever wonder what fireflies are _really _up to?" Hobbes whispered.

Calvin turned to look at him incredulously. "What?"

"Well, their rears can't just light up just for _fun_! There must be some sort of reason. I wasn't born with claws just for the heck of it! They help me defend myself!"

Calvin glared at him. "Oh, so that's what you were doing to me this afternoon when you pounced me for no specific reason? You were 'defending yourself'?"

Hobbes blinked before smiling innocently. "No, I was just keeping my skills sharp. Very important, you know."

"Yeah, yeah… What are you doing getting on fireflies' cases anyway? So their butts light up? So what? What's your tail for?"

Hobbes looked at his tail momentarily. "Er… Decoration, I suppose…"

Calvin rolled his eyes before returning his gaze to the window.

"Somebody's there!" he announced.

"Who is it? Is it the bad clerk?"

"Nope! It's the good clerk! Come on!"

Hobbes looked through the window at the clerk behind the register. "Who is she? Is she nice?"

"Hmmm? Oh, heck, I don't know. I've never seen her before."

"But you called her the good clerk."

"Yeah, _any _clerk is the good clerk compared to the _bad _clerk."

Hobbes nodded at that "logic" as he opened the door for Calvin and let him in, as he was the one who could actually reach it.

* * *

The inside of the store was lit in bright fluorescent lights. As they passed through the double doors, they felt a sudden onslaught of strong air-conditioning spewing down on them that didn't stop until the doors were shut.

Calvin exchanged an acknowledging glance with the girl behind the counter. She was a rather pudgy woman in her late twenties with dyed black hair and a nose stud on her left nostril. She was thumbing absently through a magazine.

They headed towards the candy bar section, looking at all the colorful wrappers with their respective logos looking back at them temptingly.

"So, which one do you want?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes looked at the selection studiously. "I don't know. There's so much to choose from…"

"I know. They should really be working on a way to blend certain candy bars into one hybrid candy species."

"Like…?"

"Well, something to take the chocolaty goodness of a Hershey Bar, mixed with the wafers of a Kit-Kat bar, with the crispiness of a Crunch Bar, and blended with the _white_-chocolaty goodness of a Cookies & Cream bar, and maybe a touch of Smarties for zest."

Hobbes nodded thoughtfully. "That _does_ sound good."

"Yeah. We should get Dad to patent that for us."

They looked at all the candy bars three times each, mentally listing the pros and cons of each one before they finally made their decisions and took the candy from the shelves. Their minds made up, they headed for the counter.

The family on vacation had gotten there first.

Annoyingly enough, the parents were letting the kids pay for their own snacks with their allowance money, and apparently their kids weren't that good at counting money yet. Understandable, as they were all probably Calvin's age, but annoying nevertheless.

The first child was a little girl who wanted to get a package of snack cakes with a bottle of soda. She was dutifully putting the money on the counter, standing on her tiptoes. She laid out a five-dollar bill, but she wanted to use correct change as well.

Calvin absently looked at his watch.

The girl was counting mentally as she lined up the various quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. As she arranged them on the counter, she stopped, looked doubtful and looked up at the clerk again.

"How much was it again?" she asked, lisping around her missing front teeth.

The clerk smiled politely, although clearly her patience was running a bit thin. "Four dollars and twenty-three cents," she said.

The girl nodded and started over. "Let's see…," she said, lisping again. "That's…_two_ dimes…right?" She looked to her parents for verification.

They nodded encouragingly.

She returned to the coins. "…And then…how many is that…? Twenty cents?"

"Yes, it is," the clerk replied.

"Okay… How about…? How many pennies?"

Calvin clenched his eyes shut. "_Always _the pennies," he hissed at Hobbes.

"Three pennies," the clerk said.

"Okay," the girl said, slowly and deliberately pushing forward the individual coins. "_On-n-n-n-ne_… _Two-o-o-o-o-o_… _Three_!"

"Very good," the clerk said, sounding a little relieved. She put the money in the cash register, handed the girl her treats, and then passed on her change as well.

As the girl walked away, pleased she could finally have a Twinkie, her younger brother, probably four, walked up to the counter with a single candy bar and a can of soda.

The clerk quickly rang them up. "Okay, that's $3.14," she said.

The boy nodded and dug into his pockets, going through them eagerly. He carefully read each bill, filing through them, looking for a few singles. Calvin could tell from over this kid's shoulder that he was saving his money for something big because he mostly had a few tens and fives in there.

Finally, the boy found a few one-dollar bills and placed them upon the counter, having to reach up even higher than his taller sister. The clerk took the four dollars and proceeded to make change.

"You should use exact change, you know," his sister piped up, her mouth now full of Twinkie.

"She can just give me the change," her brother replied coolly.

Calvin sighed with relief.

The clerk handed the boy his change and his snacks, and he left with his family, doused in another burst of frantic air-conditioning as they passed through the doors.

Calvin approached the counter and reached up to place the candy bars on the counter.

The clerk scanned them. "You're up late to be out here with your tiger," she remarked, tapping in some commands for the cash register. "Are your parents waiting for you?"

"We only live a few blocks down," Calvin replied. "They won't notice a thing."

The clerk shrugged. "I hope you're right," she said. "I don't want the police to be coming in here tomorrow morning to report a lost child and his tiger."

"Don't worry yourself. I've lived here my whole life. I know this neighborhood like the back of my hand."

"Three twenty-five."

Calvin looked at her. "Huh?"

"The candy bars: they're three dollars and twenty-five cents."

"Oh! Right…" Calvin dug around in his pockets and pulled out an assortment of bills. "Just take what you need from that and give me the change."

The clerk went through the bills and found the desired amount. She put them in the cash register and pulled out his change. She handed him a handful of coins, including one particular.

"Here, you can have this one: silver dollar," she said, pointing out the coin specifically.

Calvin's eyes widened as he admired the coin. "The silver dollar," he breathed. "The single most trustworthy of all coins."

"Been saving that one," the clerk said. "Hang onto that. It might be worth something someday."

"Yeah, thanks," Calvin said, lost in a state of mystic wonder as he absently took the candy bars and headed for the door with Hobbes trailing behind him.

The girl chuckled and shook her head, absently reaching for her tenth free doughnut of the night. _Darn employee discount_, she thought.

* * *

They were struck by the blast of air-conditioning once more as they passed through the double glass doors and into the warm night air. They proceeded to unwrap their candy bars and munched on them as they walked across the parking lot.

"Ready to go?" Calvin asked.

"The night, she awaits," Hobbes replied.

They crossed to the other side, looked both ways for cars, and then they scurried across to the sidewalk.

"The neighborhood is so different at night," Calvin said, looking around at all the darkened houses. "It's so totally devoid of life and activity. Usually there're people outside mowing the lawn or having a barbecue or having yard sales – "

"Or sunbathing," Hobbes added.

"Yeah, or… Huh?"

"Nothing."

Calvin looked at him suspiciously before carrying on. "What I'm saying is, after seeing this place so alive, it's kind of a shock to see it so lifeless. Almost everywhere you go, you can hear people, radios, and all kinds of engines. When you're actually confronted with the stillness of nature, it's kind of startling."

Hobbes nodded, looking around the area fondly. "Why, you can even hear yourself think," he remarked.

"This is making me nervous. Let's go home."

"Oh, I don't know. The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it."

They walked in silence down the sidewalk, taking in the night air.

"Stars are out tonight," Hobbes said suddenly, looking up at the sky.

"Yeah…," Calvin said, gazing up as well. "I'll bet you that if people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, they'd live their lives a lot differently."

"How so?"

"Well, when you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day."

Hobbes thought about that. "You know, we spent _our _day looking under rocks in the creek."

Calvin waved him off. "I mean _other _people."

"Ah."

"Still, I'm hoping the humidity goes down. The only reason we made it out today is because Dad had a mid-life crisis again and kicked us out of the house."

"Yeah, what's his deal? He goes through the same ritual every day of every summer!"

"Right, first he peeks into the room to see what we're doing."

"Then he starts pacing around the room behind the chair."

"We studiously ignore him."

"Of course."

"And then he starts asking us rhetorical questions that I answer to the best of my abilities."

"And then we find out that his questions aren't very rhetorical."

"Then he turns off the TV, picks us up and hurls me out of the house."

"Didn't he drop-kick you once?"

"No, that was Mom, and it was because I wouldn't stop singing that Christmas commercial jingle."

"Right…"

"Dad's just bitter because he works in a patent office all day long, yakking on the phone and filling out forms and requisitions and junk. He can't go outside and play like we can, so he forces it on us so that he can live out his fantasies of being my age again."

"Sad, really," Hobbes sighed.

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to being his age."

They walked in silence for a little longer, munching on their candy bars. Once they finished, they found they were stuck with two candy bar wrappers in their hands.

"So what do we do with these?" Hobbes asked.

"Er…," Calvin said, looking around. "I'm not sure. We can't use the wastebasket in our room. Mom changes the trash, and she'll see them, and she'll know we went out last night."

"How will she know that? We could've gone out at any time."

"She'll know, Hobbes. _All _mothers know, one way or another. They know all and see all."

Hobbes shivered. "Wow, that actually gave me chills," he said, looking over his shoulder cautiously.

"Yeah, she must have her own satellite system. We have to be careful where we step."

"So what do we do with out wrappers?"

"I don't know… Man, there really need to be more public wastebaskets. Wouldn't that be handy? Imagine driving along on the side of the road, you can toss your trash into a roadside waste bin."

"Yeah… With appropriate recycling bins included, of course."

"Of course."

"Can you hide them anywhere? Maybe hide them somewhere, like your backpack? Then you can throw them away at school tomorrow."

"Seems like a lot of trouble, but it might be worth a try."

So Hobbes gave Calvin his candy bar wrapper, and he put them both in his pockets for now.

They were passing the flea market again at this point.

They both noticed half-heartedly that the mini-van was still there.

"Should we check for dead bodies?" Hobbes asked.

"Nah, it's getting late. Let's just go home," Calvin replied, remaining focused.

So they carried on past the mini-van for a few more feet.

And that's when it happened.

The headlights turned on, casting a huge beam of light over the two friends, causing them to freeze like criminals in a spotlight, watching their shadows stretch out in front of them.

They stood there, frozen like deer, unable to work out what to do, not daring to look back over their shoulders.

"What should we do?" Hobbes hissed.

"Don't turn around. You never know. One look and we might die," Calvin muttered.

"Don't make this anymore stressful then it already is. What could someone in a mini-van want with us?"

"Maybe they're assassins. Start walking again. Don't look back."

Calvin started walking ahead, but Hobbes was petrified now. "Assassins?!" he repeated. "Who would want to assassinate _us_?!"

"Lot's of people, really, or maybe they're just thugs looking for some easy kill to sate their bloodlust."

"What?!"

"Or maybe they're out for money."

"But you've only got a couple bucks on you!"

"They don't know that."

"You're just a kid!"

"You think that matters to most thugs? Don't you watch the local news?"

They were walking still, but now they were walking very stiffly.

"So you think they're going to shoot us?" Hobbes whispered.

"Maybe. They might not even stop. They'll just take a couple of shots and get us as they drive by. What's that called again?"

"Drive-by shooting?"

"That's it."

Hobbes growled. "Well, at least I'll be avenged in some way. Tigers are an endangered species. They'll have PETA on these thugs faster than a whippet!"

"Good for you. Now let's get out of here. I can see the corner come up. We need to cross the street, and then we'll go down our street. They won't be able to see us."

"Unless they follow us."

"I don't think they're up for a chase. We'd have heard the engine turn on by now."

"If they're not up for a chase, how can they perform a drive-by shooting?"

"I don't know. I'm not a thug. If only Moe were here, he'd be able to tell us."

"If Moe were here, he'd beat us up and steal your money."

"Oh, yeah, right."

"Well, I don't hear an engine starting up yet, so maybe we're okay."

_**VROOM!**_

They both tried not to jump out of their skin at the sound of the mini-van's engine starting up. Their eyes met through their eye sockets' corners.

"We're _not _okay," Hobbes mumbled. "In fact, I'd go so far as to say that we're _very much _not okay."

"Oh, very, _very _much not okay," agreed Calvin.

"That too."

"What do we do?"

"Maybe we should just keep walking. There's a fifty-fifty chance that they're just motorists having car trouble or can't find their place on their gas station map."

"That _is _a possibility. A very _boring _possibility, but a possibility nonetheless."

"Right."

So they kept walking, both very shaky.

They heard the car coming up behind them. The moving headlights caused their shadows to slowly retract towards them.

"… Are we gonna get shot?" Hobbes whispered.

"That's a possibility as well," Calvin hissed back.

And now the car was almost right behind them.

"Do we make a break for it?"

"No, no, come on, Hobbes. Death with dignity might be the way to go."

"How about death _without _death?"

"Man, you're strangely existential when you're nervous."

And they both knew that there was no time for an escape. They closed their eyes tightly and kept walking, waiting for something to happen.

They felt a wind blow past them as the mini-van tore past them.

They opened their eyes.

They were alive.

"Phew!" Hobbes said. "God bless lost motorists!"

"After what they just put us through?" Calvin snapped. "I hope they _never _get where they're going!"

They watched the car peeling past their corner, gathering speed as it started to head downhill.

"Man, they're going a bit over the speed limit, aren't they?" Hobbes remarked.

"Yeah, what's their deal?"

And then they heard the disturbing sound of tires screeching on the road as the van skidded to a stop.

_**SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECHCHCHCH!**_

The car stopped, its red brake lights lighting up eerily like evil red eyes.

Calvin and Hobbes stopped and stared.

They couldn't hear anything. It was deathly quiet. The van had stopped just past the last streetlight on that street, so those red brake lights were the only thing of the vehicle that they could see.

"What are they doing? Can you see?" Calvin asked.

"Not from here," Hobbes replied. "Come on, let's get to our corner and get out of here."

They were just ten yards away from their corner, so they picked up the pace and headed for it. But their eyes never left the taillights of the van, which they noticed was bouncing around on its shocks every few seconds.

Finally, they made it to their corner. They were just about to cross over to the other side when they heard a disturbing noise.

The sound of a car door opening and closing.

They looked down the street at the van, and they _knew _they could hear footsteps stomping on the pavement.

"What do we do now?" Hobbes hissed.

Calvin was shaking, he was so nervous. "Okay, I have an idea."

"What's that?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver dollar that the clerk had given him. "We consult the wisest of all coins, the silver dollar, on what to do about this extremely hazardous situation."

"I hope that coin lives up to its reputation."

Calvin could hear the footsteps echoing around the neighborhood, but he still couldn't see anyone. He gulped softly and consulted the coin.

"Okay, silver dollar, o' wisest of all coins in all the land, I ask you humbly but urgently: do we go and confront whoever it is in that mini-van, be they friend or foe, or do we run home and hide and wait for morning to come and save us? Heads for the former, tails for the latter."

And with that, he flipped the coin into the air.

They both watched it fly up above them, and then it landed on the sidewalk.

Tails.

They stared at it.

Hobbes broke the silence. "Truly the wisest coin in the land."

"Indeed. Let's vamoose," Calvin agreed, snatching up the coin.

And they tore across the crosswalk and onto the sidewalk on the other side.

They ran as fast as they could, not looking back, running as fast as they could back on their own sidewalk. They passed the various houses, all darkened and devoid of life, adding an extra amount of terror to their already pretty powerful fear.

"Nearly there… Nearly there…," Calvin panted.

They thudded down the sidewalk and spotted their mailbox. They ran up the driveway, and then they tore around into the backyard.

Finally, they were climbing up the rope ladder into the tree house. Once they were inside, they pulled the ladder up again, and they ducked down.

They just lay there, gasping for breath, listening quietly for a full minute.

The crickets just chirped in perfect harmony as if nothing had happened.

"What do we do now?" Calvin whispered.

"Well, for starters," Hobbes gasped, "we could restart my heart."

They sat in silence a little longer.

"Do you think they followed us?" Calvin asked.

"Hang on, I'll take a peek."

Hobbes slowly lifted his head up above the edge of the tree house and had a look around. He didn't see the minivan on the road. No cars at all. Not even the distant sound of an engine.

"I don't think they're coming. I think we got away," he reported.

"Good," Calvin said, sighing with great relief as he sat up straight. "Man, I thought walking at night was supposed to be relaxing."

"That's the thing about nighttime," Hobbes replied. "It's dark, and that impairs your vision. When one of your senses is impaired, it tends to throw you off, and you become more aware of everything else with your other senses."

"Really?"

"Or words to that effect, yes."

"Boy, what a night."

They looked over at the house where their rope of bed sheets still hung from the window.

"Do you think the monsters are gone?" Hobbes asked.

"I hope so. After all that, I could do with a nice warm bed."

They climbed down the rope ladder and then up the bed sheet one. They made it into their house, and they crawled across into their bed.

"How do we make sure they're gone?" Hobbes whispered.

"Hang on, I have an idea."

Calvin pulled the candy wrappers out of his pocket and held them out over the edge of the bed. He waited a few seconds before he released them.

In an instant, a long pair of hairy arms reached out and snatched the wrappers out of midair, before vanishing back into the bed's depths.

"Is this them?" a voice said.

"I don't think this is them," a second voice said, sounding disappointed.

"Well, this'll tide me over for the night," a third voice said. "Let's just eat these and come back tomorrow night."

"Good enough for me," the first voice agreed.

And then the voices were gone, and the bed shook momentarily before they were gone.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"…Well, they're gone now," Calvin said at last.

"Good. Let's get some sleep. We've got some serious treasure hunting to do tomorrow."

"Quite right. Goodnight, ol' buddy."

"Goodnight."

And with that, they rolled over, snuggled into their pillows, and felt themselves drifting off to sleep.

**THE END**

* * *

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Bill Murray: **Dad / Monster 1

**Daveigh Chase: **Clerk / Little Girl / Monster 2

**Tom Kenny: **Monster 3 / Monster 4


	6. Mirror rorriM Two

**Author's Notes: **_This is a semi-sequal to the Season 3 episode, "Mirror rorriM", which was written when I was about seventeen, and therefore, I despise. The original episode has next to no logic and is rather lazily written. This was written to make myself feel better. It's a more straight parody of the "Star Trek" episode, and it's marginally better than the original. But then, I hate everything I write, so I'll leave the matter of its quality to you, the reader._

* * *

_The tiger (Panthera tigris), a member of the Felidae family, is the largest of the four "big cats" in the genus Panthera. The tiger is native to much of eastern and southern Asia, and is an apex predator and an obligate carnivore. The larger tiger subspecies are comparable in size to the biggest extinct felids, reaching up to 3.3 meters (11 ft) in total length, weighing up to 300 kilograms (660 pounds), and having canines up to 4 inches long. Aside from their great bulk and power, their most recognizable feature is a pattern of dark vertical stripes that overlays near-white to reddish-orange fur, with lighter underparts. The most numerous tiger subspecies is the Bengal tiger, while the largest is the Siberian tiger._

"Pure, outrageous dribble!" Hobbes declared. "I've seen hundreds of Bengal tigers way larger than any wimpy Siberian!"

He, Calvin, Socrates, MTM, Andy and Sherman were all down in Sherman's lab, apparently helping with something. Earlier before Sherman had informed them to wait while he collected his previous experiment and the gang was currently passing the time by looking up articles on Wikipedia.

"Yep, totally." Socrates grinned. "Way bigger, huh?"

"You're not one of them," Hobbes said.

"You're just saying that because you're jealous!" Socrates announced.

Calvin and Andy rolled their eyes.

"Alright, hang on," Calvin said. "Let me try looking up something else."

"Try lion," Andy suggested.

"Excellent," Calvin said, typing into the computer.

_The lion (Panthera leo) is one of the four big cats in the genus Panthera, and a member of the family Felidae. With some males exceeding 250 kg (550 lb) in weight, it is the second-largest living cat after the tiger. _

"Yep! I'm done!" Socrates said, standing up. "That's all I needed to hear."

"Yep, me too." Hobbes nodded. "Tigers are awesome! Moving on!"

"You know, Andy, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have more friends like you who don't judge different species of cat," Calvin said.

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Wait, I know!" Socrates said. "My infinite knowledge of pop culture will give you another article to look up!"

Everybody turned and stared, barely interested, while Socrates tapped his chin in thought and stared at the ceiling. Finally, he looked back down at the group.

"Look up Wikipedia!" he ordered.

Everyone stared at him.

"We really need something else to do," MTM said.

At that moment, Sherman emerged from a tiny door off to the side of the lab. He was wearing his usual lab coat while holding a clipboard out in front of him.

"Alright guys, enough fooling around. We have work to do."

"I beg to differ," Hobbes said, not looking away from the computer screen. "We've been very busy while you've been hiding in your little office."

Sherman stared at the computer. "Wikipedia?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, Wikipedia's cool!" Socrates grinned. "I made an account on it, last week. The only problem is that no one here wants to see how I revamped the entries for Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj!"

"Whatever," Sherman grumbled. "Anyway. I have a specific job for all of you. I need Andy to bring the chemicals to me that I'm going to mix and Calvin and Socrates have to watch the results and statistics on the monitor."

"What do I do?" Hobbes asked.

"You stand back and don't break anything."

Hobbes glared at Sherman. "Oh _you're_ cool."

"What?" Sherman asked, barely interested.

"You call me all the way over here just to exclude me from your stupid experiment?"

"I never called you over. I called Calvin. He just happened to bring you along."

Hobbes growled and gritted his teeth at Sherman.

"Now, now," Andy said, putting his hand on Hobbes' chest. "This is a peaceful area. Hobbes, you can help me figure out which chemicals he's talking about. Shermie, be nice to the tiger that's five times your size, please."

Sherman rolled his eyes.

Hobbes glared at the hamster and followed Andy off to the table where Sherman had all his beakers and vials.

Calvin and Socrates watched them walked off.

Socrates turned a giant grin onto Calvin. "Aren't you glad we don't fight like that?" he grinned.

Calvin glared at Socrates. "Don't talk to me," he warned.

Socrates shrugged and looked the other way.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, this is going to end in bloodshed," MTM commented.

"Alright," Sherman said, examining his clipboard and ignoring MTM's comment. "Andy, there's a small rock of element 115 in the drawer below you. I need you to get it for me."

"Element 115?" Andy asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"That doesn't sound very safe," Socrates said.

Sherman sighed. "Yeah, that's why we have gloves," he grumbled. Andy rolled his eyes and grabbed a pair of gloves off the desk. He pulled open a drawer, reached in and pulled out a slightly glowing red rock.

"Put it over by the work desk," Sherman said, writing on the clipboard. "Try not to let it touch your skin, it's slightly acidic."

"Oh you're all about safety, aren't you?" Hobbes growled.

"It's not acidic enough to cause any lasting damage, kitty!" Sherman said, indignantly. "It only burns a little bit to the point of discomfort. You really think I'd put you guys in that kind of danger?"

"Yes," Hobbes grumbled.

"Well, I'm not."

Andy sighed and carried the 115 over to the desk across the room.

"What _is_ 115, anyway?" Calvin asked.

"A very unstable element that I've been studying." Sherman said. "Unstable in the fact that it can technically only exist for fifteen nanoseconds, which I find peculiar, because this rock fell from space back in 1945 and is still here, today."

"Where'd you get it?" MTM asked.

"Ebay."

There was a moment of silence.

"I can see that," Socrates nodded.

"Anyway," Sherman said. "Calvin, what does the monitor say?"

Calvin threw a glance at the monitor. "It says 85.96." He said.

There was a pause.

Sherman looked up at Calvin. "That's it?"

"Well, there's an asterisk after the numbers."

"Ah," Sherman said, writing on the pad. "OK, Andy, bring me the vial of liquid oxygen. We're going to attempt to freeze it."

Andy shrugged and picked a vial off the counter marked LIQUID OXYGEN and handed it to Hobbes.

Sherman jumped up to the work desk where the 115 was sitting in a small metal pan.

Hobbes uninterestedly handed Sherman the liquid oxygen, which Sherman in turn poured on the rock.

_PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!_

Everyone looked down at it; it looked completely unchanged.

There was a moment of silence.

Sherman shrugged. "Well, that didn't work. OK, new plan, we're going to put it through the scanner to see what is binding the chemicals together."

"Do these experiments have _any _general purpose?" Hobbes complained.

"Of course! We're trying to find out what makes this rock tick! It's a scientific phenomenon!"

"Fascinating," Socrates said with a sigh. "What else do you need?"

"I need you to get the petroleum jelly off the shelf behind you."

"What do you need jelly for?"

"It helps the scanning process. Get it, please."

"Well, only because you asked me so nicely…," Socrates said with a grin.

He turned around and immediately spied the jar in question on the shelf above him. He looked over at Calvin.

"Calvin, pass the petroleum jelly, please," he said pleasantly.

Calvin glared at him. "He told _you _to get it."

"I know, but I want you to _pass it _to me."

"It's too high for me to reach! You can get easier than I can!"

"Now, now, Calvin, no need to bring your personal deficiencies into this…"

"_You're_ gonna have some new personal deficiencies in a minute…"

"Alright, alright, enough!" Andy shouted. "Socrates, get the dang jelly down, please!"

Socrates paused for a moment groaning in annoyance and grabbing the jar of jelly down from the shelf. He thumped it down hard on the table next to Sherman. Calvin smirked triumphantly.

"Honestly, I only asked for a single jar, and you people get in a fight over _that_," Sherman said irritably.

"True," Calvin said, "but then again, you and Hobbes were arguing last week about whether or not a tiger could leap across a fifty foot ravine."

"Can too," Hobbes muttered.

"Can not," Sherman retorted.

"If you guys want to resolve that now, I can _make _a fifty foot ravine for Hobbes to jump over," MTM interrupted. "Just a simple matter of cutting one in the ground somewhere."

"I'm not having you cut a fifty foot ravine into my lab's nice clean floor."

"Oh, I'd seal it back up once we finished."

"Oh. Well…"

Everyone looked at Hobbes, who looked back at them warily.

"Er… That's fine. Why don't we just get one with the so-called experiment?"

Sherman glared at him, but said no more on the subject. He put on some tiny gloves and then opened the jar of jelly. As he started smearing it all over the 115, he addressed Andy. "Switch on the scanner, will you?"

Andy headed over to the large scanner and pressed the start button. The machine roared into life and began humming.

"Okay, now place the 115 in the scanner," Sherman continued.

Andy took the glowing red rock and placed it carefully down a slot. They could see it touch down on an internal platform on a monitor connected to the machine.

"Now what?" Calvin asked.

"Now we need to look at the readouts and see what they say."

"Anything else?"

"We need to examine the chemicals that bind the rock together, so we'll need to try and extract some samples from the rock's surface and scan them individually."

"How do we do that?"

"With steady nerves and some decent tweezers."

"Brilliant," Hobbes muttered sarcastically.

Sherman ignored him and approached the machine. He climbed up onto a stool and took hold a small joystick that was connected to it.

"Alright, Calvin, I need you to read out the numbers on the screens. Andy, press the green button when I tell you. Socrates, don't break anything. Hobbes, watch the monitor for any change in activity."

Hobbes cast a cursory glance in the monitor's direction, but the rock wasn't really doing anything except sitting and glowing. Shrugging, he glanced at the open Wikipedia article again.

Sherman twisted the joystick around a bit, and as he had said, a pair of tweezers came down and grazed the side of the rock, plucking at something. He turned them to the side and opened them.

"Okay, one sample should have just dropped down on test pad. Calvin, what are those numbers saying?"

"512.35623," Calvin replied.

"Alright, Andy, press the green button."

Andy pressed, looking bored already.

Calvin was surprised when the numbers suddenly started changing. "Er, now it says 45324.27."

"Good, good, all on the right track," Sherman said, taking a moment to jot down the numbers on a clipboard.

"You could've just had _me _scan it," MTM said suddenly, reminding them all that he was still in the room. "I'd have done it by now and given you all the jumbles of numbers you needed."

"I prefer to do things with _my _equipment, thank you."

"Why's that?"

"So that I can know it's being done right."

"Oh brother," Hobbes muttered, not looking at them.

"Watch the monitor, cat!"

Hobbes threw another glance at the monitor, but the rock didn't look any different than before. "It's fine. Relax," he grumbled.

Sherman glared at him, and then he twisted the joystick again, sending the tweezers back to the rock. He plucked at it a second time, and then moved the tweezers over towards the next test pad.

"Andy, press the button," he grunted.

Andy pressed the button.

Calvin watched the numbers change on the screen. "34325667.325," he said.

Sherman began writing them down. "34325667.325? Fascinating."

"I'm glad one of us thinks so," Calvin sighed.

While this was going on, Socrates had been watching them all intently, but now his attention span was dwindling, and he was looking around curiously. His eyes fell on the monitor with the rock on it. He was just thinking about how odd it looked when he realized it was letting off steam now.

Socrates cleared his throat. "Er, Sherman…?"

"Not now. I'm busy," Sherman said testily, trying to move the joystick again. "How's the 115 looking, Hobbes?"

"Just _dandy_. Same as before," Hobbes said, not even looking this time.

Socrates looked a bit worried now. It _wasn't _the same as before.

"Actually, I think it looks a bit – "

"Be quiet, Socrates, you're breaking my concentration," Calvin said, trying to read the jumbles of numbers on the screen.

"What are the numbers, Calvin?"

"4467578088.782."

"Now that _is _interesting."

"Sure it is."

Socrates looked at the monitor again. Now he was certain something was wrong. A tiny column of red steam was shooting out of the 115 like a geyser, and now that he took a moment to look around, he saw that it was coming out of the slot it had been placed down.

"Sherman, I know you're busy right now – "

"Then shut up and stop bothering me!"

" – but there's something you should know!"

"Andy, press the button again."

Andy absently pressed the button again, not noticing the column of red smoke pouring out over his head.

Socrates watched where the red smoke was going, and saw that it was heading towards a shelf of open test tubes, and they were all full of different chemicals.

"How's it looking now, Hobbes?" Sherman asked, gearing up for another go.

"Same as before," Hobbes replied, now looking at a web page about the location of female tigers and wondering how much a plane ticket would cost right now.

Sherman moved the tweezers towards the rock again. They poked and prodded around the sides until it got something else that no one could see and dropped it down on another test pad.

Socrates was worried. Now the steam was shooting out even more, and a dark red cloud now hung over the chemicals, starting to get inside the test tubes.

"What are the numbers now?" Sherman asked.

"77658326.45788," Calvin replied.

"Wow! They just keep climbing!"

"They sure do."

"Sherman, what's in those test tubes up there?" Socrates asked nervously.

"Dangerous stuff. Don't touch them," Sherman replied, not looking up.

"I'm not touching them, but I think the 115 is going to try."

"Huh?"

Finally, everyone looked up. They saw the red cloud coming out of the machine, and they saw the chemicals they were reaching for.

Sherman's eyes widened. "How long has it been doing that?!" he demanded.

"About a minute and a half now," Socrates replied, "but sorry to interrupt the flow of science!"

"Hobbes, why'd you say everything was fine?" Andy demanded.

"It was!" Hobbes replied, standing very deliberately in front of the computer screen. "I mean, I thought it was! I wasn't sure! I was… Oh come on, what were the odds that one of Vermin's experiments would have any merit to it?"

Sherman glared at him.

"So what do we do now?" Socrates asked.

"What do those chemicals do, exactly?" Calvin asked.

"On their own, probably nothing. Mixed with chemicals from a dangerous rock, I'm not sure."

"Then maybe we should, for lack of a better phrase, beat cheeks?" Andy suggested.

"Novel idea. Let's be off," Hobbes said.

They all started to leave, but just as they were passing by, the test tubes on the wall suddenly exploded, sending broken glass everywhere, and forcing them all to take cover.

"What was that?" Calvin cried.

"Look at _that_!" Andy exclaimed.

They all looked up and saw that the red cloud from the rock was absorbing several other clouds from the chemicals. They were all banding together to form a super cloud, and then the cloud began shooting off lighting everywhere, and then a powerful wind picked up.

"What the heck is going on?" Socrates shouted.

Sherman was stunned. "That's impossible! That's completely impossible!"

"Whatever it is, it's happening, so I think it _is _rather possible!" Hobbes snapped. "What _is it_?"

"It's an ion storm!"

"What's an ion storm?" Andy asked.

"An ion storm is a charged and potentially dangerous magnetic storm!"

"Oh, good, I was worried it was something _serious_," Socrates grumbled. "What do we do?"

"We need to get out of here!"

But the ion storm was growing in size, and it was getting windier by the second, picking them all up and throwing them around the room. They were soon lost, swirling around in the giant thick red cloud, bumping into each other once in a while.

Fortunately, Calvin managed to wrap his fingers around the MTM. "MTM, we need you to get us out of here! Teleport us! Now!"

But MTM's reply wasn't entirely reassuring. "The have messed systems seems to ion with my storm. I onto lock of you all can't."

Calvin stared worriedly. "Er, just do what you can. Get us out of here!"

"Kay-o."

MTM revved for a moment, and then there was a flash of light.

* * *

A few moments later, Calvin opened his eyes again. He found himself staring up at the bright blue sky. Birds flew overhead. Clouds were rolling by. He could hear the sounds of people in the distance and cars driving past.

He rolled over and saw the MTM lying a few feet away from him.

"MTM? Are you okay?"

MTM cleared his voice chip. "Testing, testing, one, two, buckle my shoe," he said. "Yep, I'm good."

"Good. Now let's see…"

Calvin took in his surroundings. They were still in the same neighborhood. He could see his own house just down the street. And then he looked around for the others.

He saw Andy starting to come to, rubbing his forehead in pain.

He saw Socrates was going into a series of cat-like stretches near the shrubbery.

But that was it.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked.

"Think so," Andy said, getting to his feet. "Just a little dizzy."

"That teleportation energy always makes my fur poof out," Socrates grumbled, trying to smooth it back down again.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and then looked around for any sign of Hobbes or Sherman.

But there was none.

"Guys, where's Hobbes?" he asked worriedly.

Andy looked around. "Where's Sherman?" he asked, growing concerned.

Socrates examined the area, and he too began to grow worried. "Where's my rubber chicken?" he asked, starting to panic.

Calvin and Andy stared at him. "Your what?" Calvin asked.

"My rubber chicken is missing! It's not here!"

"You didn't have a rubber chicken with you in the lab," Andy pointed out.

"Nonsense! I _always _have a rubber chicken on me! What happened?"

"MTM, where're Hobbes and Sherman?" Calvin demanded.

"I tried telling you before. The ion storm screwed up my circuitry. I couldn't lock onto all of you. I did what I could."

"You mean Hobbes and Sherman are still down there?" Andy demanded.

"Afraid so. I wouldn't panic, though. Provided they took cover, I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Well, let's go see," Calvin said, heading for the front door.

"Er, guys?" Socrates said, holding out a hand to stop him. "I think we made a wrong turn while we were teleporting."

"What do you mean?"

"Look around you. Doesn't this look a bit odd?"

"What are you talking about? This is our neighborhood!"

"No, really _look_. Something's a bit off."

Calvin and Andy observed the street carefully, and once they did, it all became very clear.

Just past all that looked normal, they could make out the oddities. For a start, a red wagon suddenly came bucketing down the sidewalk, and riding in it were Mom and Dad, who were whooping and hollering as they struggled to bring it under control. They zoomed down the street until they made it to their house, where they swung around the mailbox and vanished behind the fence to their backyard.

"Well, that was odd," Andy remarked.

"Something's definitely wrong," Calvin said. "Dad would never go for riding in the wagon. It doesn't build character! He only likes crashing his bicycle! MTM, what's going on?"

"I've just done a scan of this universe, and I think it might not be ours," MTM replied.

"Huh?"

"The ion storm must've opened a rift in the space time continuum. We're not in our universe anymore. In fact, I'd say we've swapped places with our interdimensional counterparts, and are now trapped here."

"So then our other selves are…?" Calvin asked, fearing he already knew the answer.

* * *

Hobbes and Sherman came crawling out from under a work desk, feeling dizzy from their latest misadventure.

"Is it gone? Please tell me it's gone," Hobbes moaned, rubbing his sore head.

"Yeah, it's gone. It ran out of energy and dissipated," Sherman said, looking around the lab.

"Is everyone okay?"

They looked around for signs of life, but found only overturned chairs and tables and scattered papers.

"What a mess," Sherman moaned. "Where is everyone?"

Hobbes listened carefully for signs of movement before his eyes finally flitted over towards an operating blanket that was shivering slightly, but it had a very distinct spiky shape.

"Well, there's one of them," he said with a grin.

He walked over towards the shaking blanket and proceeded to pull it off the individual.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling it away.

As he did so, he revealed Calvin sitting underneath, taking a defensive stance. "DON'T TOUCH ME! _DON'T TOUCH ME_!" he yelled fearfully.

"Whoa, hey, easy, you're fine," Hobbes said, surprised by the fearful reaction. "What's wrong?"

"It wasn't my fault! You can't blame any of this on me!" Calvin continued, still shielding himself. "Don't hurt me!"

"I… I'm not going to hurt you. What's wrong?"

"Must be shock," Sherman said. "We all took quite a spill. Where're the others?"

"Where the heck _is _that rat?" a familiar voice called out.

"Hamster!" Sherman shouted automatically, and then it dawned on him who had said it.

Andy was struggling out from under the rubble, glaring at him. "Look what you did now, you idiot!" he yelled. "You almost got us killed again! I'm surprised Hobbes doesn't just eat you right here and now!"

Sherman stared in shock. "What…?" he asked, sounding very hurt.

At that moment, Socrates chose that moment to reveal himself by dropping unceremoniously from the ceiling and landed neatly on the table on all fours in a cat-like fashion. He looked around curiously.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" he murmured, looking around.

"Socrates, are you okay?" Hobbes asked.

"Hmmm? I believe so, _Hobbo_. I believe so. Just caught an updraft and got wedged between the rafters. Quite all right now, though. You alright, Cally?"

Calvin looked confused by the nickname, but after looking at Socrates for a moment, he nodded. "Er, yes, _Socrates_, I'm fine."

Hobbes and Sherman looked at their friends in silent contemplation.

"So everyone's alright then?" Hobbes asked at last. "Andy? How about you?"

Andy seemed to think for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, Hobbes, I'm fine, thanks. Sorry for exploding like that, _Shermie_, don't know what came over me."

"…Right," Sherman said, narrowing his eyes. "I forgive you."

Calvin shakily got his feet and tried to put on a smile. "So what now?" he asked. "Shall we start clearing up this mess?"

"Don't see why we should," Socrates snorted, getting down on all fours and slinking around in a very cat-like fashion. "Knowing ol' Sherman here, it'll probably get blown up again in another strange and exciting accident."

Sherman glared at him. "Hey, I'm down to only two explosions a month now. That is _progress_."

"Wait, where's the MTM?" Hobbes asked, looking around.

"Oh, he's here," Calvin said quickly, pulling the CD player out of his pocket. "You okay, MTM?"

"Couldn't be better, _Calvin_," MTM replied. "Sorry I couldn't teleport properly, chaps. The ion storm screwed with my electrics."

"I wouldn't worry," Andy said. "We all seem to be alright after all."

"Very fortunate indeed," Socrates said, slinking around the tables, his tail twitching every couple of seconds as he sniffed around. "Now what shall we do?"

"Well, if you'll all bear with me,_ I _have an idea," Sherman said.

"What's that, Shermie?" Andy asked.

"I think we should all stand under the medical scanner and make sure we're all okay. Make sure there are no internal injuries. Just a precaution, you know?"

"I like the sound of that," Calvin said. "I still feel a bit sore."

"Capitol idea," Socrates said. "Where should we stand?"

"It's over there," Sherman said, pointing to a large pointed device that pointed down at the floor.

"So we just stand under it?" Hobbes asked.

"Right. Everyone underneath. I'll scan you all from here."

So everyone walked over to the large pointed device and stood under it.

"So now what happens?" Andy asked.

"Well, now the medi-scanner will scan your bodies for anything irregular. Everyone ready?"

"Ready," Calvin replied.

"Good. Hobbes? Jump!"

And Hobbes did jump, just as Sherman slammed his tiny fist down on the button.

Before anyone could react, the pointed thing released a bright green light, which encapsulated Calvin, Andy, Socrates and the MTM in a bright green force field, keeping them trapped inside. They floated helplessly, stunned by what had happened.

Hobbes stared at them contemptuously. "Solid work, Vermin," he said.

"Gee, thanks," Sherman replied, glaring at the imposters.

"No, no, _no_! Let me out! LET ME OUT!" Calvin shouted, panicking instantly. He began pounding against the side of the force field desperately.

"Why you stinking, no-good, little _rat_!" Andy shouted furiously, kicking the green ball.

Socrates growled angrily and started clawing at the force field as well, kicking up electricity.

But the MTM just floated there. "Well, that went up in smoke rather quickly," he quipped.

"Who are you all, and where are our friends?" Hobbes demanded.

"How did you know?" Socrates demanded.

"Oh, little things, really. Calvin's twitchiness, Andy's losing his cool, and you acting like an actual cat. Huge differences. Plus, you all smell different."

"Darn cats," Andy grumbled.

"So where are our friends?" Sherman asked.

"Probably wherever we were before now," MTM replied.

"Where's that?"

"Outside a force field."

Hobbes and Sherman sighed with frustration. "It must've had something to do with the ion storm," Hobbes said. "What could it have done?"

"Well, there's one possibility," Sherman said.

"What's that?"

"The ion storm might've opened a barrier between two universes: ours and theirs. I suppose it's possible that MTM tried to teleport us to safety, but only managed to get the three of them, and the resulting energy caused them both to be switched across the interdimensional border and swap places."

"Or something like that," MTM replied.

"So they've swapped places with other versions of themselves from a parallel universe?"

"Probably," Sherman said with a nod.

"So how do we switch them back?"

* * *

"I can't send us back," MTM replied.

"Why not?" Calvin asked. "You got us here."

"Only because the ion storm opened a door for us. The door is closed to the point of nonexistence now. There may be no way back home."

"So what do we do now?" Andy asked.

"Well, Hobbes and I got swapped with our interdimensional doubles once before, but that was an imperfect mirror universe. We have no way of knowing whether or not this is the same universe because MTM wasn't involved in that adventure, so he wouldn't have details of this universe in his logs."

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it," MTM said firmly.

"So what do we do?" Socrates asked. "Are we trapped here for all eternity?"

"No, of course not. Just until we die. There's a difference."

"Great, and me without my rubber chicken…"

"So, again, what should we do?" Andy asked.

Calvin looked around the neighborhood, looking intently at the mirror version of his house intently. "I think we should find out what the other version of me is like. I need to see if it's the same universe."

"Why?"

"Because if it's the same one, then I can think of a way to get us out of here."

Deciding it was the best they could do at the moment, they headed for the house.

Just as they were about to head up the walk towards his front door, however, he heard someone calling out to him.

"Calvin! Wait up!"

They stopped and turned, and they were surprised to see the Mirror-Susie walking up to them with a big grin on her face.

Calvin gulped. "Uh-oh. This better not be going the way it did last time."

"What happened last time?" Andy asked.

Mirror-Susie ran up to them. "Hi, Andy! Hi, Socrates! _Hi, Calvin_!" she said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"_This _happened," Calvin muttered through his teeth.

"How've you been today, Calvin?" Mirror-Susie asked imploringly.

"Er, I've been fine. Same as usual."

"What're you doing later today?"

Calvin swallowed and tugged at his collar. "Oh, I'm _real _busy. Got _loads _of work to do. _Real_ busy."

"Aw, that's too bad," she said with a pout, leaning in close to him. "I was hoping you and me could do something."

Calvin's eyes widened, and he had to fight every instinct not to run and hide. "Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'm booked solid all week. I'll have to take a rain check on that. Too bad. I'll see you around, Susie."

Susie grinned. "Yeah, I guess you will," she said, tickling his chin with her index finger. "See you later." And with that, she went skipping away, humming merrily to herself.

Calvin watched her leave, worried by the amount of sweat he seemed to have accumulated due to that single act, and then became aware of a noise behind him. He turned to look.

Andy and Socrates were struggling to hold back girlish fits of laughter.

"Laugh, and you die," Calvin said, glaring at them.

"…Right…," was all Andy could manage as he held both hands over his mouth.

Socrates managed to calm down by taking several quick breaths. "So…," he said at last. "I take it this is the same place you were in before then?"

"No."

Andy finally managed to regain the power of speech once the humor of the situation died away. "What do you mean? You said this is what Susie was like in the parallel universe."

"Yes, but there's a key difference here."

"What's that?"

"In the mirror universe, she said my name backwards. She says it forwards here. Small differences. All very important. This isn't the same universe from last time."

"So where does that leave us?"

"Basically, it means we have to think of a different way out than last time."

"How do we do that?" Socrates demanded. "We only got here through a fluke."

"We need to find out more about our mirror selves. We need to know what they're up to."

* * *

They arrived in the mirror version of Calvin and Hobbes' bedroom, and they were rather startled by how it was decorated. Everywhere they looked, they saw posters for heavy metal rock bands, and yet there was also a poster for Casey and the Sunshine Band.

"What the heck are these guys into?" Calvin wondered.

"Seems they have some sort of fascination with blood, death and sunshine," Andy mused.

Socrates noticed a pile of discarded CDs on the floor and began to go through them. "Wow," he said. "You've got bad taste in this universe."

"Why? What's in there?"

"Celine Dion's greatest hits, three albums by McFly, a James Last, and Percy Percival's Hammond Hits."

"Oh, beautiful," Andy sighed. "What should we be looking for?"

"Anything handwritten would be handy," Calvin said. "Plans, scraps of homework, even a couple receipts could tell us a lot."

The trio started digging around the various possessions.

Andy was rather disturbed to discover a set of numchucks and a samurai sword under the bed. "I think your other self is into physical combat."

Socrates dug through the dresser. He found it was very similar to Calvin's actual dresser, with all the same clothes in it. However, when he reached the sock drawer, he found, to his surprise, a water pistol. "Hey, you've still got the Transmogrifier Gun in this universe," he said.

"Let me see."

Socrates tossed the pistol across to Calvin, who caught it and examined it. "Let's see…," he murmured. "Let me try transmogrifying something. I'll change that Celine Dion into cell phone."

He aimed the gun at the discarded CD and pulled the trigger. In a flash of energy, a beam of light shot out of the pistol and hit it, and in a brief flash…

…it was still a CD.

They stared at it for a few moments.

"So, I guess your other self's inventions don't work," Andy said at last.

Socrates approached the CD and picked it up, reading the label. "Actually, it worked a little," he said.

"How so?"

"Now it's a Hannah Montana CD."

"So it takes any object and makes it considerably worse," Calvin said, tossing it away.

Calvin then began investigating the desk. He looked through all the various papers scattered across it, but he found nothing of interest. Then he pulled open a drawer and looked through the papers in there. His eyes widened when he found a manila folder with the words _Top Secret _written on it in his handwriting.

Deciding it was worth a look, he took the file out and began to thumb through it curiously. He saw various diagrams, papers with his handwriting on them filled with paragraphs of heavy text, and at one point he saw a blueprint of some sort of large device that looked like it could do serious damage to whatever it was pointing at.

Andy and Socrates stopped searching when they saw what he had and approached him curiously. "What've you got?" Andy asked.

"Some of the most outlandish plans I've ever seen written on paper," Calvin replied, still going through some diagrams.

"Building plans for another Dubai building?" Socrates asked, knowing that probably wasn't it.

"No… Guys, it looks like Hobbes and I are planning to take over the galaxy."

Andy and Socrates stared at him.

Finally, Socrates broke the silence. "I could see that," he said with a thoughtful nod.

"How far along in their plans are they?" Andy asked.

"It doesn't look like much at the moment, but it's clearly going somewhere. I think they might actually succeed at this if they keep at it for a few more months to develop their ideas."

"You sound like a teacher, you know."

Calvin looked up, rather scandalized by such a suggestion. "I beg your pardon?!"

"Seriously though," Socrates interrupted, "what are their plans? What are the details?"

Sending Andy one last glare, Calvin rooted through the papers again, passing some around. "Not much to go on, but it says here that they plan to send a broadcast signal to as many inhabited planets as they can. Then they'll blackmail them with some sort of planetary decimator that can crack a planet's surface like an egg."

"I'm guessing that's what _this_ is," Socrates said, looking at the drawings on the blueprints.

"How're they going to get that?" Andy asked. "If they can't make a simple Transmogrifier Gun work right, how do they expect to destroy a planet that's millions of light-years away from them?"

"It's not impossible," Calvin said quietly. "Just very unlikely. And even the unlikely is possible."

"So where do they get a machine like this from?" Socrates asked.

Calvin thought for a moment before it twigged. "Sherman."

* * *

Getting into the Mirror-Sherman's lab was easier than they'd anticipated. They found the door in the wall was wide open, unlike the one in their own universe, which was always locked up tighter than the Klopman Diamond's display case.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Andy mumbled, following Calvin through the door.

They walked out onto the spiral staircase and looked down into the lab.

The place was a mess. Broken bits of twisted metal littered the floor. The bookcase was bare due to the books being scattered all over the place. Broken glass was everywhere. What few test tubes still existed were bubbling over with strange chemicals that ate away at the table they were sitting on.

"Someone should fire his cleaning lady," Socrates tutted distastefully.

They gingerly stepped down the spiral staircase worriedly. They waved away clouds of smoke and tried to ignore the unnerving hissing noise coming from the rapidly dissolving table.

"Sherman?" Calvin called out. "Are you here?"

There was no reply.

"Sherman, we needed to ask you about that, er, planetary decimator we've been working on! Where are you?"

No reply.

Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out the MTM.

"MTM, see if you can find him in here."

"Wave me around a bit. I'll see if I can nab him," MTM replied.

Holding the CD player out at arm's length, Calvin began to turn in a slow circle, listening carefully to the loud 'poing' of the MTM's radar.

"Anything yet?" he asked quietly.

"Turn ten degrees to the west," MTM replied.

Calvin looked around, confused. He glanced at Andy and Socrates, who both shrugged. "Which way is west in this place?" he asked.

MTM sighed. "Turn to your left a little," he said tiredly.

Calvin did so and noticed the radar was beeping a little faster in the direction of a pile of broken wood and cotton balls.

"Sherman?" he asked, putting MTM away.

They approached the pile uncertainly, pulling some of the wreckage away carefully, and there he was.

Sherman was sound asleep under the wreckage of his own lab, snoring slightly.

"Shermie?" Andy asked. "Are you okay?"

But the hamster just snorted slightly in his sleep and rolled over onto his side.

"Hey, Vermin! Wake up!" Socrates ordered.

That did the trick. Mirror-Sherman sat up in a stupor. "Huh? Wha…?" he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Then he saw the others and groaned a little. "Ohh, what do you want now?" he complained. "I was just taking a little break! It's not easy picking up after an ion storm, you know!"

"Ion storm?" Socrates asked, before a sharp look from the others reminded him that he had to pretend he was his other self. "Uh, you mean that this is all from the ion storm earlier?"

"Well, most of it. Some of it is still the mess from last week when I created that earthquake in a jar."

"Well, nice work, dummy," Andy said, laying it on a little thick. "Nice to see in an emergency we can rely on _you_ to fall asleep on the job!"

"Hey, lay off!" Mirror-Sherman shot back. "I still haven't got that funding for the automatic sweeper-duster-fixer-upper yet!"

"And where does that funding come from, may I ask?" Calvin asked.

"Well, this week, it comes from those guys in Cuba. They haven't made too many sales lately, so funds are bit dry right now."

Andy's eyes widened. "Wait… You're getting your funding from drug dealers?"

"This week, yeah. I know, I know, they're not a very reliable bunch, but don't worry. I still have the negatives. They'll pull through for me. Nice big percentage for their old pal, Shermie," Mirror-Sherman said with a dry chuckle.

"And if they don't?" Socrates asked.

"Well then, they go down and I take my business elsewhere. Those computer hackers have been trying to get back on my good side for a while now. They'll jump at the chance."

"Glad to hear it," Calvin said disparagingly.

Just then, they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Everyone turned to look and saw the Mirror-Hobbes was coming down towards them.

"There you all are!" he said, sounding rather angry. "What the heck are you all doing here?"

"Eh, we're just down here trying to get the rat to work," Andy replied, trying to create the illusion that he was not at all affected by the fact his hamster was associated with the black market in a parallel dimension.

"Well, you're clearly not doing a good job," Mirror-Hobbes grunted. "Come on, Sherman, get the lead out! I want that machine done by next week! We've got a schedule to keep!"

"Motivate me then," Mirror-Sherman replied.

Mirror-Hobbes grinned wryly. "Philly Cheese Steak in pellet form?"

"You know me so well."

"Get to work, you scamp."

The two alternate versions of their friends chuckled good-naturedly and set to work.

Calvin, Andy and Socrates watched all this in a stupor before regaining their senses.

"So, what do you need us to do?" Socrates asked, hoping he was coming across all right. He wasn't sure what his other self was like.

Mirror-Hobbes looked at them disdainfully. "Calvin, you go back to our place and get to work on preparing the broadcast signal. That's our top priority. And don't screw it up this time, got it?"

"Yes, sir," Calvin replied nervously.

"Andy, you and Socrates need to get to work on constructing the decimator. Keep handling all the big stuff that Sherman can't do himself."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Andy said grumpily. "Come on, Socrates."

"Whatever," Socrates said as nonchalantly as he could manage.

Calvin watched them wander off, and then he nervously made his way up the spiral staircase and out of the lab. As he started for the doorway, he caught Andy's eye line and winked. Andy nodded in reply.

They all set to work.

* * *

Calvin walked down the street, watching with interest the workings of this new world. He pulled MTM out of his pocket. "Okay, I need to know where the broadcasting systems are," he said.

"Well, we need to figure where a six-year-old would keep such a device," MTM replied.

"And where would that be?"

"Under your bed."

"Of course. So obvious."

"Undoubtedly. Shall we get to work on that?"

"Of course not."

"Oh… What are we going to do then?"

"We're going to ignore it for now and think of a way to get back to our universe."

"Ah-ha. What about Andy and Socrates?"

"I presume they're going to sabotage the decimator. They'll slow down production of the device so that we don't have to use it."

"Why?"

"MTM, this isn't our universe. We don't want to get involved in the affairs of our other selves. Whatever happens here isn't really our problem, so we just need to find a way to switch us all back, and they'll be back to their own devices."

"Fascinating."

"What is?"

"Oh, nothing. So, shall we start brainstorming?"

They were interrupted by a familiar voice. "Oh, Cal-_viinnnnn_!"

Calvin turned around with a sense of despair as he saw the Mirror-Susie coming up to him again. "Uh-oh," he muttered.

* * *

Andy and Socrates were working quietly underneath the giant decimator. It was only half-finished at the moment, and they were pretending to be completing it. In actuality, they were quietly sitting around and pretending to work on it. It wasn't that hard to fake. They literally had no clue how the thing worked.

"What do we do if they find us not working?" Socrates asked.

"I don't know," Andy replied. "But I, for one, do not intend to add 'built doomsday device' to my résumé. We just need to fake it for a little while longer to give Calvin some time to think of a way out of here."

"How do you figure all this works though? I mean, all this stuff with parallel universes and stuff. I mean, I get the idea that every decision we make has a possible alternative played out in an alternate dimension, but how did our mirror selves end up like this?"

Andy shrugged. "Well, this world is pretty back to front. It could've been part of a decision made hundreds of years ago. I mean, take for example the Revolutionary War: what if the British had won? We'd all be eating crumpets, drinking tea and saying 'what ho?' all the time."

"Wow. Who'd have thought one tiny little detail could to such horrors. I can't picture you with crooked teeth, quite frankly. You have astounding bicuspids."

"…When have you been looking at my teeth, Socrates?"

* * *

"Big plans for the day, huh, Calvin?" Susie said knowingly, playfully putting an arm around Calvin's shoulders. "Is walking around aimlessly all day part of those plans, or are you lying and just playing hard to get?"

Calvin tried to tell himself the sweat on his forehead was due to it being late June. "Er, Susie, I'm kind of busy right now. I need to get going and, er, do some stuff. I've got this broadcast thingy to work on, or else Hobbes is going to get awfully mad…"

"Oh, he's _always _mad at you! Can't you leave that machine alone for just a minute and pay attention to _me _for once?"

"Susie, I… I _really_ need to go…"

"Why don't you just get rid of Hobbes?" Susie continued, wrapping her arms around Calvin's neck.

"Get _rid _of Hobbes?"

"Of course! Think of all the people _he's _gotten rid of! If he wasn't bossing you around so much, you and I could hang out together more often. He's the only reason you're always so nervous."

"I can think of another reason I'm always nervous, and it's got two arms around me right now…"

"You could fix the MTM up and we could send Hobbes far, far away… Or better yet, _we _could go somewhere far, far away…"

"Susie, seriously, this is getting a bit weird. We're six years old, right?" Calvin asked, trying to push her away from him.

"Just tell me one thing. Just one thing. That's all I ask!"

"Okay, okay, what?"

"…Where's _my _Calvin?"

Calvin's eyes widened. Surreptitiously, he reached into his pocket and pressed a button on MTM's side.

* * *

Andy and Socrates continued to work in silence, trying not to make eye contact either Mirror-Hobbes or Mirror-Sherman.

At that moment, MTM materialized in front of them.

"MTM? What are you doing here?" Andy whispered.

"Calvin's having a bit of a problem with the Mirror-Susie," MTM replied.

Socrates perked up. "Really? Can we go watch?"

"She's onto him, and by extension, she's onto us. We need to figure this all out fast."

"How fast?"

"Like within the hour fast."

"Well, come on, any ideas?" Andy pleaded.

"Just one, but it's a bit of a long shot."

"Same as usual, then," Socrates sighed.

* * *

"Answer my question," Mirror-Susie said, tightening her grip around Calvin's collar. "Where's _my _Calvin? You're a stranger."

"Susie, it's fairly simple, really," Calvin replied, somewhat relieved that she was angry now. "Your Calvin and myself got stuck in a miniature ion storm along with Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates and the MTM. MTM tried to teleport us out of the storm, but he could only lock on to a few of us, and so only myself, Andy, Socrates and MTM were teleported away. Unfortunately, we got teleported through a dimensional barrier opened up by the ion storm, so we ended up swapping places with your versions of us, so here we are. Don't hit me!"

Mirror-Susie held his gaze for a moment before dropping him unceremoniously on the ground.

"Okay, so how do we get him back?" she demanded.

Calvin stared at her. "Huh? You believe me?"

"Of course! It makes total sense! How do we get _my _Calvin back?"

"Er, MTM is probably working on a plan right now to switch us back…"

"How long will that take?"

Calvin sighed with exasperation. "I don't _know_! Get off my case! I didn't _ask _get stuck in an ion storm and swapped with my interdimensional counterpart! Give me a break, you stupid girl! I'm just trying to avoid getting sucked into their plans for galaxy-wide conquest! I don't need _you _getting in my face because your cowardly crush is lost in my world, and _you're stuck with me_!"

Mirror-Susie stared at him shock. "_My _Calvin _never _speaks to me like that!" she gasped.

"Yeah, well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not your Calvin," Calvin snapped back angrily, truly fed up with this nonsense.

"I know…," Mirror-Susie said, a grin forming on her face. "…I think I like it."

Calvin stared at her in alarm. "Huh?!"

"So forceful! _My _Calvin doesn't have a spine like yours!"

"Yeah, well…"

"Maybe I could get used to you…"

"…Uh…"

* * *

"There should be lots of residual energy floating around in the lab from the ion storm. If we can harness the power of those energy particles, we can create a second ion storm that'll send you all back to where you belong," MTM was saying.

"But how can we be sure we'll all go back together?" Andy asked. "The four of us only ended up in this universe by chance. Your systems couldn't function during the ion storm."

"Well, now that we're going to be better prepared, I can connect with your molecular structures now. Then, when the time is right, I'll just send you all back again through the opened dimensional barrier."

"And what about our other selves?" Socrates asked. "How do we get them back over here?"

"We have to rely on them to have the same idea as us," MTM replied.

"…Right, and the chances of that happening are…?"

"We don't really have a choice."

* * *

"Take me with you!"

"What?" Calvin was really confused now.

"Take me with you back to your universe! You're so much stronger than my Calvin! You're so much more masculine!"

"Well, I avoid bathing at all costs…"

"_Please_! I'll do anything you say! _Anything_!"

"Susie, I'm sorry, but we can't! We've already got a Susie in my world, and she's annoying enough as she is!"

"Please take me with you! I'm nobody here, but in your world I could start over! I could be somebody! _Please _take me with you!"

Calvin finally felt his patience run bone dry. "Susie, if it's my commanding nature you find so appealing, then you'll love this: _tough, toenails_!"

And suddenly, he found his head resting awkwardly in Mirror-Susie's hands. "If I can't use words to convince you, then maybe I can use something else," she said slowly.

Calvin stared at her, not comprehending. "You're…going to give me cash?" he asked hopefully.

"I'm giving you something better than money."

"A sports car?"

Mirror-Susie looked confused. "Do they not have kissing in your world?"

"Yeah, we have that, but it's mainly to pad out movies and…," Calvin trailed off as he realized how close Susie had brought his face to hers. "Oh…"

And Susie began to lean in.

Calvin began to panic. "No, wait! I'm too young! This is wrong! Very, very wrong! Susie, you'll hate yourself afterwards! Heaven knows I'll hate _myself!_ Susie, don't! Don't! _DON'T!"_

_**BRZAP!**_

Suddenly, Andy materialized behind them, holding the MTM. He reached forward and grabbed Calvin by his shirt collar, and then gave a solid pull.

Calvin found himself being wrenched away from Susie's lips and into the grasp of his friend. Somehow knowing what was going on in an instant, he slapped his hand down on MTM's casing, and they both vanished again in a field of electricity.

_**BRZAP!**_

Mirror-Susie stared at the spot in shock.

"No… No! Wait! Come back! Take me with you!" she cried, looking around frantically.

* * *

_**BRZAP!**_

Calvin, Andy and MTM reappeared in the lab in front of Socrates, who was still hiding under the decimator.

"Andy, you could _not _have timed that better," Calvin gasped, hugging his friend out of sheer relief.

"Why, what was happening?" Socrates asked excitedly.

"None your business!" Calvin snapped.

"Oh, you should've seen this little charmer!" Andy chuckled, patting Calvin on the shoulder playfully.

"Shut up! Don't you _dare _tell him! He'll tell Hobbes, and then they'll _both _mock me forever! I won't stand for it!"

"Never mind," MTM interrupted. "I'm ready to put my plan into action. I've locked onto all three of your molecular structures. When the time comes, I'll be ready to send you back to your parallel universe."

"How will you do that?"

"I'm going to restart the ion storm. There's still enough residual energy to start up a second one."

"Good. Whatever. Do it fast. I want to get out of this horrible place as soon as possible so I can start my long road to recovery."

Andy and Socrates snickered.

"Okay," MTM said, "processing… Processing… _Processing_… Got it. Activating energy manipulator. One small-sized ion storm coming up!"

"Let 'er rip!"

_**KAZAP!**_

A long stream of electricity shot out of the MTM's casing, hitting a random part of the lab. That area of the lab began to turn pure white. It was so pure and perfect it made their eyes hurt.

"What's that stuff?" Socrates asked.

"Ion energy," MTM replied. "The Energy Manipulator is revealing it to the naked eye. Hang about. It's all starting to gather up in one concentrated area."

And then other sections of the lab began to grow bright white, and all those sections of ion energy began to gather in the concentrated area. The central blob of white began to grow larger and brighter before their squinting eyes.

"You know, this stuff's pretty bright," Andy said.

"No kidding," Calvin snorted. "Always the keen observer, Andy."

"No but listen: if it's this bright, doesn't that mean we're not the only ones who can see it?"

"Huh?"

"The alternate Hobbes and Sherman can probably see it too."

Calvin looked around a bit, having forgotten about those two. "Oh yeah… Where are they?"

"Over there," Socrates said, pointing across the room. "And boy, do they look mad."

And they did, rather. Mirror-Hobbes was growling at them ferociously. "What the heck do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

"What's it look like we're doing?" Calvin asked nervously.

"It looks like you're trying to destroy the lab and all our hard work for conquest!"

"Er… Well, I suppose we could do that too…"

"Well, I've worked far too hard to give up now! If I have to destroy you three as well, so be it!"

"How're you going to do that?" Andy asked worriedly.

Mirror-Hobbes growled loudly, revealing his sharp fangs, and then held up his paws, extending his deadly claws.

"Oh, right, he's a tiger…," Andy whispered. "Amazing how easily I tend to forget that."

"Psh. That's because you don't have to live with him," Calvin muttered.

Letting out a roar that would've made any thug reveal names, Mirror-Hobbes reared up on his hind legs and pounced. It was almost like it was all happening in slow motion. His fangs bare and his claws reaching out, he was heading straight for the group, ready to destroy the MTM and rip them all apart.

But he'd reckoned without Socrates.

Suddenly, something collided with the side of Mirror-Hobbes' head, throwing his direction off and sending him crashing to the floor, where he bowled forward like a bowling ball and crashed into the wall, causing a bookcase to come down on top of him.

_**WHAM!**_

"Ooh, that had to hurt," Socrates winced. "Sorry about that, Mirror-Hobbo."

"What'd you hit him with?" Andy asked.

Socrates held up a rubber chicken, which flopped loosely in his grip. "Turns out I didn't lose my rubber chicken after all!" he said with a grin.

"Nice one," Calvin said. "MTM? How's it coming?"

"Nearly there. I can feel it starting up. We just need to stimulate it with something," MTM replied.

"With what?"

"What's twenty-three multiplied by five?"

Calvin stared. "Uh… MTM, you know I got a 'D' in math, right?"

"Don't think of it as a school question. Just think."

"Oh… _Oh_! 115!"

"Bingo-jingo."

They all looked around and saw the scanner, which was just as beat up as everything else, but on the monitor, they could see the familiar red rock.

"MTM, give Andy a pair of gloves. I doubt the Mirror-Sherman has any decent safety equipment around here," Calvin ordered.

"I'm getting around to it!" Mirror-Sherman shouted.

A door opened on MTM's side, and a pair of rubber gloves fell out into Andy's waiting hands. Andy slid them onto his hands and reached down the slot and pulled out the 115. It glowed in his hands.

"What do I do with it?" he asked.

"We need to blend it with the ion storm to stimulate the process," MTM replied.

"How do we do that?"

"Chuck it!"

With no further need for encouragement, Andy reared back and pitched the 115 into the growing ion storm. There was a flash of red, and then the storm began to grow. Soon, a familiar wind picked up, and papers and loose objects began to flutter around the room.

"It's starting!" Mirror-Sherman cried. "What have you done? Run and hide!" And that's just what he did, as he dove back under the cotton balls.

"You're certain you can send us and _only us_ back, MTM?" Calvin asked.

"Oh, definitely. Since I locked onto your molecular structures before the ion storm, I should be able to send you all back safely. Any questions?"

"Just one."

"Shoot."

"Why didn't our MTM teleport through the barrier with the rest of us?"

Andy and Socrates looked in surprise. "Wait, what?" Andy asked. "That's not our MTM?"

"Nope. It's the Mirror-MTM. Answer my question please, MTM."

"Because," Mirror-MTM replied, "I couldn't lock onto my own personal teleport function when I tried to send you all to safety. Presumably the same can be said for my mirror self. He managed a slightly farther range than I could, which is why you all ended up outside."

"Then why were you with us outside?" Socrates asked.

"I sensed you were outside and teleported there to see how it happened. I scanned your minds to see if you were harmed, and I realized the switch there."

"But if you're the alternate MTM, why have you been helping us?" Andy asked, ignoring the fact that he was slowly floating into the air.

"Because you meant no harm. You were only trying to get back to your home dimension. Knowing that you would want to send your alternate selves back here, it seemed logical to assist you."

Calvin couldn't help but grin as he floated into the air as well, followed by Socrates.

"You and my own MTM are the same at least one aspect, MTM: you're both machines, and as such, you operate through logic. I think I'm beginning to see why our other selves continue to fail their quest to take over the galaxy…"

"Why's that?" Andy asked.

"Because someone has been preventing them."

"Too right," Mirror-MTM replied. "To take control over the whole galaxy is illogical. It simply can't happen. I've been stifling their work for years now. I estimate that they'll give this plan of conquest another eighteen months before they finally come to the realization that it's fruitless and give up, and move on to more worthwhile tasks."

Calvin grimaced. "_My_ self will probably move on to Susie…," he grumbled.

"Probably. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry. It's not my problem. Ready yet?"

"Ready."

"Then let's depart! Activate!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back in our universe, Hobbes and Sherman had tied themselves down to the ground as fierce winds blew all around them. MTM was still floating in the force field with the alternate Calvin, Andy and Socrates with him.

"This better work, Sherman!" Hobbes yelled, holding the 115 in his gloved paws.

"Don't worry! It will!" Sherman assured him. "MTM? Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," MTM replied from within the force field.

"Fine! Send us away! We never liked it here anyway, you losers!" Mirror-Andy snapped.

Sherman glared at him and then shouted to Hobbes, "Throw it! Now!"

With all his might, Hobbes pitched the 115 into the growing ion storm above their heads.

"Teleport!" Sherman ordered.

"Fare thee well, weirdos," MTM announced, and then he charged his energy source.

And then there was a flash of light.

Calvin opened his eyes slowly, feeling his headache fading away. He looked up at the ceiling of Sherman's lab. He blinked heavily as he rolled over to look around.

He saw Andy and Socrates both on the floor as well, slowly coming to.

And then he saw Hobbes and Sherman looking at them, holding the MTM as well.

And he grinned. "Hobbes…," he said quietly.

"Welcome home, little buddy," Hobbes grinned, setting MTM down on the table so he could help his friend stand.

* * *

They were all seated on the sidewalk outside Calvin's house later that day, watching their world go by.

"So how did you guys know that we'd been switched so easily?" Calvin asked. "The versions of you in the mirror universe couldn't tell."

"It was far easier for you as civilized men to behave like barbarians, than it was for them to behave like civilized men," Sherman replied.

Hobbes furrowed his brow. "I thought we agreed it was because they smelled different," he said.

Sherman glared at him. "Okay, that too."

"Well, they'll be in for a few surprises when they get back," Andy grinned.

"How do you mean?" Hobbes asked.

"Let's just say the MTM has a bit more power over us than we'd ever care to admit," Calvin said, looking at the CD player knowingly.

Socrates looked down the street. "Ooh, Calvin! Susie's coming!" he said excitedly.

Calvin looked down the street as well, and sure enough, there was Susie, coming up the street.

"Will you guys excuse me for a second? I'll be right back," he said calmly, and he got up and ran to the backyard.

"What's he doing?" Sherman asked.

"I think I can guess," Andy replied.

A few seconds later, just as Susie was getting closer, Calvin suddenly appeared, yelling a war cry, and holding a bright red water balloon in his hands. He hurled it at Susie, was knocked to the ground by its force, and soaked from head to toe.

"AUGH!" she screamed. "CALVIN, YOU JERK!"

Laughing triumphantly, Calvin turned and ran past the group. "It's good to be home!" he shouted as he tore down the sidewalk.

Susie managed to get to her feet and run after him. "GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE CREEP!"

The others chuckled as they vanished into the setting sun.

"It _is _good to be home," Andy sighed.

**THE END**


	7. Black Rain PART 1

There was one thing that could be said for Antarctica: it was really cold.

That's what First Mate Ralph Jefferson was thinking as he wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and wiped his nose clean with a tissue on the fifth day of this Antarctic Exploration. He clapped his gloved hands against his sides as he made his way across the deck to the cabin of the ship.

_You could've been the rainforest right now, Ralphy-boy, _he thought to himself bitterly. _You could be helping to save the rainforest in beautiful scenery in suntan lotion and an umbrella. But no! No, you had to go and get signed up for a documentary about icebergs. Good call, doofus._

Still grumbling to himself, he slid open the side door to the cabin and walked inside, finding most of his crewmates inside, all struggling to keep warm as well.

"What news, Jefferson?" asked Captain Frank Rueben.

"All's going to plan, sir," Jefferson replied, saluting shakily. "We're at least fifteen minutes away from the ice field. We should probably start getting ready to start filming."

"Excellent. Anything else to report?"

"Well…," Jefferson mused with just a hint of sarcasm. "I _am _freezing my bunions off, but that probably won't affect the documentary all that much."

Captain Rueben smirked. "Stand down then, Jefferson. Get a nip of brandy and be back within the next ten minutes."

"Thank you, Captain," Jefferson replied, saluting slightly more enthusiastically this time, and he wandered down the corridor towards the sleeping quarters.

The film crew began to bundle up in their heavy bulky coats, putting on goggles and earmuffs. "I hope this goes well," mumbled the director, slipping his gloves on. "This documentary better pull good ratings."

"I hope it's a flop," the boom operator snorted. "Otherwise, we'll probably be out here next year filming a sequel."

"Relax," said the producer assured them. "Just get through this one day of filming. All we need are five shots of icebergs, a few shots of you guys pointing at them and talking about them, and then we're done for the day."

"Pointing at icebergs," the boom operator mumbled. "How can this thing fail?"

"I heard that," the producer said sternly. "This isn't just any old iceberg. This is an iceberg that has been growing in the ice field for the past five years. It's matched the size of all the other surrounding 'bergs. It's a natural miracle in the twenty-first century, and it's worth videotaping."

Down below in the engineering section of the ship, the men were working away to keep the ship moving. It was hot near the boilers, but it was freezing near the hull. They worked away, focusing to the best of their abilities so as not to go mad from being down here for hours on end with no fresh air.

They were just considering revolt when the ship suddenly lurched to the side. They let out yells of surprise as they all slid to the right as the ship dipped to starboard, trying not to slide into the white-hot boilers.

To their surprise, ice-cold water came spraying suddenly through a newly-formed slit in the side of the hull.

The crew on deck picked themselves up off the floor, checking to see if their equipment was damaged.

"What the blazes was that?" the director demanded.

"We seem to have struck something," Captain Rueben said in confusion, checking the radar screen. "But there's nothing on the radar. The oceans are clear for a few miles at least!"

At that moment, Jefferson re-entered the room, looking panicked and rather wet. "What happened, sir?" he asked.

"Have an accident, Jefferson?" the producer asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh! Er… Brandy got away from me…"

Rueben got to the intercom. "Steerage, this is the Captain speaking," he barked. "What the devil just happened down there?"

A gurgled reply made it through the static. "We seem to have struck something, sir!"

"No kidding," the boom operator muttered, sniffing Jefferson, who shoved him away.

"We've suffered hull damage," the man on the other end replied. "We're not sure what it was! We're taking on water! It's coming it at a tremendous rate! We're going to… We're going… We're… We're…"

Everyone in the room looked at each other with growing dread.

"What's happening down there?" Rueben demanded.

"Sir… It's stopped. The water's stopped coming in. Hang on… I need to see…"

They heard the sounds of someone wading through the water, and after a few seconds, they came back again.

"Sir, there's some sort of…gel sealing the hole. And the men are saying that there's something on board. It's – OH MY GOD! IT'S COMING! LOOK OUT!"

The resulting static from the intercom did not reassure Rueben that all was well. He stabbed his finger into the call button.

"Listen to me! This is an order! I want all the men out of there at once! Do you understand? Abandon the engine room!"

One last reply managed to find it's way through the speaker grille. "MOMMY! MOMMY! I DON'T WANNA DIE! WHAAAA!"

And on that note, the line went dead.

* * *

Rueben and Jefferson stood outside the doorway to the engine room, both holding pistols in their shivering hands. They watched as the large steel door let out a metallic clank before swinging open with a screech, and several drenched and freezing cold engineers staggering out of the room, squelching towards them.

Rueben turned around to the various other crewmembers. "Get these men dried off and warm immediately!" he ordered.

Several of the other crewmen ran over to their crewmates and began to wrap thick blankets around them and getting them over towards the cabin. It took a few minutes, but soon, they were all away.

The Head Engineer was being wrapped up as well when Rueben approached him. "Is that everyone?" he asked.

"I th-th-think so, s-s-s-sir…," he mumbled in reply.

"We'll go down and check, then. Jefferson – with me."

Rueben and Jefferson with both wearing super-thick wading-rubber-overalls that came up to their already-bundled chests. They both held pistols and flashlights as they slowly made their way into the engine room.

"Be careful, s-s-s-sir…," the Head Engineer moaned. "It m-m-m-moves like l-l-lightning."

"We will, don't worry. Just get warm."

With that, Reuben and Jefferson disappeared into the darkness.

The twin beams of light emitting from their flashlights shivered in synchronicity with their arms. They weren't sure whether it was due to the cold or the tension.

"Do you hear anything?" Rueben whispered.

"Nothing," Jefferson replied. "Just water."

"Keep your eyes peeled. Whatever it was must be down here somewhere."

They waded further into the bowels of the ship. Their wet footsteps reverberated off the metal walls. They waved their flashlights in all directions, trying to catch some sight of the mysterious figure.

And then, somewhere across the room…

_**ZOOM! **_**SPLASH!**

"What the devil?!" Rueben shouted.

"Over there, sir!" Jefferson yelled, pointing in the direction of the rippling water.

They splashed their way over to the area, unable to get a good look at what had made the noise. They stumbled and cursed briefly before they heard another noise.

**SPLOOSH!**

"Over there! I heard it!" Rueben yelled, pointing with his pistol.

They ran further and further into the ship, splashing and stumbling along the way.

Jefferson's flashlight swiped a yellow light across the far wall. There was a glint of metal caught within it for a split second that suddenly zipped away.

**SPLOOSH!**

"What the - ?!" he exclaimed. "What was that?!"

Rueben quickly swung his flashlight around in the direction the latest "sploosh" had come from and managed to catch sight of the mysterious visitor at last.

Finally caught in the spotlight, it froze, not moving at all, as if just standing there in the middle of the yellow circle on the wall would render it invisible.

From what Rueben and Jefferson could see, it was some kind of robot.

The robot seemed to be in poor condition. It was missing several different parts, lots of loose inactive wires were hanging out, and his left eye was flickering on and off.

"What in God's name is it?" Jefferson quivered. "Some sort of man made of metal?"

"Oh, stop that, Jefferson," Rueben snapped. "It's the twenty-first century! It's a robot!"

The robot continued to stare at them, not moving an inch.

"…What should we do with it?" Jefferson whispered.

"I don't know."

"Do you think we should shoot?"

"Would a bullet stop a robot?"

"Worth a try."

"Shouldn't we talk to it first?"

"Would words stop a robot?"

"Oh, now don't start getting clever with me, Jefferson…"

"Permission to shoot the robot, sir?"

Rueben looked at the robot. It was clear the creature was dangerous. It had already attacked his men. What if it was all just a misunderstanding?

"I…don't think so," he said at last. "Look at it. It's been damaged. Maybe it's just confused."

"Well, we need to subdue it, don't we?"

"I know, but a bullet might not be the equivalent of a sleeping pill to a robot."

"I say it's worth a try."

"…Okay, just one bullet, but be careful."

Jefferson aimed the pistol at the robot. He aimed at the head, counted to three and squeezed the trigger.

There was a loud click that echoed all around the room, but nothing happened.

"What's happened?" Rueben asked. "Did you load it?"

"Of course I loaded it!" Jefferson snapped, irritated. "It's just jammed."

"How did that happen?"

"It was me," a voice replied.

They both jumped and stared at the robot.

It was now wearing a sadistic grin on its metallic face.

"You…you speak?" Jefferson asked shakily.

"Twenty-first century," Rueben hissed with his own irritation.

"I have jammed your weapon with a high-pitched frequency that widens the barrel. And that is only the first thing I can do."

The robot began walking towards them.

"Who are you…?" Rueben whispered in fear.

"I am Shadow," the robot replied, "and I am your future."

With that, he held up his hands. They began to glow with blue streaks of electricity.

Rueben and Jefferson both realized what was about to happen. "NO!" they both screamed.

Shadow stuck his electrified hands in the water.

The whole room lit up.

* * *

The porch light lit up over the wooden doors of Socrates' mansion.

The red-tailed tiger walked out of his house wearing a backpack, whistling cheerily to himself.

"See ya, Elliot!" he shouted back inside. "I'm off for a fun-filled night on the town!"

"Don't do anything that gets you on the news," Elliot called back.

"Perish the thought!"

Closing the door behind him, Socrates walked down the street and looked around. The entire town was covered in darkness, save for a few streetlights and house lights.

Undeterred by the scene before him, he walked down the sidewalk towards the town. "Right," he muttered to himself. "Where to start? So much pranking and so little time."

Socrates' latest mania was to videotape everyone he tormented. He claimed he was doing it for sentimental reasons, on the grounds that he felt a loving relationship with those he did cruel things to, but everyone else deduced that he just did it to be mean. He was offended by this accusation. It was true, but he was still offended that it had occurred to them.

Smirking to himself, he saw a figure walking down the sidewalk from the opposite direction. He quickly bounded up a nearby tree and climbed out onto a branch. He sat down, pulled off his backpack and began to dig around inside. He pulled out a water balloon filled with some substance that was definitely not water. He pulled out a pillow as well, setting it on the branch just before the person coming. Then he set the waterless water balloon on pillow.

When he looked down again, he saw that the figure was a man in a suit carrying a briefcase.

"Ahhh, a lawyer," he mused. "Then I won't feel so bad about this."

Pulling out his video camera, he started recording. He waited until the man was just about underneath the branch, and then he reached out with his foot and gently pushed the balloon off the pillow and down onto the man's head, splattering all over him.

"What the - ?!" the man shouted, dripping in a sticky brown substance. He looked up, trying to see where the projectile had come from, but when he looked up into the tree, there was no one there.

Just a stuffed tiger with a backpack and a video camera.

Looking around, he tried to find out who had done this to him.

"Where are you?!" he shouted. "Where are ya, you stupid kid?! Get out here!"

Socrates watched all this with amusement. He turned the video camera around and smiled winningly into it. "Case in point," he said to his future audience. "The human brain simply can not comprehend the idea that a tiger can fill a water balloon with maple syrup. Sad, really."

He stopped recording and put everything back in the backpack.

Waiting until the man's back was turned, he jumped down from the tree and raced away.

* * *

A few hours later, Socrates was sitting on a bench, holding the camera up to his face.

"And so, you just witnessed the deploying of seven syrup balloons, five tripwires, six baking soda bombs and a flying bird feeder," he said. "In my next collection, you will see me use a fishing rod to make two kids, a fellow tiger and a hamster chase after a paper-ghost for an hour. Until next time, me!"

And with that, he stopped recording.

"Ahhh, what a glorious night!" he said ecstatically, putting the camera back in his backpack. "I think this deserves a celebration! Time for a late night snack!"

He jumped off the bench, slung his backpack back on, and he waltzed off in the direction of Brown's General Store.

He arrived after a five-minute walk, and he made his way past the cars and trucks that were taking on gas and driving across the pavement. He made it to the double doors and walked inside, unnoticed by the people surrounding him.

He walked down the candy aisle, sizing up the various candies eagerly. Licking his lips, he began snatching one bar from every box, and soon he had loaded his backpack to the brim. Content, he made his way to the check out line. He reached into his backpack again and pulled out a wad of bills, which he placed down on the counter.

"Keep the change, doll face," he said to the girl behind the counter, and he turned and left the store.

The girl behind the counter heard the sound of the doors opening and closing, but she didn't see anyone. Then she looked down and saw the wad of money sitting before her. She raised an eyebrow, looked around, but she saw nobody. Looking around shiftily, she took the money, opened up her polo shirt and stuffed wad down where very few would find it.

As he walked home in the streetlights, Socrates munched on three candy bars at once, blending their varying flavors around in his mouth. He was trying to whistle a tune at the same time, but he was having a small degree of difficulty. However, he was never one to give up straight away, so he kept at it.

He was about halfway home when the weirdness started.

He was just tossing the three candy wrappers into a nearby wastebasket – he's a prankster, not a litterer – when he heard a strange crackling noise coming from his backpack. He momentarily thought that the other candy bars had come to life and were unwrapping themselves, but his tiny supply of common sense told him that was ridiculous, and he then proceeded to open the backpack to see what the problem was.

He was disturbed to find the noise was coming from his video camera.

Curious, he turned it on again, but the noise continued. He turned it off, and it still kept hissing and crackling.

"Odd," he muttered. "I wonder what would happen if…?"

He tried turning it on again, and then he pressed the record button. The little red light came on, and he held it up to his face. It was still making that crackling noise. Frowning, he stopped recording and turned it off again.

And it was _still_ making that noise.

In fact, the further he walked, the worse it seemed to get.

By the time he'd made it back to the mansion, it was louder than ever.

"Okay, clearly there's a problem," he grunted. "I'm going to have to go to the videotape…or I would if this was an actual video camera. I'll just go to the DVD."

* * *

A few minutes later, Socrates was in his room, sitting before his huge TV, and he was operating the DVD player.

He was just watching the footage he had taken today, and he was watching it closely for any sign of discrepancies. So far, everything seemed fine. He was watching every single prank of his come through with perfect clarity.

"Hmmm…," he thought. "Maybe if I skip ahead to the end…"

Socrates pressed a button on the camera and the footage zoomed ahead to the very end of the video. The footage slowed down, and it was at that point that he realized that the sound was starting up again.

"Okay, what _is _that?" he demanded, holding the camera up and looking at it.

But the noise wasn't coming from the camera. It was coming from the TV.

Socrates stood up and inspected the screen.

The picture was distorted and warping like mad, and the audio was crackling with interference, and it sounded like a hand was rubbing across a microphone.

After a few seconds, the picture suddenly became very clear, but it didn't show what Socrates was expecting. He stared at in surprise. He looked at it closely.

It appeared to be a shot of the park, and Socrates' shoulder entered the shot every few seconds, but the camera had somehow gotten focused on something in the background.

Specifically, it was focused on a dark figure.

Socrates stared at it, feeling dread building up in his gut. He paused it quickly.

It was a very tall man in a nice suit. What put Socrates at unease was the fact that the man's arms and legs seemed much longer than the average adult man's arms probably should've been. Plus, there was the fact that in the place where his face should've been, there was a blank white space.

Socrates stared at this figure for a good fifteen seconds before he finally decided what he should do: he freaked out. He promptly ran around the room and proceeded to lock the door and the large windows, drawing the curtains and pulling down the shades in blind terror.

Once he had all that done, he took a minute to calm himself down by taking several deep breathes. That only served to tire him out in under five seconds, and he collapsed to the floor, trying to get his breath back.

He sat there for a moment before worriedly looking at the screen again.

The man continued to stare at him through the footage.

"Who are you…?" Socrates wondered. "Why do you feel the need to make yourself known?"

The image offered no answers.

Socrates continued regardless. "Only one explanation – I'm the victim of a curse! I have been cursed by some supernatural power! Hmmm… I wonder if it is worth bringing my friends into this…?"

He pondered about this for a few seconds before finally shaking his head.

"Nah… They're all busy. They have lives of their own… I'll just get those guys who insist on hanging out with me all the time."

He grabbed his cell phone off the table and quickly dialed. He waited for a few moments before the London twang of a familiar voice wafted through his ears.

"Calvin's answering service – MTM speaking."

"MTM, tell Calvin that I'm stuck in the middle of a supernatural curse of some sort and I need his advice to deal with it. Tell him to bring Sherman. It might be scientific. If not, I'll just squirt a tube of tomato paste on him. Bye!"

And with that, he clicked off.

* * *

Some time later, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman had all reluctantly arrived.

"You _do _know we have lives of our own, right?" Andy asked.

"I know that!" Socrates exclaimed, offended. "Do you really think I'd just take you away from your everyday lives for just _anything_?"

"Last week, you asked us to all come over because you needed help opening a pickle jar," Hobbes reminded him.

"Hey, it kept us busy for an entire afternoon!"

"And I seem to recall that we all said a lot of things to each other that can never be taken back," Sherman remarked.

"Just come take a look at this!" Socrates insisted. "I recorded some stuff with my video camera earlier this evening, and there's this really weird guy watching me in the footage."

"There's someone stalking you?" Hobbes asked. "I wonder why."

"Really?" Calvin asked. "I find that very easy to believe."

"Thank you!" Socrates beamed. Then he faltered. "Wait a minute…"

"So let's see this footage!" Andy declared quickly, rubbing his hands together.

And with that, they all went up to Socrates' room to view the footage.

After viewing the footage three times, they all sat around the TV in a semi-circle.

"Okay," Socrates said, pausing the footage on the last frame of the creepy guy. "What do you guys make of it?"

"Shermie?" Andy asked. "What do you think? You've got a degree in psychology."

Sherman nodded. "Well, after reviewing the footage carefully and judging from the position of the stranger and his body language overall, and bearing in mind everything we know about our – for lack of a better word – 'friend' Socrates here, I would have to say…"

"Yes? Yes?" Socrates asked eagerly.

"…You're overreacting. All you've got is one video of a guy who just happens to be standing behind you."

"I agree," Calvin said. "Maybe the camera just malfunctioned and caught the guy's visage by mistake."

"Oh come on! After everything we've been through, you're going to deny the possibility that supernatural forces are at work here?" Socrates demanded.

"Socrates, just because we've encountered supernatural elements before does not mean that every single stranger, bump or floorboard is automatically the result of a supernatural occurrence," Sherman replied.

"Hate to admit it, but Vermin's right," Hobbes said. "We need a little bit more to go on before we can declare All-Powerful Phantom Alert and sanction off the whole neighborhood."

Socrates snorted. "You guys are so closed-minded."

"Get back to us when Elliot's been kidnapped and you've got a ransom note we can trace," Calvin sighed. "Until then, we'll see you later."

They all got up and made to leave.

Calvin pulled out the MTM. "MTM, we're ready to go home now. Teleport, pretty please."

"Right-o," MTM replied.

MTM crackled with electricity for a moment before the beginnings of the teleportation field began to expand around them. It popped and roared for a few moments before it suddenly dropped and fizzled out.

They all stared at the CD player in confusion.

"Huh," MTM remarked. "That was odd."

"What's the matter now?" Hobbes asked.

"Most of my major features seem to be malfunctioning."

"Oh brother," Calvin sighed. "What's the reason this week?"

"I'm not sure. I can't get the teleporter working or my video camera."

Socrates looked up from pouting when he heard that. "Video camera?" he repeated.

"Yep."

While Calvin fiddled with the MTM, Socrates felt suspicious. He meandered over towards the shaded window and peeked behind it momentarily. Then he opened it all the way.

"Okay…," he murmured. "Where are you…?"

And then he saw the stranger standing in his front yard. This time, the man had several black tentacles coming out of the man's back that were waving around spastically. In the poor light, it was a rather intimidating sight.

Socrates' eyes refused to blink as he stared straight ahead at the whatever-it-was that was in his yard. He tried to say something that would alert the others, but he was so stunned that his ability to communicate verbally had been momentarily impaired, so all he could manage was a few mutters and stammers. He tried waving them over and gesturing, but they were all too busy inspecting the MTM.

"Guh…guh…g-g-guys?" he finally managed to get out. "Ca-ca-can you come over for a moment, please?"

"What now?" Calvin sighed irritably.

"He's…he's outside, and he looks like he's carrying an octopus on his back."

Everyone looked at each other, wondering whether or not they should take him seriously.

Finally, Hobbes decided to be a good sport and walked over to him. He peered behind the shade and looked out onto the lawn.

"…I don't see anything," he said at last.

Socrates looked over his shoulder.

The man was gone. The lawn was empty.

"But…but he _was_ there! I swear he was!" he exclaimed.

The others all looked at each other, wondering whether or not to believe him.

Andy cleared his throat and whispered to Sherman. "You don't think it's…you know…making him see something, do you?" he asked, pointing at his head.

Sherman scratched his chin in a contemplating manner. "Could be… Some sort of hallucination brought on by a malfunction," he said quietly.

"Why are you whispering?" Socrates demanded. "You're talking about _me_, aren't you?!"

Andy and Sherman stared at him. "Yes, we were, actually," Sherman said blandly. "However did you guess?"

"You think I've gone insane, haven't you?" Socrates accused.

"'Gone'?" Calvin repeated.

"You think I've lost the plot!"

"Some considerable time ago, yes," Hobbes said with a nod.

"Well, I'm telling you right now I saw someone on the lawn!"

"Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't," Andy said. "We haven't seen it for ourselves, so we can't confirm it. Understand, Socrates – you're the sort of untrustworthy idiot who wears his dishonesty on his sleeves. You've pranked us so many times that if you ever did cry 'wolf', we'd probably let you get eaten."

"Not deliberately, you understand," Hobbes added. "Simply because we wouldn't believe you were in trouble."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Socrates demanded.

"Go to bed. Get some rest. See if you still see him in the morning," Sherman advised. "We'll come back tomorrow and discuss things further."

Socrates thought this over for a minute before nodding at last. "Okay," he said uneasily. "I will."

"Glad to hear it," Calvin said, holding up the MTM. "Okay, I think that's fixed. Come on, guys. Let's get out of here before Octopus Man turns up."

"Hey!"

"Merely a jest," he grinned.

There was a flash of electricity, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and the MTM vanished from the room.

Socrates stared at the spot for a moment before he suddenly whipped around and dove into a closet. He dug around, grabbing several items and carrying them all in his arms.

When he emerged, he was holding a bunch of dart guns, bags of empty balloons, and six jars of mayonnaise.

"Alright," he said. "I shall stand guard over my humble abode and protect my beloved possessions and prank paraphernalia. Oh! And the family that lives here as well."

And with a dramatic flare, he turned around and headed for the front door.

* * *

"So let's make sure we've got this right," the head of the salvage team said. "You're saying a robot attacked you?"

"Yes, that's correct," Captain Rueben said, nodding shakily.

"So what happened?"

"Well, fortunately, we were wearing our rubber waders, so when he electrified the water, we were relatively unharmed. After he failed to kill us, he threatened to kill us unless we ran our ship into the iceberg. We weren't certain of how to handle the situation, so we felt compelled to comply."

"I see… So where is this robot now?"

"We're not sure. As soon as we'd made contact with the 'berg, he jumped off and vanished into the cold. We abandoned ship and got our men out safely."

"Mm-hmmmm…"

"You don't believe a word of this, do you?"

"Not a syllable."

"Okay, just say snow blindness or something in the report, okay?"

"Works for me. Let's get you boys warmed up," the salvage leader agreed, leading him towards the rescue ship where the rest of the crew were waiting.

* * *

Shadow observed all this from some caves some great distance away. His zoom feature homed in on the salvage ship as it sailed away into the night.

He examined his body, which was excessively damaged after everything he'd been through.

"Auto-repair systems – activated," he announced to no one.

Shadow's frazzled body hummed and began to glow a dull yellow color, and in an instant, all his broken bits and pieces began to pull themselves together again. Loose wires snaked back into his arms and legs, ripped metal stitched themselves back together, and his paint job was restored to its original silver color.

Shadow was good as new.

"Overall repairs – 100 per cent complete," he announced pointlessly. "Now updating files on world occurrences in time since frozen."

Shadow's eyes began to glow a white color as his head linked with the local wi-fi and began scourging the internet to find out what happened in the world since he'd been frozen. Reams of data and newsreels spewed across his vision, quantum fast. He stood stock-still, watching all this for about ten seconds before it suddenly ceased, and his eyes returned to normal.

"Updates completed," he announced. "Estimated time – five years, four months, six days, nine hours, thirty-five minutes and forty-nine point eight seconds."

If Shadow had been a normal part of this universe, he would have said something like, "No wonder I needed to stretch when I woke up this morning," or "I don't know why I bother with that alarm clock." But Shadow was _not _normal. He didn't understand the fine art of deadpan snarking. He was a humorless evil robot who only understood joy in the ways that his creator had programmed him years ago.

Speaking of which, Shadow had by now remembered what else he needed to do. He needed to find his master, Dr Thunderstorm.

"Activating tracking system for human master," he announced to the howling wind and the falling snow.

Inside his head, he began to see his tracking systems. His vision became a blur of lines, numbers and letters that formed together to create a map of the iceberg he was on. He had done this earlier on the ship he had hijacked, and it had pointed him in this direction, hence why he had forced the crew to take him here.

The map took form in his mind, and it took a few seconds for the whole thing to work properly. At last, a large yellow dot appeared, representing himself, and a long curvy dotted line stretched from his cave all the way to the top of the iceberg.

"Human master's location confirmed. Teleporting in three… Two… One."

There was a flash across Shadow's vision, and in an instant, his surroundings changed from the cold snowy cave to a cold snowy peak on an iceberg.

"Scanning for human master," he said, and his eyes began to scan the ice before him, searching carefully.

For several minutes, the deranged robot continued to scan the ice and snow before him, and it wasn't long before icicles began to droop down off of his body.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of determined scanning, he was fortuitous.

"Human master has been located."

His eye glowed a dark red color, and in an instant, lasers were firing out of them and into the ice, blasting away a huge chunk of it and leaving a massive crater. The snow and ice that blasted past him knocked the icicles off of his body, and he shook himself clean.

Next, Shadow held out his hands in front of himself, and with an electronic whirr, his fingers melded together and tripled in size, until they were the size of snow shovels. After mapping out his entire course of action in his head, he began digging away with his shovel-hands, getting out four loads of snow per second, and by the time an entire minute had passed, the crater had become a tunnel to the very center of the iceberg.

When Shadow reached the exact center, he saw the contorted and bruised face of his creator, Dr. Thunderstorm, frozen into a block of ice that had over the years been generating itself from one of Thunderstorm's inventions. But more on that later.

Shadow's left hand returned to its normal size before he reached out with it and touched the block of ice that Thunderstorm had become trapped in.

"Activating teleporter. Teleporting in three… Two… One."

There was another flash of light that raced across Shadow's vision, and in an instant, he was back in the cave, and the block of ice containing Thunderstorm had materialized right next to him.

Shadow's other hand returned to normal as well. "Retrieval of human master has been completed. Defrosting process shall be initiated."

He reached into his side and pulled out a long metal rod that was attached to a chord. He turned a dial on his chest, and the rod turned bright orange. He pressed it against the block of ice, and steam began to hiss off of it. It began to slowly melt through the ice, and the block of ice began to grow smaller and smaller.

"Most satisfactory," Shadow said, smiling with evil glee.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	8. Black Rain PART 2

Hobbes lay sprawled out over the carpet in the living room where a beam of light from the sunset was coming through the window and shining onto him. He yawned and stretched and looked over to the clock on the wall above him. He had taken a decent five hour nap and he was waking up just in time to make himself some dinner before bedtime.

He yawned again and stood up, doing several stretches that cats do upon awakening. He then knocked a couple kinks out of his neck and strolled into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and scanned the interior for a long moment with his sleepy eyes, before finally pulling out a half empty jug of orange juice and a bag of lunch meat.

Still half asleep, he whipped himself together a sandwich, and haphazardly poured himself the juice, spilling some on the counter as he did so, before shuffling towards the stairs to go up to Calvin's bedroom.

He strolled inside, finding Calvin busy with homework at his desk, with MTM sitting beside him.

"Have I missed anything interesting?" Hobbes yawned before sitting down with his dinner.

"Other than Socrates not leaving me the heck alone, not really," Calvin replied, without looking up.

"He's still calling about tentacle suit guy, huh?"

"Mmm-hmmmm."

"It's been three days. It's not a prank because he would've gotten bored of it by now. Should we look into it to see if it's real or if it's his chip malfunctioning?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't want to."

Hobbes sighed. "And this is why we never get anything done."

"Could be his chip," MTM chimed in. "I've been having a lot of strange malfunctions with some of my major features as of late. I've been trying to ignore them, but they've been getting worse."

"I'll deal with it, later. It's probably Brainstorm trying to do something or Earl trying to do something else, but failing because of his hired hands." Calvin said, still fixated on his homework. "I certainly have better things to do than worry about faceless octopus guy, right now."

Suddenly, MTM began beeping.

"Whoops! Incoming call from Socrates," he mentioned.

"Of course," Calvin sighed. "Put him on speaker."

_Click_

"Hello?" Calvin sighed.

"Calvin, I'm becoming startled!" Socrates' voice came from out of the CD player.

"What happened this time?"

"I was watching that 90's show about the 70's, and the TV went all staticy!" Socrates shouted.

"Yeah, that happens," Calvin said.

"Maybe on your 1972 model television that you can't even hook a VCR up to without an adaptor, it does. This is a twenty-first century model with a DVD player built into it! It has 1080p!"

"Do you even know what that means?" Calvin sighed, rubbing his temple.

"I know it means it's a good TV!" Socrates stated. "It's not supposed to look like I have a pair of rabbit ears hooked up to it and there's a thunderstorm rolling in disrupting the signal!"

"Okay, is it still doing it?" Calvin said, clearly looking bored at this point.

"I can't tell."

"What do you mean, you can't tell?"

"Well, as soon as it started, I ripped the chord out of the wall and turned all the lights on," Socrates replied.

Calvin and Hobbes heaved deep sighs.

"Can I sleep at your house tonight?" Socrates requested.

"No," Calvin said, bluntly.

"Ah come on! Is that any way to treat a friend?"

"You're going to dump something wet on me in my sleep," Calvin said. "You aren't sleeping here."

"Whoa, that's like... the same thing Andy and Sherman said to me when I asked them."

"I can't imagine why."

"I could always sleep in the garage or something." Socrates said. "Heck, I'll craft myself a shelter in there with some couch cushions and a blanket. All I'll need is a really bright flashlight and an alarm I can set off if I see something startling."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged bored glances.

"If you'd like, I could even bring my own food and supplies for the... HOLY CATSUP IN A BOTTLE, BATMAN, THERE IT IS AGAIN!"

Calvin and Hobbes both jumped at Socrates' sudden outburst. At the exact moment that Socrates shrieked in alarm, the lights in Calvin's room flickered ever so slightly and the tiger's voice began slightly mumbled and overcome with static.

"There _what_ is again?!" Hobbes breathed, putting his paw over his chest, and panting.

"IT'S OCTOPUS GUY! NO FACE! REALLY NICE SUIT! REALLY TALL! HAS TENTACLES COMING OUT OF HIS BACK FOR SOME REASON! IN MY BACKYARD!"

"Well what is he doing?!" Calvin demanded.

"HE'S JUST STANDING THERE!"

"Tell him to go away!" Calvin moaned.

"Are you out of your mind?! YOU tell him to go away!"

Suddenly, there was a power down noise coming from the MTM. Upon this, Socrates began freaking out, worse.

"THE POWER… JUST… WENT… _**OUT!**_" He shrieked. "I'M BECOMING STARTLED! VERY STARTLED! I DON'T HAVE MY BUTTER ARMOR! BACKING UP! BACKING UP! SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE!"

"Socrates! Calm down!" Calvin yelled. "Is the man still in your yard?"

"I dunno!" Socrates sobbed.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm hiding under the kitchen table!"

"Stop hiding and face your fears!" Calvin ordered. "Come on, you're not Hobbes!"

"Thanks," Hobbes glared at Calvin.

"Okay… okay…," Socrates said slowly. "I'm getting out from under the table."

"Good."

"I found a flashlight on the table," Socrates narrated.

"Oh boy…"

"I am turning the flashlight on, and shining it down the dark hallway in front of me," Socrates announced.

"I see no repercussions to you doing this."

"I don't either," Socrates agreed.

There was a click as Socrates turned the flashlight on.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well?" Calvin said.

"There is a man standing at the back of my hallway, wearing a hoody and what appears to be a gas mask."

"I see."

"He's not really doing anything. He's just kinda staring at me. Wait, never mind. Now he's sprinting at me. Sprinting at me very fast... OH MY GOD! NO DON'T DO IT! AAAAAAUGH!"

There was a loud thump and with that, the call died.

There was a silence as MTM booted back up.

"Should we be concerned, yet?" the machine asked.

"Maybe a little," Calvin nodded. "MTM, teleport Socrates here."

"Right-o."

The MTM fizzled slightly and a field of electricity formed around it slightly, before dying.

"Never mind, that isn't happening," MTM said.

"Why? What's wrong now?" Hobbes demanded.

"Teleporter's not working again," MTM said. "Third time this week. Should probably look into fixing that, Calvin."

"You have self-repairing capabilities, why don't you ever fix this stuff?" Calvin demanded.

"That feature's broken, too. I've been waiting for you to fix that for a good couple years now."

Calvin groaned. "Fine, call Socrates back, then."

"Will do."

There was a silence as the sound of the outgoing phone ringing came from the MTM's speakers. There was a click as Socrates' answering machine picked up.

"Greetings and best wishes. If you waited long enough to get to this answering machine message, then you probably have something important to tell me. Do leave me a detailed message of said information and I will determine whether or not I care about it. Thank you and good day."

"Hang up," Calvin grumbled. "Does this mean we have to go to Socrates' house and figure out what going on?"

"More than likely," MTM said.

"Great. Alright Hobbes, let's get ready."

"Wait what?" Hobbes asked, looking up.

"You're coming with. I'm not going to that mansion by myself, when it's probably booby trapped with everything that he's set up. We'll pick Andy and Sherman up on the way, too."

"Why?" MTM asked.

"Why not?"

"Good point."

"Of course it's a good point. Let's go."

"Wait, wait, wait…," Hobbes said, holding his paws up in protest. "So, we're just going to go to Socrates' house in the middle of the night, and go into his giant creepy mansion, which we have proven was, at one point, haunted, and confront a scary freak wearing a hoody and a gas mask that may have possibly done horrible things to Socrates?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because if this is real and it's harassing someone that's technically part of our group, it's eventually going to get bored of him and move on to us," Calvin said.

There was a silence.

"Yeah, we should probably nip this in the bud," Hobbes nodded.

"That's what I thought. Let's go."

Calvin grabbed his backpack and carried MTM out of the room. Hobbes grabbed his sandwich and orange juice before following.

* * *

A very familiar electronic song was playing deep underneath Yellowstone in a certain hidden laboratory. It was a song that a lot of people with computers and such have heard in the past. In fact, it was one that a lot of people have come to dread.

It was the Skype ringtone.

Jack was sitting in his usual lounge chair reading a magazine while it played, while Brainstorm remained busy at work, with a very concentrated expression as he tried to ignore the giant computer screen above him that was flashing blue and white as Skype continued to press on.

Finally, the song stopped, the Skype closed down, with the usual "bloop" sound that it makes as a call is missed.

"She's gonna call again," Jack said, turning the page.

"SHUT UP, JACK!"

On cue, Skype popped back up and the song started over.

"OH MY GOD, WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END?!" he shrieked.

"I dunno. Answer and see what she wants."

"I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Mmkay. I'm not getting tired of that song, or anything."

"RRRRRRRGH!"

Brainstorm slammed his fist on a button on the console, answering the call.

Immediately, Mrs. Brainstorm's face appeared on the screen. She glared down at Brainstorm in disdain.

"FRANKLIN! IT'S ABOUT DARN TIME YOU ANSWERED! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLING?!"

"I lost count at twelve," Jack remarked.

"What is it, mother?" Brainstorm moaned.

"I'M TRYING TO USE MY NEW COMPUTER BUT THE ONLY PROGRAM I CAN USE IS SKYPE! I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING!" Brainstorm's hysteric mother screeched.

"Open a word processor…," Brainstorm mumbled.

"I DON'T HAVE A WORD PROCESSOR!"

"Every computer comes with a word processor, mother…," Brainstorm said, starting to get impatient.

"_**DON'T YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!**_"

"Sorry, mother…," Brainstorm said, humbly.

Jack scoffed lightly, trying to hold his laughter in.

"Click on Start…"

"THERE IS NO START!"

"The little button in the bottom left corner."

Mrs. Brainstorm studied her computer for long moment.

"SON, YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY AND THERE IS NO BUTTON AT THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER!"

"There has to be! Every computer has that!" Brainstorm begged.

"THIS… ONE… DOESN'T!"

"BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Brainstorm wailed. "IT'S NOT A COMPUTER IF IT DOESN'T HAVE A START BUTTON!"

"What operating system is it?" Jack said, bored.

"HOW DO I FIND THAT OUT?!" Mother Brainstorm shrieked.

"It should say on the computer itself somewhere."

There was an unexpected silence as Mrs. Brainstorm searched the computer.

"IT SAYS WINDOWS 8!" she screamed.

"There's your problem," Jack nodded.

Brainstorm's face fell. "Mother… you bought Windows 8?" he started.

"THE PEOPLE AT THE STORE SAID IT WAS A GOOD COMPUTER!"

"_I_ don't understand Windows 8 and I'm a genius!" Brainstorm shouted.

"It's not that difficult," Jack said.

"YES IT IS! IT'S DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING ANYONE HAS EVER MADE!"

"It's basically an Ipad," Jack said.

"WHO HAS AN IPAD?!"

"A lot of people, actually."

"HOW DO YOU WORK IT?!" Mother Brainstorm screeched, pounding her fists on the coffee table, causing a loud crack to be heard.

"Basically, look at it this way," Jack said. "If it looks like it makes sense, you're doing it wrong. I would recommend sessions of experimenting with buttons until you get what you want. Knowing your patience level, you should probably take fifteen minute breaks every twenty minutes."

"THANK YOU!" Mrs. Brainstorm roared, throwing her hands into the air. "SEE, FRANK?! YOUR ROBOT TOLD ME WHAT TO DO! WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE HIM?!"

And with that, she ended the call.

Brainstorm stared at the screen for a long moment.

"Yeah, why_ can't_ you be more like me?" Jack inquired, looking up.

"Jack, I swear to God…," Brainstorm growled through gritted teeth.

"On a separate note, we're out of Dr Pepper."

"I don't care," Brainstorm grumbled, walking back over to his work bench.

"You should. Because I'll complain about it until we get more of it," Jack said.

"I'll get some when I go to the store next!"

"Please don't get that lousy substitute you got last time. Dr Chill or whatever it was called."

"I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD!"

"It tasted like carbonated prune juice…"

"THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT DR PEPPER IS!"

"Wrong, Dr Pepper is an intellectual drink for the chosen ones. Dr Chill is just… yeah…"

"I'LL GET MORE OF THE DARN DRINK WHEN I GO OUT NEXT! NOW WHY AREN'T YOU ON MONITOR DUTY?!"

"On what?"

"I TOLD YOU THIS TWENTY MINUTES AGO! YOU ARE TO WATCH EVERYONE WHO COMES AND GOES FROM YELLOWSTONE TO SEARCH FOR POTENTIAL THREATS TO OUR CAUSE!"

"I see. That requires me to leave the lab, you realize."

"I AM FULLY AWARE OF WHAT THAT REQUIRES!"

"Didn't your mom tell you to keep me here at all times to make sure you don't kill yourself on all your stuff?"

"THAT IS OF NO CONCERN OF YOURS, JACK! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE HIRED SOMEONE TO DO PART TIME WORK FOR ME WHILE YOU'RE AWAY!"

"You hired someone?" Jack said, raising his eyebrows.

"THAT I DID!"

"To help you do what?"

"MISCELLANEOUS DUTIES!"

"I see. And where is this person?"

Brainstorm looked at the clock. "I don't know. She should have been here about half an hour ago."

Jack stared at his creator for long moment.

Brainstorm looked back at him. "What?"

"Frank… We're in an underground laboratory. In Yellowstone. And only eight people on the planet know about it… somehow… How did you expect them to get here?"

Brainstorm thought for a moment. Then he jabbed his finger at the nearby closet. "JACK! FETCH ME MY SHORT RANGE TELEPORTER!"

Jack sighed and stood up, walking over to the closet.

"_**AND YOU NEED TO START CALLING ME DR BRAINSTORM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!**_"

"Right," Jack yawned, tossing Brainstorm a small, black spherical device.

Brainstorm grabbed it and started pushing buttons on it.

It beeped and buzzed before beginning to glow bright purple.

Suddenly, the lab filled with light, as another human being was teleported inside.

She looked around for a brief moment before finally seeing the two.  
She was a large, rather overweight woman, who looked to be in her thirties. She was wearing round glasses, and her mouth was slightly agape, as she wheezed slightly. She was wearing a black uniform, and had black hair tied in a ponytail.

Brainstorm whipped around to Jack, and pointed at her. "JACK! THIS IS MY NEW HIRED HAND!"

"How'd I get here?" the woman asked.

"THIS… IS _DEBBIE!"_

"Debbie, huh?" Jack said, tilting his head.

"Where am I?" Debbie asked, looking around, confused.

"DEBBIE!" Brainstorm shouted, making her jump slightly. "I AM DR BRAINSTORM! I am your new employer!"

"Oh, you're the guy I talked to?"

"OF COURSE I AM!"

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Brainstorm," Debbie said shaking his hand. "And who is this?"

"This is my robot assistant, Jack! He'll be coming and going, but you will get to know him!" Brainstorm nodded.

"Nice to meet you, Jack," Debbie said.

"Uh huh," Jack said. "So Debbie, how did you find this job?"

"Internet."

"Of course you did."

"JACK, BE KIND TO YOUR FELLOW EMPLOYEES!"

"Oh, I'm an employee now, am I?" Jack said, raising his eyebrows. "When do I get my paycheck?"

There was a silence.

"JACK, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IS GOING INTO MY REPORT! NOW BE NICE TO THE DEBBIE!"

"Oh its fine – my kids give me the lip all the time!" Debbie said. "But I get them back, oh I do. Once my eight year old wanted to get a mohawk, and I let him, so now every time he walks by, I flick his hair, just to bug him!"

Brainstorm and Jack stared at Debbie for a long moment.

"Yeah, that story… has so much relevance to what we're talking about," Jack said with a nod.

"IT WAS AN AMAZING STORY! SHUT UP! Now, come on, Debbie, I need to show you what you'll be doing around here."

And with that Brainstorm marched off, holding his fist to the air.

Debbie paused, and then slowly started after him, at a slower pace.

Brainstorm marched up to his work desk where he held up the large, pink gun like device he had been working on.

"BEHOLD, DEBBIE! THIS IS A DEVICE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE BY ANY OTHER HUMAN EYES!"

"What is it?"

"I don't have a name for it yet!"

Jack rolled his eyes as he walked over.

"Well what does it do?" Debbie asked, examining it.

"IT IS AN AMPLIFIER, DEBBIE!" Brainstorm announced. "AN AMPLIFIER THAT IS USED FOR THE MEANS OF INTENSIFYING THE EFFECTS OF OTHER ELECTRICAL DEVICES!"

"That's impressive," Debbie nodded.

"Not really."

"SHUT UP JACK!"

"Well what are you going to use it for?" Debbie asked.

Brainstorm looked down at it.

"WELL… I don't know… I haven't decided, yet, but when I do, I'M SURE IT WILL BE EVIL AND DESTRUCTIVE!"

"Why is it pink?" Jack asked.

"Because shut up, that's why!" Brainstorm snapped.

"Nothing wrong with pink," Debbie shrugged. "Like, there was this one time that my ten year old dyed our dog's hair pink, and when I saw him next I yelled 'What the heck happened to our dog?!', and my son just laughed and now we have a pink dog."

Brainstorm and Jack stared at Debbie for a long time.

"Right… Anyway…," Brainstorm said, setting the gun down. "It still needs one more thing before it is completely finished and I can begin testing on it!"

"And what's that?" Debbie asked.

"ICE FROM THE ARCTIC OCEAN!"

Jack slapped his forehead.

"Why does it need to be from the Arctic Ocean?" Debbie inquired

"It doesn't," Jack mumbled. "He just likes making things complicated."

"NO ONE ASKED YOU, JACK!" Brainstorm screamed. "AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT ICE FROM THAT REGION OF THE PLANET HAS SPECIAL PROPERTIES THAT OTHER ICE WOULD NOT HAVE!"

"Oh really, and what is that?" Jack questioned.

"IT'S SHUT UP, THAT'S WHAT IT IS! NOW GO TO THE SOUTH POLE AND GET ME SOME ICE!"

"Oh, I _have_ to do it. Didn't see that coming."

"SOUTH POLE! NOW!"

"The arctic ocean is at the north pole," Jack said.

"DON'T CARE! NORTH, SOUTH! COLD PLACES! GO GET ME ICE FROM THE SOUTH POLE! I NEED TO SHOW DEBBIE AROUND THE PLACE MORE! I EXPECT ARCTIC ICE HERE WITHIN THE HOUR! AND DON'T TRY AND GET ANY DIFFERENT KIND OF ICE BECAUSE I'LL KNOW!"

"Right…," Jack yawned.

"COME, DEBBIE! THERE IS MUCH WORK TO BE DONE!"

And with that Brainstorm marched off again. Debbie started after him at a significantly slower pace.

"This is going to go over so wonderfully," Jack sighed, turning and starting towards the rocket pad.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	9. Black Rain PART 3

That evening, Calvin and Hobbes got hold of Andy and Sherman and managed to convince them that this little endeavor was worth dropping what they were doing – and it wasn't hard since all they were doing were playing videogames and finding a cure for male pattern baldness.

They walked up the sidewalk to the large mansion at the end of the street, which as far as they could tell didn't look as though it was bereft with ghouls or monsters at this particular moment.

"Well, I'm sure this was worth walking all this way," Sherman sighed.

"You're riding in somebody's pocket, Vermin," Hobbes snorted.

"It doesn't look like anything's happening over there," Andy said.

"Something definitely happened," Calvin said. "On the off chance that Socrates can't look after himself, I still think it's best to just go over and see if the idiot's okay."

They walked up the steps and headed for the large wooden doors.

Calvin pressed the doorbell.

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING… _DING_… _**DONG!**_

They all waiting a few seconds for a reply, but there was none, so they headed inside anyway.

They peered into the main foyer. The place was dimly lit, even in the late afternoon. They scanned the area, but there were no signs of any life.

Calvin looked around uncertainly. "Hello…?" he ventured nervously.

There was no reply.

"Socrates…?"

Still no reply.

They all walked cautiously inside.

"Where do you suppose he is?" Andy asked.

"Well, let's think like Socrates," Sherman said rationally. "If we were captured by an otherworldly being what would we do?"

Everyone thought for a moment.

"Well…," Hobbes said at last. "If I thought like Socrates and that happened to me, I would most likely find a way to outsmart him and, after succeeding, I'd go and watch TV."

They all mulled that over for a few moments.

"Sounds good to me," Calvin said at last.

They all headed for the living room.

Sure enough, just as predicted, they found Socrates sitting on the couch, watching something on TV with great interest.

They all looked at what he was watching. It seemed to be some sort of monster movie, but there was no sound at all.

"Socrates…?" Calvin asked.

"Shh!" Socrates hissed. "This is the good bit!"

They all stayed quiet for about three seconds before they realized how stupid this was, and Calvin broke the silence.

"What the heck is going on?! Why are you still alive?!" he snapped.

Socrates jumped and stared at them. "What?"

"You were supposedly captured by some sort of evil person who was dragging you off to the depths of the underworld before we got here," Hobbes supplied, also sounding a little irritated. "What gives?"

"Oh! That! Sorry. Well, this guy wearing a hoody captured me, but before we could leave the house, he tripped over one of my booby traps in the kitchen. Once I was certain he wasn't going anywhere, I decided to just catch one of my favorite movies while I waited for you guys to get here."

"Yeah, on that topic," Andy said, tilting his head in confusion, "what movie _is _this?"

"Oh! It's a rare Hitchcock movie called _The Silent Killer Penguin That Devoured New York City and Got Sick Afterwards_."

"I think I can see why it's rare…"

"Too bad it's not a Susan Hart movie," Sherman grumbled. "Otherwise we wouldn't have this problem."

"So why didn't you answer when we called you again?" Hobbes asked.

"Because I knew that if I didn't answer, you'd come and I wouldn't have to be by myself."

They stared at him incredulously.

"And you're not even injured?" Calvin demanded.

"Don't sound so disappointed, Cal."

"I _am_ disappointed! I'm _intensely_ disappointed!"

"Yeah, I mean we all dropped what we were doing and came over here," Sherman added. "The least you could do is to have a couple lacerations and maybe a missing tooth."

"And maybe a black eye," Andy added.

Socrates gasped with indignation. "Honestly! Hobbes, can you believe the nerve of some people?"

Hobbes thought for a moment before he responded with, "… Maybe you could've gotten a bruise or two."

Socrates snorted. "Let's just deal with this guy, all right?"

"What do you mean?" Andy asked.

"I mean he's still in the kitchen, dangling from a net."

They all looked at each other for a few moments before they all nodded and silently headed for the kitchen.

When they all looked inside, they saw the hooded man sitting cross-legged in the net, staring back at them. His face was covered in shadow, but they could just about tell he was human and possibly an adult from the stubble on his chin.

They approached him cautiously.

Calvin cleared his throat and spoke first. "Okay… Are you the guy who's been dressing as an octopus and freaking out Socrates?"

The man didn't answer. He just sat in the net, gently swaying back and forth, his hidden eyes bearing down on them.

"Let's start with an easier question," Sherman suggested. "Who are you?"

But the man still wouldn't reply.

"Socrates, what did you say to him?" Andy asked.

Socrates looked offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've put him in a bad mood! Now he's unresponsive!"

"He was unresponsive when he got here!"

"A likely story," Calvin grunted.

"Okay, hang on," Hobbes said, holding up his paws placating. "Let's figure this out rationally."

"If only someone had said that a few years ago," Sherman grumbled.

Hobbes approached the man, who simply stared back at him.

"You're not answering our questions, you're not cooperating, and you tried to kidnap Socrates," the tiger said slowly. "Are you working for someone? Are you an underling? Are you even human? Maybe you're a robot? Is that it?"

But the man didn't say anything.

Hobbes arched his brow at him before walking back over to the others. "Okay, the usual shtick isn't working."

"Okay, let's regroup," Calvin said, motioning the others to follow him.

They gathered in the corner.

"If he's not going to talk, then we might as well put him somewhere while we've got him captured."

"Where can we put him?" Andy asked.

"I can have a makeshift dungeon built in the basement in less than ten minutes," Socrates said.

Everyone stared at him. They could tell from his expression that he was totally serious about this.

"How can you do that?" Sherman asked.

"Elliot's family planned to use it as a panic room. I suppose we could lock him up inside it."

"It doesn't have any internal control panels, does it?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah, but we can disable those if we get MTM to reroute the power."

"Ah… Yeah, that might be our best bet."

"What do we do with him for ten minutes?" Hobbes asked.

"Keep an eye on him?" Sherman suggested disdainfully.

"Have you been watching the same guy as the rest of us? He's genuinely creepy."

Calvin stole a glance at the man, who didn't seem to have turned his head away from the kitchen doorway. "I concur with that assessment," he said, sounding a bit uneasy.

"Well, he's hardly going anywhere," Andy said. "We just need to hold on to him for a little while, and then we… Wait. How do we get him down there?"

"MTM could teleport him there," Hobbes suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Socrates said agreeably.

"Then let's get on it," Calvin said. "Let's go."

They broke out of their huddle and turned around to put their plan into action.

Unfortunately, they had barely moved before they realized something rather strange had happened.

The hooded man was gone.

The net was in shreds, and its remnants were either dangling from the ceiling or scattered messily on the kitchen floor.

"Wha…?" Calvin struggled to speak. "Where'd he go?"

"And how'd he get out?" Hobbes added.

Sherman climbed down from Andy's shoulder and scurried over to the net. He examined it closely. "It would seem as though he cut his way out. These ropes have been sliced neatly with a knife."

Socrates staggered backwards against the wall as if all the strength had gone out of his legs.

"What's wrong?" Andy asked.

"I… I had some psycho with a _knife_ in my house," he mumbled, struggling to get his brain to comprehend this new information. "The guy who tried to kidnap me had a knife…"

"Socrates, you've been kidnapped by people with ray guns," Calvin reminded him.

"I know, but a _knife_! It's all so… _real_."

Everyone let that sink in for a moment as they realized the implications of what this meant.

Calvin swallowed before firmly stating, "Nobody moves. Nobody leaves this room. He might still be here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the MTM. "MTM, scan the house. Is he still here?"

MTM hummed for a moment as he scanned the whole house.

Finally, he declared, "No, he's not. We're the only ones here."

Everyone simultaneously let out a breath of relief.

_**WHAM!**_

And then they all jumped when they heard the door slam, followed by hurried footsteps running down the walkway.

They were clutching their chests and trying to calm down for a good five seconds before MTM sheepishly announced, "Okay, _now_ he's not here."

Calvin glared at the CD player. "MTM…?"

"Sorry. I mean it. I'm sorry. I genuinely didn't detect him. I swear."

After a few moments, the gang managed to regain their composure.

"What if he comes back?" Socrates asked, worry latent in his voice. "What if…? What if he comes back when Elliot and his family come back?"

Everyone tried to think that over, but their thoughts were racing at a thousand miles an hour. Somehow, some psycho with a knife that they couldn't identify had become ten times scarier than any mad scientist or alien dictator that had tried to destroy them previously.

Finally, Calvin found his voice. "Then we'll just have to stay here."

Everyone stared at him.

"R-really?" Socrates asked, sounding like a helpless child.

"Yes, we will. Won't we, guys?"

Hobbes nodded. "We will."

"All night, if we have to," Andy agreed.

"And we won't sleep the whole time," Sherman put in.

"And if he does return, he won't know what hit him," MTM finished.

Socrates looked among his friends for a moment before he let a relieved smile split across his furry face. "Thanks, guys," he said quietly.

There was a short silence after this, wherein a sense of camaraderie could be felt between the six of them that they rarely ever felt.

Fortunately, that mushy nonsense was broken when Socrates' grin became his usual insane smile as he jumped up and began to head for the stairs.

"SLUMBER PARTY!" he shouted, running towards his room.

The others rolled their eyes, secretly relieved that the tension was broken as they followed after him.

When they got to his room, they found Socrates pulling out loads of pillows and blankets from his closet, and he spewed them across the floor, somehow managing to get them to line up evenly.

"This is gonna be awesome!" he declared excitedly. "We can stay up all night, eating junk food, watching horror movies and talking about girls! I can make my world-famous omelet for breakfast tomorrow!"

"World-famous according to whom?" Sherman asked dryly.

"According to you guys, after you eat, love it and blog about it! Now help me set everything up!"

Rolling their eyes, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman proceeded to help him roll out of the sleeping bags and move things around so that they all had room.

Hobbes picked up some discarded books and took them over to a shelf near the window. As he did so, he glanced out of it and saw that he had a pretty good view of the front yard and the neighborhood before it. His powerful feline eyes scanned the area.

Off in the distance, a long way away, he thought he could see a tall man walking down the sidewalk, away from them.

Hobbes felt his heart briefly freeze in his chest before he shook the feeling off and started to help the others move a cedar chest.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the South Pole, Jack was grumbling to himself as he grabbed one last barrelful of ice for Dr. Brainstorm.

"Okay…," he mumbled to himself, "I think that's about it. Since Frank didn't give me an exact amount to collect, I'll just take the bare minimum the ship can carry. Maybe I'll dump it on his head. Debbie could stand to see what kind of nut she's been roped into working for. I wonder what she's going to tell her husband and kids when she gets home – that she helped a crazy guy and his robot sidekick attempt to take over the world with ice?"

Jack looked around as he realized something.

"I'm talking to myself again. Dang. Sixth time today – I need to get out of here."

The South Pole was a complete ice desert – nothing for miles around except ice, snow, cold water, and despair. Not even a single penguin to lighten the mood.

He poured the barrel into the ship's lower cargo hold which had been converted into a freezer. He looked across the piles of ice and snow he had gathered.

"Frank, you numbskull – you'd better have a plan," he muttered.

Closing up the hull of the ship, he tossed the barrel into the back of the ship before climbing up the embarkation ramp in to the front. He headed into the cockpit and sat down behind the pilot's seat.

"Okay, baby," he murmured. "Let's get out of here."

The ship roared into life, and in a few seconds, it was taxying down the icy field he had landed on before slowly taking off into the snowy sky.

He was whistling casually to himself as he prepared to plot a course back to Yellowstone so he could set it on auto-pilot and engage the hyper engine.

Unfortunately, he was interrupted by a sound coming from the control desk. He threw a glance at the radar, which seemed to be picking something up. The words "UNKNOWN THREAT" flashed in nasty red letters.

"This better not be a squirrel," Jack grumbled. "Every time this thing goes off, it's a squirrel. Just my luck, there's going to be a squirrel in Antarctica."

He was just considering ignoring it and going home when he noticed a cave in the mountains of ice just ahead, and according to the radar, the threat was in there.

"I should just go home," he muttered. "It can't be all that important. I should really, really, _really_ just go home…"

He managed to ignore his curiosity for all of three seconds before he turned the joystick and aimed the rocket for the cave.

"I've been hanging out with a scientist for too long," he grumbled to himself.

He landed the ship close by, bringing it down like a helicopter. He wanted to be close to it just in case he needed to run away very quickly.

He lowered the embarkation ramp, adjusted his internal temperature and headed back out into the cold tundra once again. He looked around in the thick swirling snow, and he managed to find the entrance to the cave.

"Well," he sighed, "let's have a look at the Arctic Squirrels."

When he got inside, he saw that it wasn't very long. He made it to the end in less than three minutes. He scanned the entire place, but he couldn't detect anything serious.

"Hello?" he called out.

That "hello" reverberated throughout the cave.

He shrugged. "Oh well. I can't say I didn't look." And with that, he turned and headed towards the mouth of the cave.

But then his audio receivers detected something skittering around, reverberating all around him and steadily growing louder and louder. He looked around for the source. At first, he couldn't spot it, but as he got closer to the entrance and had some sun coming in, he saw light reflecting off of a bunch of tiny little creatures crawling across the walls.

"What the heck…," he said to himself, trying to enhance his view, but something seemed to be wrong with his zoom function.

And then he realized that whatever the creatures were, they apparently crawling across his body!

"Hey!" he cried as he stopped and swatted at them like they were insects. "Get off of me! What the – ?!"

It was only when he brought them up to his eyes that he was able to register what they were.

"Wait… These are tiny little robots!"

And with that realization, he collapsed as all his major functions shut down.

* * *

_Attention, Jack T Robot!_

_This is your auto-repair system speaking. It seems as though you have been attacked. Thankfully, Frank installed a special system in your brain that has stored your virtual memory data and is keeping you conscious even though the rest of you is essentially useless. _

_Just don't tell him if necessary. You'll never hear the end of it._

_We have run a complete scan on your operating systems, and from what we can tell from the damage-report, you are under attack by a cardiac halting machine that is typically designed to kill humans instantaneously. Fortunately, as you are a robot, it has not killed you. It has merely rendered you inoperable. Luckily, your memories still exist in this secret drive in the back of your head._

_Seriously, don't tell Frank this worked. You always told him how pointless and unlikely it was that you'd need it. You'd have to actually start showing him respect from now on._

_We have just about restarted your systems. You shall have control momentarily._

_Three…_

_Two…_

_Smile, Jack – you're on!_

* * *

The roof of the cave loomed over him.

Jack's eyes flitted left and right. They were working again.

"Optical sensors back online," he said in a monotone voice.

He flexed his fingers.

"All ten digits maintain dexterity," he said, still in a lifeless tone.

He managed to raise his arms above his head.

"Arms have regained mobility."

He managed to slowly sit up straight.

"Spinal column has become unparalyzed."

Then his head whirred and he felt something slot back into place.

"Ohhhh…," he moaned, finally with some emotion. "And personality disk has been reinstalled! Thank heavens for that! What the heck…? Cardiac halting machine? Who the heck could possibly use one of those? Heck, who could possibly _have _one of those?"

As he slowly began to make his way back onto his feet, he looked around, feeling a tad sluggish.

And then he heard the skittering again.

He turned around and saw that the spider-like robots were swarming towards him again at a frantic face, their little metallic legs clicking across the icy walls and floor of the cave.

"Now would be a good time to run," Jack said to himself.

Staggering along, struggling to get himself working again, the silver robot proceeded to engage in an ungraceful sprint as he tried to get himself away from the swarm. He headed started run away from them, but then he saw that they were coming at him from the mouth of the cave as well. Activating his internal GPS, he looked around, and he saw that a section of the cave's wall was hollow. Aiming a finger at it, he managed to send out a signal that vibrated the section of the wall, causing it to shatter and fall apart, allowing him to duck inside.

Following his GPS, he began to get more feeling back into his legs as he ran further up the cavern, listening to the tiny robots skittering after him through the hole.

Looking around, he saw that the ceiling ahead of him had several large icicles dangling from it. He aimed his finger at them, and as he ran underneath them, they fell to the ground, along with the whole ceiling.

There was a loud thundering crash that knocked him off his feet and sent him crashing onto the floor of the cave.

After a few seconds, he looked back and saw that none of the little spider-robots had made it. They were all trapped on the other side of the sealed-off pathway.

Sighing with relief, Jack got back up again and looked around.

What he saw next almost made him shut down.

It was Dr. Thunderstorm.

But after a moment, Jack realized something. The man wasn't moving. He was frozen in a block of ice.

"What the heck…?" Jack murmured. "How…? But he was killed… Well, obviously he wasn't, but… How the heck did he end up like this?"

Cautiously approaching, the robot looked his frozen adversary up and down. He held out a hand and gently pressed it against the block of ice.

"Hmmm," he said aloud, watching reams of data spew across his eyes. "He's defrosting. There's some sort of heat source coming from somewhere. His vital organs are starting up again. However that works…"

He looked Thunderstorm up and down, observing his frozen expression, which was one of barely contained fear and fury.

"I wish I could draw a mustache on him, but the felt tip wouldn't keep on the ice… Maybe I can refreeze him."

Jack placed a hand on the block of ice and promptly adjusted his body temperature. His hand turned blue, and the ice containing Thunderstorm proceeded to solidify.

"There. Maybe I can stick him in the freezer and take him back to Yellowstone. I'll let Frank decide what to do with him. Shouldn't be too hard. It's not like they're brothers or anything."

His thoughts were interrupted by something slamming into his side.

He and his attacker went rolling forwards like a bowling ball out of the cave and into the snow.

Jack found himself being violently rolled over so that he was looking up into his enemy's eyes.

It was Shadow, who was looking just a little worse for wear, but his deranged eyes hadn't lost that insane fury from years before.

"You will _not _interfere," he growled.

Jack managed to get over the surprise of the attack before regaining his smart-alecky persona. "Shadow," he said. "Long time, no see."

Shadow kept his grip firm around Jack's arms while extending his own so that he was on his feet. He lifted his adversary over his head, spun him around and threw him against a solid wall of ice. He let out a grunt of momentary pain as he slid down back into the snow before he reoriented himself. He managed to get his internal nanobots working on his repairs before he stood up.

"So you're alive," he said, as if nothing had happened. "Could've sworn you guys got blown up when we destroyed the space station."

"Negative," Shadow replied. "We escaped."

"No duh."

This was apparently the wrong thing to say, as Shadow suddenly ran at Jack and knocked him down, and they both went tumbling rapidly down a hill, where they both slammed into a rock.

The force of this collision brought Shadow to a halt, and he lost his grip on Jack, who let out a yell of pain as he went sailing through the air, feeling as if something had broken.

He landed in a snowdrift. He slowly climbed out and tried to figure out where the problem was, and he saw that it was his finger. Specifically, it was the finger that he didn't have anymore.

Looking back across the field of ice, he saw that Shadow as on his feet and waving the finger furiously at Jack

"I will not abandon my master!" he roared, resembling a little grizzled green guy holding his 'precious'. "You will run, but once my master is freed, we shall hunt you and Dr. Brainstorm down, and we shall destroy you!"

Jack mulled this over before responding. "Thanks for the heads up, pal. I'll deliver the message."

And feeling a bit more afraid than he'd ever care to admit, Jack hightailed it to the rocket and jumped inside.

Shadow watched as it slowly took to the sky and jetted away, disappearing almost instantaneously as its hyper engine kicked in.

"My master awaits me," he murmured to himself, tossing Jack's finger up and down.

He was just turning to leave when he saw what appeared to be a tall man in a black suit, far away in the distance, walking through the snow.

Shadow briefly restarted his eyes to make sure he was seeing things properly, but when he looked again, the man was gone.

Although initially concerned, he dismissed it as unimportant and just a side effect of his damaged circuits before returning to the cave, still holding his rival's finger. He needed to scan it to see what Jack's technological capabilities were.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	10. Black Rain PART 4

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman sat on Socrates' couch while they waited and listened as the tiger shuffled and banged around upstairs.

After a few minutes, Socrates came down the stairs carrying a giant box. "Alright, I have my entire horror movie collection right here for our viewing pleasure!" he announced, dropping it in front of Calvin and the gang, causing a loud thump.

The group stared at it. "Are you sure it's a good idea to be watching horror movies right now?" Andy asked.

"Probably not, but it's either this or we go through my extensive Nicolas Cage collection."

Everyone sat there, weighing their options.

"Let's see what you got there," Hobbes said, motioning to the box.

Socrates grinned and started pulling DVDs out. "Alright so we have basically every single recent horror film that Calvin's parents won't allow him to watch…," he said, shuffling through them.

"Promising," Calvin remarked.

"We got our stereotypical possession movies, our haunted house movies, our 'found footage' movies, and wait a second…," Socrates paused and his brow furrowed as he stared into the box.

"What is it?" Hobbes asked.

"This is blasphemy! There's a VHS in here!" Socrates exclaimed, pulling a beaten-up-looking VHS tape out of the box.

"Do you even have a VCR?" Andy asked.

"Probably somewhere in storage, but seriously! This does not have the right to be in a box of not VHS stuff!" Socrates tossed the tape over his shoulder.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"We got our crazy murderer movies, our vampire movies, our overly jump scare filled movies…," Socrates continued until MTM cut him off.

"Hang on a second. Bring me that VHS."

"Why?" Socrates asked, looking over at the tape, sitting on the floor.

"There's something not right about it. What is it?"

Socrates sighed and stood up, picking the tape up. "I dunno. It's not labeled," he said, studying it. "What's wrong with it?"

"Let me scan it," MTM said, firmly.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances, before Calvin held the CD player up to Socrates. A light shot out of MTM and scanned the VHS up and down for a brief second before retracting back inside. The machine beeped and buzzed for a moment, before he spoke again.

"Yeah that's not good."

"What is it?" Sherman asked.

"Bad things…," MTM said.

"Well, anyone could've guessed _that_," Calvin grumbled.

"It has a sort of low level amount of psychic energy connected to it. My dear feline, we need to get that VCR down here, right now."

"Am I going to get a phone call after we watch it and die in seven days by some random ghost chick in a well?" Socrates asked.

"No."

"Okay, I'll get the VCR." Socrates ran off.

There was a silence.

"Well maybe," MTM admitted.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all sighed in perfect unison.

* * *

Brainstorm's rocket soared across the landscape as Jack raced to get back to Yellowstone. The robot continually checked the radar and other utilities to make sure Shadow wasn't following him.

Upon reentering the Wyoming / Montana area, he got onto the radio and called in to the lab.

"Come in Frank," he said, somewhat hurriedly. "You should open the bay doors… Or teleport me… or something… We kind of have something important going on."

He waited. There was no response from the other end of the radio.

"Frank?"

No response. Jack sighed.

"Come on, Franky boy, I know you're there."

"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

"I knew that'd get a response."

"I SWEAR IF I EVER HEAR YOU UTTER THOSE WORDS IN REFERENCE TO ME EVER AGAIN, I WILL DESTROY THE UNIVERSE!" Brainstorm shouted.

"Right. Can I come in, now?"

"I'M BUSY!"

"We kind of have something bad happening."

"I'LL SAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN DEBBIE FOREVER, AND SHE NEEDS TO BEGIN SORTING MY EQUIPMENT!"

"Well, when was the last time you saw her?"

"I told her to go clean the break room…," Brainstorm muttered. "About forty five minutes ago."

"We have a break room?" Jack asked.

"I PUT IT IN LAST WEEK! I TOLD YOU THAT!"

"What the heck is the point of a break room?"

"I DON'T KNOW, I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING LATER!"

"Back to the point, I want in, now."

"DID YOU ACQUIRE THE REQUIRED MATERIALS?!"

"The snow? Yeah, I kinda have something more important to tell you, though."

"I TOLD YOU TO GET ICE!"

"Crimeny, Frank, I just got into a fight with Shadow, can I come in now?"

There was a silence. "Oh okay. Of course, that's something I'd rather want to be filled in about," Brainstorm said.

"I would hope."

There was a moment of silence, before a blue light began surrounding the rocket, and Jack was teleported into the lab. He stretched and opened the pod door, reentering the lab, where he found Brainstorm busily typing on his computer.

"Right, now then," Jack said straightening himself up. "Where shall I start?"

"Give me one moment. I'll worry about it in a second," Brainstorm growled.

He pushed a button on his console and spoke into a microphone, and his voice rang out on the speakers in the lab.

"Debbie to the front," he announced.

He turned the intercom off and stared at Jack.

"Debbie's not here?" the robot asked.

"No. She's not," Brainstorm grumbled. "And I can't get her to shut up about her stupid kids… or her dog… and she repeats the same story to me over… and over… and over…" His eye began twitching. "…and _over_ again."

"Sounds like a grand old time."

"Changing the subject…," Brainstorm grumbled, "what about the creepy scary robot thing?"

"He attacked me while I was getting your snow," Jack said. "Both he and Thunderstorm are alive."

"That's… not… _FAIR_!" Brainstorm screamed, stomping on the floor indignantly. "He blew up for crying out loud!"

"Thunderstorm isn't particularly around quite yet," Jack said. "He's frozen in a giant block of ice, which Shadow was thawing out. From the temperature in the room, I'd say he'll be completely thawed out in about another hour. He'll be awake and moving in another three hours. Shadow probably has the technology to do it."

Brainstorm tapped his chin in thought as he paced back and forth in front of his console. "So we have three hours to make our plans...," he considered.

"Okay, Frank, in all seriousness, I don't usually get involved in your plan-making," Jack said.

"Of course not, I'm a freaking genius, I NEED NO HELP FROM A ROBOT!"

"But Shadow knows us, and he's stupidly overpowered. Now that he's aware that we know about him, he's going to think up every possible thing that you would think up of, and prepare for when you do it. And considering your usual plan is a blind assault on whatever's bothering you, then it's not going to take that thing long to prepare for it."

Brainstorm stopped and considered that for a moment. "So what do _you_ think we should do, then?" he grumbled at last.

Jack thought for a moment. "Bunk up? Wait for them to come to us, and hope we can defeat them."

"Hide? Is that what you're suggesting?" Brainstorm growled. "THE BRAINSTORM FAMILY HAS NEVER HID FROM ANYTHING AND THEY'RE NOT ABOUT TO START NOW! JACK! YOUR SUGGESTION IS VILE AND I DON'T LIKE IT! AS SOON AS DEBBIE GETS UP HERE, THAT'S ALL GOING STRAIGHT INTO YOUR REPORT AND – !"

"I didn't mean hiding _here_. Thunderstorm has a lab in the mountains. Reason says they'll be going there first to prepare. Why not stop them before they do?"

Brainstorm's expression changed from one of annoyed fury to being fairly impressed. "Wow Jack, never knew you had that kind of strategy hiding away in your mind."

"I already know how awesome I am," Jack shrugged. "I just don't brag about it too often."

"Right… Now where the heck is Debbie?! We need to inform her of the plan!" Brainstorm shouted, whirling around.

At that moment, Debbie came slowly waddling into the main room, holding a broom and dust pan, and wearing an apron. "You called?" she inquired.

"DEBBIE! JUST THE PERSON I WANTED TO SEE!" Brainstorm shrieked in a voice that could otherwise be mistaken for insane rage if one did not know the man. He jogged over to Debbie and patted her on the back. "Debbie, Jack and I are going on a top secret undercover mission to destroy our super arch enemies!" he whispered, looking back and forth as if someone were listening.

"Oh you mean that Calvin kid? I saw a picture of him. His hair reminds me of my son's mohawk, only I don't know if I would really call that a mohawk, it's a little like one, but – "

"Yeah, whatever," Brainstorm hurried her along. "And no, not them. They're my arch enemies; these are my _super_ arch enemies."

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Debbie, I have a very important job for you for when I am gone." Brainstorm said, putting his arm around Debbie's shoulder. "Jack and I will be equipped with a teleport device and a small pager. Thunderstorm is clever, and he's made the interior of his lab so that teleporters can't be activated from inside. I will activate the pager if things start going wrong, and if they do, an alarm will go off right there," he pointed at a small red light on the console. "If this happens, Debbie, you are in charge of the teleporter. Activate it and bring us back! As soon as it happens!"

"Okay. I still need to replace your hand sanitizer, though," Debbie said.

"Forget the hand sanitizer, Debbie! This is more important than you can possibly imagine!"

"How do I work the teleporter?"

"Glad you asked!" Brainstorm pointed at the button right next to the light. "You push that button. Not the one next to it. Not any other button. The one labeled 'teleport'. You push _that_ button."

"Gotcha," Debbie nodded.

Jack shook his head. "We're doomed."

Brainstorm patted Debbie on the shoulder. "Excellent. JACK! PREPARE THE ROCKET!"

"Whatever."

"I SHALL ACQUIRE MY SERVANT RAY MARK II!"

"Use the first one, the Mark II explodes after you use it too much."

"WHATEVER, JACK! THE TIME HAS COME! WAR IS UPON US!"

"Calm the heck down, we still have three hours."

"JUST GET THE DARN ROCKET READY!"

* * *

Everyone gathered around Socrates' TV as the tiger inserted the VHS into the tape player. He then sat down beside Hobbes, clutching a bag of popcorn as the screen flickered to life.

"Alright, so here's the plan," Socrates said. "The second the power goes out, during or after the watching of this video, we break the window right there, and sprint to the nearest place of business. We don't go upstairs, we don't go downstairs, and we don't go to another house."

"What businesses did you outlaw?" Hobbes asked.

"Toy stores, hotels, offices and anything generally creepy," Socrates nodded. "If we could make our way to a crowded grocery store or some such, we should be good."

"I think you watch too many horror movies," Andy said.

There was brief moment of silence of nothing but blackness on the screen, and what seemed to be the distorted, distant sound of a song being played backwards, then a message appeared on the screen, still flickering and trembling slightly. All the 'o's had 'X's drawn through them

HELLOTHERE SOCRATES

Socrates' expression dropped.

The screen blacked out again and showed what appeared to be distorted, black and white footage of a country road. More words appeared on the screen.

YOUWILLCOMETOUS

The screen blacked out again and an eye appeared in the middle looking around in all directions.

ALONE

The choppy music continued. Several more distorted, still black and white, images flashed across the screen that were for the most part unrecognizable, before finally coming to a picture of what seemed to be a forest.

FOLLOWTHEPATH

A shot of a dripping facet appeared

ABANDON

Another shot of someone close up, licking their lips

SUCCUMB

The shot didn't change, but the person's nose started bleeding

SUBMIT

The shot then changed and showed video recording, still distorted and black and white, of Socrates skipping through his house. It appeared to have been recorded from the ceiling.

TIMEISRUNNINGOUT

Another shot appeared of Calvin and Hobbes playing Calvinball.

THEOTHERSCANNOTHELPYOU

A shot of Brainstorm's silhouette appeared.

THELOSTSCIENTIST

A pair of eyes opened in the silhouette, clearly not Brainstorm's, and looked all around.

TRAPPEDANDRETURNING

IRRELEVANT

IMPATIENT

Tentacles appeared from out from behind Brainstorm's back before cutting to another shot of a clock

TICKTOCK

The video then began reversing through everything that had been shown, prior.

More words appeared.

FINDUS

WATCHES

WAITS

Suddenly, the screen cut out completely, and the music stopped.

There was a silence.

Then the silhouette of the man in the suit appeared in the middle of the screen, staring out, accompanied by a loud screech

FORYOU

And with that the tape ended.

There was a long moment of silence as everyone stared at the TV.

"Okay, so we got that going for us," Calvin said, standing up. "Now what do we do?"

"Well… Instinctively, I think we should all huddle up in a corner and cry about our lives, but in the long run, I don't think that'll help," Hobbes replied.

"As appealing as it sounds, probably not, no."

"Realistically, I think we should look into that blinking red light that suddenly showed up on the MTM."

All eyes went to the CD player on the coffee table.

"What?" MTM asked. "Oh yeah, I was waiting for a better time to bring that up."

"What is it?" Sherman asked, jumping on the table. "What do we have to worry about now?"

"It's my alarm for technological irregularities," MTM explained. "My scanners have detected a form of manmade technology more advanced than anything else currently on the planet."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Andy asked.

"It's probably nothing," Calvin said. "The government's probably trying to replicate alien tech again."

"The point of origin is the Antarctic area," MTM continued. "And whatever it is, is putting off a very strong signal, for me to be picking it up, so it's obviously very strong."

"How does this affect us?" Socrates said, starting to grow bored.

"Well, in all seriousness, it doesn't," MTM said, as if he were shrugging. "But this alarm has only gone off once before."

There was a silence.

"Do fill us in," Andy motioned.

"When Thunderstorm's robot chap came back to life that day we stopped Frank in his space station."

There was a long moment of silence.

"That's impossible," Calvin said.

"Simply stating the facts," MTM said.

"It can't be Shadow," Sherman said. "They were on that ship! _It blew up_!"

Calvin rubbed his chin in thought. "Unless…," he started.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"Unless there was a teleport of some sort," he finished.

"It might be nothing," Hobbes said.

"It might not," Calvin agreed.

"Is it worth looking into?" MTM asked.

A giant grin spread across the child's face. "Ohhhh, yes."


End file.
